I recently took a month long trip to NY. When I got back home, my boyfriend of a year and a half, whom I have been living with for over 6 months now, told me that he wanted to move out of the apartment we are sharing because he had realized during that time that he likes having his own space.This struck me as somewhat of a surprise, as moving in together was his idea (I had actually found him a seperate apartment to live in when he first was considering it, which he rejected.) Also while I was away, a female coworker of his began surfacing in conversation often - but we have talked about it and I am really convinced that he is not interested in her more than as a friend. My boyfriend is a wonderful and honest person who would never intentionallly hurt me or lie about something like that. What I am now concerned about is that he is not so much infatuated with her as he is with "something new", and that this is really a move away from me, and not a continuation of our relationship. Help!
2006-08-18 18:02:06 · 7 answers · asked by starlet_8 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
And thanks, by the way, to anyone who answers this!
2006-08-18 18:03:05 · update #1
In response to baseballfan's request for more info: We've known each other for about 3 years, but only really well for about 2 years. He was a friend of my best friend. And he has stated that he simply wants his own space, aka, he wants his own room. The weird thing is I can sympathize with him - our apartment is tiny, and sometimes I just want to completely girly up the bedroom to have it as my own, but I know that wouldn't be fair to him. He says that if he has his own place, then it would be fun to do stuff that we really can't do anymore, like get dressed up to see each other, and we will be more able to set real time aside for each other (without having to worry about the millions of little things that come with sharing an apartment). He thinks it will be easier not to take for granted each other's company. He's stressed many times that he doesnt want to break up, but I just am having a hard time accepting that. Thanks again.
2006-08-18 18:21:58 · update #2
And - I have talked to him about this. He has said that he would not move out if it would mean that it would hurt me too much. But that is not really a response, I dont want him to stay for pity.
2006-08-18 19:20:52 · update #3
Being an honest man, he might be not admitting it to himself yet that he's interested in another woman, just slightly. I think this woman is trying to steal him, as simple as that. Men are simple creatures - they see what's in front of their eyes. Good news, you're back. Don't try to restrict him. They are usually very sensitive about their freedom. Rather, be as nice and sweet to him as you can possibly be. So what if he moves out. He can move back in. Let him run around and chase his own tail a little.
If he really decides to move away, nothing you can or should do. Just do your best to be attractive. Sorry to hear about stressful situation.
2006-08-18 18:14:33 · answer #1 · answered by Snowflake 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hon, I don't know what to say. There has definitely been a paradigm shift there. His view of living together has changed. Is it that he doesn't want to live with anyone? OR is it that he doesn't want to live with you? How long have you both known each other? There are so many questions that need to be answered.
Most important is that you really need to share most of this (if not all) with your boyfriend. Does he know that you feel it's a step away?
He needs his space, but what if you were married? Would he do the same thing? If so, then you need to move on...he is not ready for any type of commitment.
2006-08-19 01:14:05 · answer #2 · answered by baseballfan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no real way to know this for sure, but for him to suddenly realize he wants more space in the context of talking about a coworker does make you wonder what he needs the space for. However, if you really trust him then maybe he is telling you the truth and just enjoys having his own space, I myself would rather know I could sleep at my gf's but also have the option to go home.
2006-08-19 01:10:58 · answer #3 · answered by James Y 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...its a duck. I think your gut feeling is correct. The best thing to do is let him move out or you move out. If he has been mentioning this girl...chances are within 2-4 weeks he will break upwith you. I am sorry to say that, but that is what I think. He will regret it later, but too bad you will have moved on by then.
2006-08-19 01:09:35 · answer #4 · answered by totalstressor 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think he's cheating on you and his moving out means he wants to continue doing that. it's weird that he wants to move out when he's the one that wanted to move in. if he likes having his own space so much and this is how he's going to be when you're dating what will he be like when you get married? i say tell him to either take this relationship seriously or get out and get gone. i really do think he's cheating btw. think about it: a coworker, while you were in new york, for a month.
2006-08-19 01:12:06 · answer #5 · answered by marisha z 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
IM SORRY TO SAY BUT IT SOUND LIKE HE WONT TO STARTS SEEING OTHER PEOPLE, OTHER WISE HE
WOULD NOT WANT TO MOVE OUT SINCE HE WAS THE
WON THAT WANT IT IN THE FIRST PLACE. BUT AT LEAST
IT SEEM HE BEEN HONEST ABOUT HOW HE FEEL RIGHT
NOW, SO, I WOULD GIVE HIM THE SPACE HE NEED.
2006-08-19 01:11:40 · answer #6 · answered by luckystar 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
better LET IT HAPPEN NOW ,YOU ARE TOO YOUNG CAN MANAGE THIS SMALL TENSION , LATER IT COULD HAVE BECOME BIG HEADACHE . GOOD LUCK .
2006-08-19 01:12:22 · answer #7 · answered by your noon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋