What do I do? Am i wrong?

Question

My future mother in law says that since she is paying for the wedding rehersal dinner she gets to choose where we go. I agree that she should have a say but here is the problem. She is giving me and my fiancee absolutely no say in where we go for our dinner. she chose a place that we both expressed that we did not want to go so i stated that i will not go unless she changes her mind. I really do not care where we go but there is only one place i refuse, because i do not like the food. Am i wrong in telling her i will not go? What do i do? please help!!!

Answer 1

How about this....you are both wrong. She's wrong in giving you and your fiance no say in the matter, and you are wrong in confronting her. Mother in laws can be pains, I know... Ask her why she insists on this one place. Is there a reason? Are they giving her a great deal? Is some place that has special memories for her and her family? I have always looked at the rehersal dinner as the groom's family gift to the couple and the wedding party. So, I think they should really have more say. When my daughter got married, his family showed them several places and let the couple decide on which place.
First thing you need to do-is you and your fiance need to sit down with Mom, and ask her why? Did you tell her from the start that you didn't like this place? Does she have a clue? You are definitely starting out on the wrong foot with her. You are going to dealing with this lady for the rest of your life, so, you better get a handle on things now. Respect her, she is your love's Mother, so talk to her. Listen to her, ask her why she picked this place. She may just reason, and if she does, then have the wedding rehersal there, and after dinner, go out for a burger. Haven't you ever been some place for the atmostphere instead of the food.
I am asking you to talk to her. Keep your cool, and listen to what she has to say. Be ready for her. Do a little research on different places that you and the groom would approve of? Have total costs ready. Compromise if money is the problem. I am going to give Mom in law the benefit of the doubt and say she has a very good reason in doing this, so why not find out what it is before ruining the whole wedding over a meal.
Because honey, this could ruin the whole wedding, if you don't come for her dinner, what's to say she doesn't come to your wedding. What is the future husband going to do, when his family refuses to show.....Is this worth it?
PLEASE, PLEASE talk to her. Before this goes on any longer. I am a mother in law, and I have told my son in law to come to me, if I ever done anything he didn't like or approved of. I would not want to hurt his feelings any more than I would my daughter's. So, please sit down with her and find out why. One day you maybe a mother in law, how you want your in laws to deal with something you are doing that they don't like.

Don't let one meal ruin your relationship with your new family. I am not saying give in, I am asking you to talk to her. Respect her and talk to her. Then make your decision, see what she has to say.....then decide whether it's worth not going on or not...remember this a very special day for her too! So, think about this very carefully...that's all I am suggesting......
God bless us all..................

Answer 2

Wow I'm glad I didn't have that problem with my mother in law. Just tell her not to pay and that youd rather go somewhere else. It's your wedding so you're never wrong. It's your special day and you and your man should decide on eveyrthing (mostly you but he can help out too lol). I got married last year and sometimes family can make things really tough. My true advice it to go to vegas and a wirlwind romantic adventure with just the two of you and elope. It'll save you a lot of time, hassle, and money and can make for some fun memories.
If that isn't an option stick to your guns, sometimes you have to stand up for yourself during wedding planning or everyone will run over you and the next thing you know your whole day isn't what you wanted and you'll wish you would have followed my eloping advice. Remember, you can't please everyone so you've got to please yourself. Your the bride, it's YOUR day, and don't let anyone call you bridezilla for going after what you want.

Answer 3

Have you explained to your future mother in law why you don't want to go to this place? Is it bad food, bad service, bad menu, what? Chances are, if both you and your fiance explain to her what the problem is, she'll find another place. Also, is she from out of town trying to plan this rehearsal dinner? If she is, she may have only heard about this one restaurant and doesn't know any other places that would work. Make some suggestions for her on acceptable places and she may be willing to make some changes.

Answer 4

Instead of being so blunt with your mother-in-law to be, sit down with her and voice your concerns, if nothing else, say you get an allergic reaction to the food at that place. You have to start getting better skills in handling a mother-in-law. You VOICE your concerns, but remember what you say, words hurt and feelings are hard to mend. He has been with her longer then you, and she will always be his mother. Don't make him take sides, make sure that he voices the same concerns, and let her know that you love her and welcome her input, but, you both have very serious concerns about the Rehersal Dinner.

You are the Bride, she only gets this one chance to please her son and welcome you into HER FAMILY! Do it like a grown-up and stop being such a brat! When you have your own family, and they are boys, how do you want to be treated by your future daughter-in-laws. Remember that before you fight with her!

Answer 5

If she is paying she decides thats life and one dinner is not the fight you want to be fighting with your future mother in law who hopefully will be with you the rest of your life. Dont start the whole thing off fighting over something that your not paying for its a free meal go and get it over with and GROW UP. this is what marriage is about, knowing when to put the other persons feelings above your own. Sacrifice your wants to another human being. The problem is your not getting your way and thats not what marriage is about. Marriage isnt about flowers and prime rib and everthing being perfect marriage is about how YOU handle things that are not perfect. Pick your battles.

Answer 6

You should probably have a say, but don't be too picky. This is your in-laws' show. Yours is the reception. Ideally, she would have asked you what sort of place you would prefer; I don't really understand why she would want to make you miserable! Isn't that a waste of money? But get your future husband to talk to her because you don't need a big brawl to stress you out right now. Hopefully she will ease up and choose a place you can all enjoy.

Answer 7

It's just a wedding rehearsal dinner. Are you having the wedding where you want to? Great gown and tux? Lots of friends? A nice honeymoon?

You can deal with any mil issues later on. She is just trying to be nice. If there is some control issue going on, it's still not that big a deal to swallow the bad food one night just for peace's sake.

Enjoy yourself, and good luck.

Answer 8

I think the bride & groom should select the place where the rehearsal dinner is held, But the best solution may be that your future mother in law simply state the amount of money she is willing to spend, and you select a restaurant that fits the bill so to speak....

Answer 9

Oh, man. This has "nightmare" written all over it.

Here's the thing: this argument has nothing to do with restaurants. It has everything to do with control and power.

Just know that fact going into this marriage. 'Cause momma ain't gonna change.

As far as the dinner goes: put on your big girl panties and deal with it graciously. She who has the money wins. Is she being unfair? Yes. Will it kill you? No.

Take the high road. Let her be the petty one.

(eat something before you go so that you won't be that hungry, and you can walk around with a glass of champagne and chat with your guests)

Deep breath. Now, relax. It's all going to be fine.

Answer 10

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