My girlfriend and I dated for a year and recently broke up because I'm leaving for school in 5 months. It was like we had an expiry date, so we both decided to end it. We do care about each other very much, but becoming committed again won't happen since I'm leaving soon and moving from Canada to Australia and I understand that she doesn’t want to date exclusively if it’s not going to lead anywhere. Things have always been really good between us, so we are trying to have an open relationship and work out some ground rules. The 2 main issues however are emotional and sexual. Emotional since I don’t want to cause her pain by being with her, but not completely. And sexual because if either of us is seeing others we need to use condoms and they ruin otherwise amazing sex for both of us. She is currently dating casually and I had plans of doing the same. I really think we are both mature enough to make this work on some level and we both agreed that this is better then nothing.
2006-08-19 06:12:27 · 9 answers · asked by slashdrummer 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Any advice would be greatly appreciated and any advice on some ground rules that may have worked for anyone in a similar situation would be great.
2006-08-19 06:13:06 · update #1
Honesty will be the key, not only to each other, but to anyone else you may date
1st you need to set your guidelines, and then stick to them or let the other know that things have changed and you need to end.
Guidelines can only be set by you two, here are some I think might help
1. condoms- you owe it not only to each other, but to anyone else you may become sexual with
2. If you start feeling more emotional about someone new, which is bound to happen to one of you, the other needs to bow out gracefully.
after all you will probably be seeing a lot more of the person that is closer to you
3. decide up front rather or not either of you want to know what the other is doing. ( but don't ask for detail, or get concerned with who they like having sex with better)
4. In this kind of dating situation, you must understand that you are now asking each other to be friends with benefits.
5. Since you will be the one coming home for vacations probably(you did not say if she was going anywhere) you will understand that who ever else she may be seeing will not find it cool for her to dump them completely whenever you happed to be home.
Hope this helps, I really believe that this type of relationship only works while both people are not really wanting to be in a complete relationship. I think in general it is harder for the female(because soceity fair or not puts more pressure on her not to date casually)
2006-08-19 06:36:04 · answer #1 · answered by tbhere 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Long term relationships don't usually work. Even though it hurts now you will both be moving on with time. It wouldn't hurt to keep in contact, without getting your hopes up of a reunion. I also wouldn't discuss relationships with each other. Even though you both think you are mature enough for all that, you will both probably end up with hurt feelings.(asking yourself is she happier with him, what does he have that I don't, and so on, and she will be asking herself the same) So, my advice is don't get yourself down because you are at the end of this relationship, look forward to what your move will bring. Love may find you when you least expect it, not when you are looking for it.
2006-08-19 13:24:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
For either of you to stay together is insane. If you are moving to Australia and you two really don't care about each other you are just setting yourself up for heartache even if you are not trying to.
To be safe you guys are better off friends. If you stay together and you both agree to have sex with other people, even with condoms, eventually you will both be emotionally and sexually depressed. So my advice is for you two to stay cool and be friends. If you're not sure if your relationship going anywhere don't continue to make it sexually. Save yourselves alot of emotional damage.
2006-08-19 13:31:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move on...the situation will terminate the actual relationship you are enjoying...lives change dramatically during every seven year cycle and if you are not together to blend these changes going backward will not work in any way...besides...as you grow older....this arrangement will become archaic to you and create issues you normally would not experience as a couple...and the issues will develop into none compatible thinking....MOVE ON
2006-08-19 13:22:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
try not falling for someone else, which is actually a major drawback in an open relationship...even if you do, let your partner(i mean u guys) know about it, dont keep it in the dark from them, a chance of having a platonic friendship even if the relationship doesnt work out also gets dashed...
If both of you'll dont have aby qualms about it, then i dont think there will be any problems as such...
2006-08-19 13:22:05 · answer #5 · answered by Myth 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter how grounded you believe you are this it will not work and you both will find other partners. But time will decide won't it. All the best.
2006-08-19 13:23:10 · answer #6 · answered by Ms CMP5260 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing called open relationship - any romantic liason - real Love is POSESSIVE - if you are talking about just open, you can have your way, and she hers, then you are making use of each other's body - and don't really care much...
2006-08-19 13:20:36 · answer #7 · answered by Fraud 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever the time u had enjoy freely, lovely and openly thts it!
2006-08-19 13:21:26 · answer #8 · answered by Rohit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hope it works out for you man I truly do.
2006-08-19 13:18:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋