A girl I was having sex with for years decided to come off the pill without telling me and had a child. when the paternity test came back positive i decided to see the child. However i feel nothing for it's mother. We' ve now discovered the child is very ill and will need a lot of medical care. I am seperated and have a grown up family. I will continue to see the child but i don't want to play "happy families" with it's mother. how can i get her to understand and accept this.Please...... sincere answers only.
2006-08-19 05:30:10 · 20 answers · asked by justinoc1 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
p.s. i never loved her it was just sex
2006-08-19 05:49:04 · update #1
i was 18 when I had my son. I wasn't married and we tried to make it work but after 3 and a half years, it finally ended.
I was never in love with the father, I dont even think I know what love is yet, much less when I fell pregnant. Its been 2 years and the father still will not fully accept this. Even tho he has a child to someone else, he is constantly telling mutual friends that he wants to get back with me, he tries to keep in contact wit my family and has done everything in his power to ruin any potential relationship that comes my way.
I guess what I am trying to say is that, you probably can't make her understand. There are some people in this world who refuse to accept reality and hold on to hopes which will never happen.
Even tho your child is ill, and you both have to take financial, emotional responsibility, there is no rule that says you have to do this whilst being together in a relationship.
In life, you must look after number 1, coz no one else will and dont let her put a guilt trip on you. Just make it clear that your responsibilities and intentions are to your child and not her but you are happy to sustain a friendship and get along as mature adults for your child's sake.
good luck!
2006-08-19 05:46:27 · answer #1 · answered by miss2sexc 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well for starters in the first place you shouldn't have been sleeping with this girl / woman if you didn't love her. Its wrong of her to come off of the pill though without telling you, things like that should be a joint decision between a couple! having a baby is a big thing! You should tell her what you've put in your question. Just tell her that you don't have feelings for her anymore in that way but would still like to be friends and that you want to play a part in your child's life. Hope that helps.
Good luck too ya
2006-08-19 05:40:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing to do would be to be strait up with her. Tell her the truth. It is best to have it in the open up front. That way there is no false hope for her. Only see the child without her. Encourage her to go out and meet someone while you are spending time with your child. Because believe me if she is totally dependent on you there is no way to get away from the false hope of a relationship between you. She would be more likely to say well you said there wasn't a chance, yet we do all these other things together. Regardless of the fact it is only for your child.
2006-08-19 06:03:23 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have unprotected sex with a woman there is always the risk of pregnancy. She may have deceived you but now one forced you into the situation. I think you must be in shock, but I can't believe you would have had sex for years with a woman you felt nothing for. Try to imagine yourself 20years from now, looking back at the decision you made now. Would you feel bad that your child may be resentful of how you treated his mother, and that you were not there for him or her, would you feel your decision was mean spirited? Maybe you turned down a rare chance of happiness for yourself. Or maybe you look back and see that you would be miserable bringing the child up with his mother and that you could have had greater happiness elsewhere. I guess only you can decide good luck.
2006-08-19 05:45:00 · answer #4 · answered by Chris C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
4 months? it truly is it? All i am going to assert is solid success with that. 4 months isn't something. Sounds more beneficial as an infatuation than something. i'm not bashing yet in case you go away your spouses it should not be to be with one yet another, it would want to be to achieve some attitude about your existence and what you opt for. What i might want to signify is that you and this different lady take a destroy from one yet another. both attempt to artwork on your own marriages or tell your better 1/2 you favor to split and end it with them first. Then take a even as to get your self mutually. After that in case you opt for that both of you favor to provide issues a shot, then flow ahead. yet by no ability go away one relationship to bounce good into yet another and do not forget that what appears perfect at present, probable should not be so perfect a 12 months or 2 from now. you'll both have lots to attend to, which includes your divorces, especailly even as there are youngsters in touch. in case you bounce into issues, this may reason a huge rigidity on that relationship. you particularly have a large number of wondering to do!
2016-11-05 04:17:27 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a friend who is in a very similar posistion and he found it very difficult. He knew about his child from the start though.
I think you both have to see the situation as it really is, you have a child who is ill, and both of you need to pull together for your childs sake.
When it comes to the mother, I'm not really sure what the best advice is, but surely it is more important to worry about your child, than what the mother thinks.
I mean, has she expressed that she wants a relationship with you? You haven't really said
2006-08-19 05:53:58 · answer #6 · answered by Just.my.opinion.but... 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you should have thought of that before you had sex with her. The best thing you can do now is to tell her straight that you do not want a relationship with her, but that you want to see your child on a regular basis, and you should support it too. It might be best if you could mutually arrange to spend time with your child while his/her mother is have some free time for herself.
2006-08-19 06:36:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK... I will try sincere.... GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!!!! It doesn't mean you have to stop being a father, so take care of your offspring, do the right thing and provide for the child. I would advise you to seek legal advice with regards to access to the child, as it sounds like this mother may take things badly and use the child against you, like so many women do.
Then leave... this woman will get the message that you don't want to be with her.
2006-08-19 05:35:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see this is a very difficult situation for you both. As she hopes you will grow to love her. As the child is very ill you will be expected to deal with her more than usual. You just have to be honest and stick to your guns with the mother. Explain that you will be there for your child, but that is all. That you don't want to give her any false misconceptions. Good luck
2006-08-19 06:50:29 · answer #9 · answered by Julia P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a legal and moral obligation to your child. I hope your in a position to provide the needed care. You are under no obligation to your child's mother. Just tell her straight out that you are only there for your child. What ever was between you and she in the past is dead in the water.
2006-08-19 05:38:02 · answer #10 · answered by Classy Granny 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋