Bullying.....?

Question

There is this boy at my school named Tommy who has been bullying me since 4th grade. He has called me fat, dumb and ugly. He has made prank calls to my house. During our school dance (I'm now in 6th grade) I was trying to talk to my 2 friends who we're slow dancing, and Tommy came up to me and said "SHUT UP EMILY! LEAVE!"
Since 4th grade when I moved to his school, I have been afraid to go to school. He has gotten his friends to bully me to. He got 1 boy to call me a lesbian. I'm not a lesbian, I have a boyfriend. Though 1 of his friends, Ryan, keeps telling them to stop, they don't listen to him. I have told teachers but they don't care. I scared to go to school. This really hurts. Help please.....

Thanks for all your help..My boyfriend can't beat him up cause he goes to a different school, and I don't have a brother. My parents are involved in this and are going to the office next time this happens.Part of the reason of why he bullies me is because he is really rich and he thinks that he can do anything. My friends have told him to stop and so have I. But even that hasn't helped.

Answer 1

Jay McGraw has information in his book "Closing the Gap..." that gives information how how to stop bullies and being bullied. http://www.drphilstore.com/closinggap.html

There is a movement that gives schools support in setting up anti-bullying programs. Perhaps you can work with your school to set up such a program. Start with talking to the principal. Having such a program sets up clear rules about what bullying is and what the consequences for bullying will be. Here is information on that program: http://www.drphil.com/shows/show/115

Here is an example of the type of complaint form a student can fill out at a school with an anti-bullying program:
http://www.pvsd.k12.ca.us/montevista/Harassment%20Incident%20Report.htm

I would suggest printing this out, taking it to the principal and telling him you want to have an anti-bullying program started at your school. Keep a copy for yourself and your parents and then if nothing is done you will have proof of the complaint and can then file criminal charges against the student and school for not protecting you. Bullying is a form of harassment and harassment is a crime.

I am a parent and a teacher and you can trust that there are people who care about students like you. Get your parents involved and try to work with the principal. If the school is unwilling to work with you, then go to the police. You deserve a life free from this type of abuse.

Answer 2

Dear Akuti, you have my heartfelt sympathy.

I was bullied in grade school, too; this is how I solved it.

I complained to my father, who told me he couldn't fix it; only I could. Well, I didn't like the sound of that at all.

My father signed me up for Judo lessons, and I *really* didn't like that. As my lessons progressed, the bully (may he suffer premature balding) continued to make my existence miserable.

After about a year of training, I guess the lessons sunk in; one morning at the bus stop, the bully kicked my books off the curb where I had placed them.

Before I knew what I had done, I had knocked the s.o.b. to the ground and was holding him there, pinned. He actually wept! Some big man, huh?

I never had a minute's trouble from him or his buddies ever again.

So, here's my advice: find a way to solve the problem yourself...preferably while you are only in 6th grade, and are still his physical equal...and beat the snot out of him. It may not seem a natural or even a desirable thing to do, but the terrible truth is that there really are some people who only understand physical force.



P.S. After reading other responses, I want to add that I URGE you to fix this yourself. Don't go to anyone else. Don't be a crybaby. Don't hide behind someone else's skirts because, sometime, you have to come out.

For God's sake, don't call the police or involve the Court system; they do not exist to fix bullying problems.

Do it yourself.

Answer 3

Emily,

It is said that when someone of the opposite sex bullies the other, it is because they like you, but in your case it is hard to think he does.. There are two ways you can go about this.
1, Don't let what he says or do bother you, the more you show it hurts you the more he will bug you just to get the reaction..
2, Seeing that you asked the teachers for help and they don't care, then go above their heads and talk to the Principal. I am truly amazed that a teacher wouldn't help you seeing that there are so many commercial about this on T.V. You would think even they would have seen them..

So my advice to you, is to not let it bother you and talk to the Principal. I know how hard that it will be but in the long run, he will stop because it will no longer be fun..

Answer 4

Hmmm.. tell your teachers again. Tell them exactly what happened. And how you feel about it. A good teacher will not "not care". If they really do ignore you, talk to the principal or find another grown up who will listen and tell them that you brought it up with the teachers and the principal but no one listens. Trust me on this one. Have you tried talking to your parents? what did they say?

I know how you feel. i was bullied too when i was at school. And I'm sorry that you feel that you have nowhere to turn have to resort to asking total strangers on y1A

Another thing is just walk away and don't let them have the satisfaction of seeing that it upsets you.

Anyway. I hope my advice helps a little.

Answer 5

This is the kind of behavior exhibited by our current president when he was in Jr. High. Unfortunately, it is often a strategy that meets with some measure of success. Try to surround yourself with people who support you and enjoy your company.

Often, approaching the parents of such a student is not a successful strategy, as they will be equally forceful, and threaten to sue or involve an attorney. After all, the kid learned this behavior at home.

I don't know about the laws in your state, but you may want to carry a small recorder, and next time he starts in, just record his statements, which might be good ammo for proving your point later on....to teachers, authorities, his parents or even the police. I suspect you are not the only one he has bullied and if he continues, may encounter law enforcement at some point. If you have the ammo, even if it is for a different matter, it might help justice be served.

The best of life for most of us has happened AFTER high school. My mom used to tell me that, and I did NOT believe her, but she was right. In the meantime, involve yourself in activities that serve other people. It will help you to develop solid and unshakable self-esteem, and can lead to lots of job opportunities of all sorts. Best wishes.

Answer 6

I used to be in a similar situation back in grade school. In grade 8, I had a serious problem with bullies. Everyday, almost all of my classmates would make fun of me and say things like, you smell, loner, loser, etc. I used to be very un-popular and had very little freinds and it made me get really bad grades in school. I took the initiative to write a 2 page letter to both my parents and my homeroom teacher to explain everything and to ask them to transfer me into the other grade 8 class. My teacher was very supportive and he helped me through the tough times during recess. He held me back and asked me to explain everything and how the other kids made me feel. Purhaps you should consider writing a long letter to your parents and/or your teacher to explain how this experience is effecting you. My heart goes out to you, God bless you. Remember, that growing up is tough. Do not let what any of those kids are saying to you get to you. You are a wonderful person and this Tommy kid doesn't know what hes missing. Don't feel bad, you are better than them for not putting yourself down to their level and thinking you have to make fun of someone to be cool.

Answer 7

Have your mother call his mother.

I did that once, when a kid was tormenting one of my sons.

He had told my son not to go into the bathroom at school, because a gang of them were going to beat him up if he did.

I called the kid's mother and told her about it. I said, "Please tell your son that, if he gets a gang together in the bathroom, the police will be at your door that very day." She said, "Here, I'll put him on the phone and you can tell him that." I did. The threats stopped.

Another thing that's important is how YOU handle it. When he says stuff to you, what do you do? Shrink away with tears in your eyes? Don't DO that. They KNOW they're getting to you when you do that. Learn to be a little tougher. For instance:

"Shut up Emily"
"YOU shut up, pukeface."
Then you LAUGH.

You get the idea. Don't go overboard and give them more ammo.
Just always have an answer for them, and don't let them get to you. Gotta get a little tougher.

Answer 8

What he is doing is illegal. And if your teacher are ignoring it they can be fired. Your parents involvement is definitely a must. I've been in your shoes. I was the only black child in an entirely white school. I was called LOTS of mean names. The teachers, principal, and school board can all play a part in helping get this guy off your case and maybe even out of your school. You deserve to focus on your education and developing into a stable member of society--not his taunting. I wish you the best.

Answer 9

this is from a person who knows what is like you need to honesly go first to your parents and if they do not do anything go to the police dept they have to help you with this go to a teacher and even go to the school board and if that does not work do what i did i sued the school district i was a senior in high school i did not even feel safe in school anf they threw me out well i sued the school and now anyone who even gets caught calling anyone names get a 200 fine and also they get caught again it is suppention and then the last thing is they serve time in jail or juiv hall so do not be scared to stand up for yourself i know i was a person who was like hero and now i tell others bout all of this you ever need to talk just cotact me at [e-mail] and if anyone out there wants to talk bout this just e-mail me and i will try to help

Answer 10

Explain this to your Mother / Father.
Also, go to the office at school and try to explain this to them... Maybe also the school nurse.

If nothing works. get a BIG club, wait for him and hit him in the knee with it.. If he falls down, hit him again in the knee.

The bigger the bullie, the bigger the club.


If all else fails, CALL THE POLICE... Tell them that you are being ABUSED. There is usually a police person at the school.