How do you stop unsuccessfull homeschooling?

Question

My ex-wife is having my daughter homeschooled. She's 9 yrs old and I'm being told she is in between 3rd and 4th grade...going on 5th??? Obviously the homeschooling is not working...if anything my child is severely behind. Can anyone give me advice as to how I can put a stop to this. I've researched websites and it seems that homeschoolers have so many rights. What about my rights as the other parent.

First of all I'm not against home schooling. I am concerned about the fact that when people ask my daughter what grade she's in she becomes extemely embarassed because she can't answer the question. I'm trying to be as involved as I possibly can be but my ex isn't very cooperative when I ask questions. She will soon be 10 yrs old and it's the mother and grandmother who can't give me the straight answer as to what grade she's in. I don't have a bitter relationship with my ex at all...I just can't help feeling that she's hiding the fact that her homeschooling is failing.

Answer 1

Your rights depend on whatever court agreement there's been. If there really is a problem, you'll have to talk your lawyer.

{Answer changed to reflect additional details.}

Some homeschooling parents don't really keep track of grades or don't use a program that is grade-level based. She may not be able to tell you what her grade level is if she doesn't have anything to confirm one way or another.

If she's 9 going on 10, then she will be grade 4 or grade 5 in terms of the grade level she would be assigned to in school. There is absolutely NO guarantee that she would be doing any better in school than she is homeschooling. Besides, most children entering 5th grade would be at a grade 4 level because they haven't done 5th grade yet, and children entering grade 4 would be at a grade 3 level in their work.

Another thing, a lot of homeschool kids stumble on what grade they're in because it's not in their face every day. They just go about their work and don't think about it.

If you want to put a stop to it, you'd probably have to be able to prove that she truly is being neglectful. This would involve checking into the regulations where you live. I'll warn you, though, but there are undoubtedly a lot of cases there of public schooled children reading at a grade 3 level when going into grade 5. You would not have much of a case. Besides, your wife may be an unschooler, a usually accepted form of homeschooling. They do not feel any need to compare their children to what school children do and do not force their kids to learn things on a prescribed schedule. A lot of kids are 'behind' in elementary school compared to public schooled kids but In the long run, they usually catch up fairly well in academics.

If this is something that embarrasses your daughter, talk to her about it and come up with solutions, if you can. Talk to her about what she does for her schooling. Come to understand what's really going on. You seem convinced that the homeschooling is failing (whatever that means) but without any real proof of it. Figure out what's really going on before becoming convinced that there's something you've got to put a stop to.

Answer 2

Something to consider...Maybe your daughter is behind because of some learning disability.
I don't know how your ex is teaching your daughter--since there are so many methods and no two families do it the exact same way.

If she is only 9 years old and between 3-4 grade where do you think that she should be? Sounds to me like she is right where she is supposed to be. I was in public school and depending on where your birthday falls- I was 9 and turned 10 in 4th grade I was 10 and 11 in 5th grade so it doesn't seem to me that she is behind.

Also keep in mind that your daughter has been thru a lot if she is from a broken family. And may face some emotional challenges.

Sounds to me like you don't like homeschooling...but I have found that most people are very uneducated about the benefits of homeschooling. Please do some of your own research online or go to the library and read about it. EX: Stanford University is now offering high school thru a home schooling program.

It is also a load of garbage that homeschooled kids are socially retarded are academically for that matter. It all depends on how it's being handled at home.

Have you considered helping with the homeschooling instead of working against it...if you took an active interest and helped it would be of great benefit to both you, your daughter and your ex.

Answer 3

I hate the question "What grade are you in?" It doesn't matter. Are they asking how much math you've done? Whether you read fluently? If you know all the state capitals by heart? Who cares? How does it apply to the situation? If what they mean is "How old are you," then they should ask that. And teaching your daughter to give her age when asked her grade is perfectly fine. She doesn't have to justify how much she's learned or not learned for someone's idle curiosity.

As for figuring out if your daughter is in an appropriate learning enviroment, that can be done objectively. You can even do it online at kidtest.com. You can get her tested by this or other standardized methods, and then do it again a year (or less?) later. You can ask to see her work--I imagine she would enjoy showing it to you. A third grader that is "severely behind" is not that hard to remedy, if they are being delayed by circumstances rather than ability. If you have a good relationship with the child's mother, you should certainly be allowed a good view of what her schooling consists of, same as a parent in any other educational enviroment.

Answer 4

Is there a Christian Private School anywhere where your ex is teaching your daughter? If so, you could contact them and find out if they allow homeschooled kids to take the MMAC Tests that are given to all kids usually in March of each school year. You might have to register for her to take the test in January when they order their tests so they could have a copy for her and then if there are other H.S. kids also taking the tests, they sometimes set them up on a Saturday so that they don't disturb their regular school students. They send the tests into the state to be graded and you get the results back by mail. They tell you where she is acedemically in every subject core right down to the month of schooling (such as, in math comprehention, she may test out at 4th grade, 6th month; which basically means that with a school year technically lasting 9 months, she is testing out at basically the exact leval that she should be if they test her in March, which would be her 6 months)
My children generally tested out about 1 year 3-5 months ahead of the grade leval they were actually at.
Is your ex using a structured curriculum or making up her own? There are benefits to both, and children can learn just as much (or more) at home than in public school, but you need to get her tested before you get too upset. What makes you think she is severally behind? I would really like to discuss this more with you if you contact me. I have access to some testing companies also that can help you. You do have rights! I will try and help you find them if you want.

Answer 5

Why do you think your child is not doing well?
I can understand the comment about being halfway thru 3rd grade going to 5th. Why skip 4th?
Is this the only reason you don't like this?
If so, you can find your states official agency and ask them about this. Ask is it right to skip grades, plus what your rights are as the other parent.
But, if you feel that she is not learning, that's another story.
Can you see her actual work? Can you see the curiculum that the mother is using and what she is teaching the child?
You will need actual proof the child is not learning in order to legally do something about it.
In some states, the law is that if the child is NOT learning properly, they HAVE to go to public school. Not sure which state(s) this involves.
I feel the homeschool agency in your state would be the best source of answers to your questions.

Answer 6

First I would make sure your ex is really not doing her job. Don't do it confrontationally- approach her as an ally in your daughter's best interest. Make sure she's the focus- not you and your ex's differences.

If you really think your daughter is suffering and you can't get your ex to work it out with you, sounds like a family court problem. Have you tried talking to a lawyer? A lot of them have free 20 min. consults. Or you could seek out a mediator.

I can't stress enough to be friends with your ex. Its the best thing you can do for her (the girl). Good luck!

Answer 7

Have her tested, like at Sylvan Learning Centers or someplace reputable as well.

If it's determined that she is developementally lacking, then talk to your ex about this. If she refuses to enroll her into a normal school, then consult an attorney and file abuse and/or neglect charges against your ex.

Answer 8

Dude that is a major problem- I would do something about that soon. Why in the world is she being homeschooled anyway? Send that girl to a real-school.

Answer 9

You need to consult a lawyer regarding this. As a teacher, I have also found that home schooled children are behind academically when they reenter the public school system. They are tested and placed in the grade-level to which they qualify, and are usually the older children in the class. They are ALWAYS socially behind, having had little to no contact with peers in a group setting.