my 19 yr old in jail?

Question

Believe me im not helping my son get out,I helped him get in cause he did break into a persons home,and I helped police to find the things he stole and they got it back,he is an adult and didnt live with me because he chose to continue the drugs,if you never did drugs you wont understand the addiction of it,I was just asking about the strike,the time he is fine with he knows he did wrong and has to pay for his crime. just to give you a better understanding,I was looking for a rehab for him before this happened but it was for the best,I do feel better hes there,and yes we all gotta pay our taxes anyway,for thousands of inmates. he knows he has a loving family,that he knows,but the drugs was what he chose on his own.

Answer 1

You have to take a hard fall to get back up. I think you did what any parent would have done. You can't quit your addiction over night. Maybe he'll see the hard consequences that he's up against. Maybe being sober for a bit will make him yearn for better.

Don't beat yourself up. Your a great mom and you have a great idea about drug rehabs. If you didn't care he probably wouldn't be alive now or you would have just turned and looked away.

I don't know where you live but we have some good ones in Seattle through the Seattle Union Gospel Mission. Maybe they can direct you to one in your area.

http://www.ugm.org/ProgramsMen.asp#longterm
Under long term care.

I'll keep your family in my prayers.

Answer 2

Sounds so familiar ! The best I can tell you: I know that this hurts you because after all he is your son. But if your son does not recognize that he has a problem and that he needs help, there's nothing any body can do for him. Your just wasting your time, money on him. The best thing I would say is put this in gods hands. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Believe me I know I've been there and done that ! He is probably scared as a chicken ready to be whacked huh . Well, he sure wasn't scared to do what he did at that time was he. And where were you when he got caught? Probably worried as hell huh. I tell you to bad we can't throw our kids to the curb huh? Although some people do ! But it takes fools like us to put up with this crap ! Good- Luck ! And please don't worry your self to death. It's not worth it. He did the crime now he needs to do the time.

Answer 3

I can't believe the number of people here that want to blame the parent for everything a kid does. How many people on these boards have good parents? How many of you as teens did things your parent's knew nothing about? How many of you have gotten in trouble by your parents and didn't listen to what they had to say because you thought you were grown and could do as you pleased. There are good parents with Children that have made mistakes. Unless a parent is with their teens every minute of the day, how do you know what is going on. For those of you that are quick to judge.... your day is coming, you may wake up and find yourseld with a teenager. I read just yesterday that a lot drugs are being done behind a closed bedroom door by kids as young as 12 with a parent in the next room. Just because your kids are hanging out at home, doesn't mean they are angels.

Answer 4

I am not sure what your question is, but PLEASE, go to Al Anon and Narc Anon. You can help yourself to deal with his choices. You CANNOT change him. If he's lucky this will be his bottom and he'll want help. But if he doesn't want to clean up, there is nothing anyone can do. Rehab/sobriety is for people who WANT it, not for people who need it. The 1st step says, "We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction..." It doesn't say a whole bunch of people kept telling us..."

You did the right thing and nothing he is doing is your fault in any way, shape or form. My heart goes out to you, and let me tell you but for the Grace of God, I could be in your shoes, or your sons. I hope this is his bottom or he hits it soon, cuz if he doesn't his bottom will be 6 feet under.

I have been clean off meth 2 1/2 years after an almost 6 year binge. Since I have been in recovery, I've watched 5 die, and many more drop out and not come back. Remember, the most important thing you can do is take care of yourself, and PRAY, PRAY, PRAY. But I've also watched countless others stay clean and rebuild their lives, and each one is a miracle.

I'll pray for you and your family. God Bless.

People who don't know don't know so don't let the jerks upset you. If they are still using they aren't about to admit drugs cause anything. My little girl doesn't have a daddy anymore cuz he can't quit. It isn't him, its the dope.

Answer 5

this is piece of an essay i recently wrote........Nobody ever stands up in grade school and says, “I want to be an alcoholic when I grow up”. Most addicts had dreams, hopes and aspirations similar to ours, but they have unfortunately fallen victim to the disease of alcoholism, and as the alcoholic suffers, so do the people around them....................i believe that the same can be said for drug addicts.......i know how you feel, i was in love with an addict for many years and end the end i had to leave him.........honestly, jail is the best place for him right now...for drug addicts, it usually is, they have time to think and sober up...an addict will not quit until they have truly hit rock bottom and cannot go down any further, for some it may be loosing their kids, family, home and etc......and for those who dont have those things, it may be, laying their heads where ever they can, robbing and stealing and doing whatever to get the next rock, or pipe load.....and then going to jail........there are free rehabs, try salvationarmy.com and other places like that.....also narcotica anonymous meetings.......but he has to be ready and really want to quit.........the family needs to give him "tough love", dont allow him to come and lay up after a drug binge, put your foot down...dont give him money.....good luck..

Answer 6

All depending on where you live, alot of times with the rehab idea the judge has rescources on these programs. This isn't for when he's inside (however it does start there) but you can also apply for it so that when he gets out, he'll go directly there for long term services. Also there is a 'program' for the 'family' that can give 1 to 1 support and counseling to help out in coming to terms with addiction and how to cope with such. There is funding for it also and is most major cities. If you cannot get in contact with the judge or office of the courts, ask for the prosecuting lawyers, or defense lawyers in the court. they'll refure you to the right direction to go. This way he'll learn how to be a 'positive community member, instead of a case #

Answer 7

i also have a 19 year old son he has been to jail a couple of time and most of them could have been avoided but he continues to wont to hang out with the younger crowed and he ends up taking the fall for everything because he is the oldest and no matter what i say all i get is i,m grown he no longer lives with me and my home he lives with his girlfriend but the more i try and help the less he wont so i still worry for him but i have three other children i have to focus on he just wont listen.

Answer 8

I think what you are asking is; did you do the right thing by turning in your son to the law?

The answer is yes you did, maybe with time spent he will be a better person, because if he continued he would have wound up killing some one or someone killing him.

Answer 9

It is called "Tough Love" when we allow our children to be held accountable for their actions. Until we experience the consequences of our bad behavior we don't fully learn the difference between RIGHT and WRONG. This experience helps them grow and learn that good choices in life bring happiness and the bad/wrong choices bring us pain/sorrow...sometimes many years later in life when we least expect it.

Answer 10

Dear I feel for you and sometimes you have to do the tough love thing. Just always tell him you love him and that he needs to wake up and get it together. Good Luck & my thoughts are with you .