we are getting married in less than 2 months and he still has not talked to my dad, and sees no reason why he should, and my dad says he wont attend until my fiance talks to him. what is the big deal, why cant he just talk to my dad?
2006-08-18 13:31:15 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Okay, first- the custom of the groom asking for the bride's hand in marriage comes from the understanding that the woman, no matter the age, as long as she is single is under the authority and protection of her father. When she gets married the covering she is under transfers to her husband. The full meaning of this is lost in today's culture.
Out of respect for her father's authority and the way he brought his daughter up, the potential groom would make his intentions known to the father, letting the father know how he intends on taking care of the man's daughter and that he takes his responsibility as a husband seriously.
I suggest if your fiance has any respect for your family , he would talk to your father- regardless if he feels it is necessary or lines up with modern customs, what is it going to hurt?? It is a mtter of showing respect and consideration for you and your family. If he is going to be this stubborn on this issue- I would really give some though to how he will react and respond to the really important things- I mean reallywhat is the big deal about going to your father and giving him the peace of mind that his daughter will be well taken care of- I would think really hard about what you are getting into. Respect and courtesy seem to be a big issue here .
2006-08-18 14:54:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, I think a guy should ask for the lot of you, not just your hand, and secondly, this situation has a lot of factors, that all boil down to tradition. It depends on how long you have been together, and how well you fiance and dad get along. Your dad is probably more traditional, and thinks that your fiance should follow marriage procedure, whereas your partner probably feels like, 'they already know we're getting married, what's the point.' He may feel stupid asking permission to do something that he is going to do regardless of the answer anyway.
2006-08-18 14:35:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
To answer your first question, The guy doesnt have to ask a parents peremission to marry, there is no written rule that says anything about this. However this is done purely out of respect for the womans family. I believe it shows much respect to her family when the man asks for the daughters hand in marriage. To answer your second question, Maybe your father is waiting to see just how much respect that your soon to be husband has for you and your family. Maybe you need to read this to your fiance and talk to him and make him understand that it would be a great gesture of respect and make him look like the wonderful man, you must think he is, to your father.
2006-08-18 13:51:22 · answer #3 · answered by spencerluck2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your father and your fiance are both being ridiculous. Women are not property and a man does not need to ask for the woman's "hand" anymore. But if it means that much to your dad, your fiance should talk to him (he does not have to ASK for your hand).
A good solution would be for you and your fiance to talk to your dad together.
2006-08-21 21:17:29 · answer #4 · answered by Patti C 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds to me like there's some animosity between fiancee and father. Did they have some kind of falling out in the past? Is there some respect problem? Tell your fiancee to be the bigger man. Ask him for all of you to put pride aside and go and talk to daddy. To start your wedding with this bummer hanging over you all will only cause a sad feeling that will nag for the rest of your lives together. Just tell daddy he'd better be sober and show some respect to your fiancee when he does come for the talk.
2006-08-19 03:29:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is the usual custom of how things are done in the past. I guess you father thinks that your fiance by not asking for your hand in marriage , this is being disrespectful to him, while at the same time breaking a long standing customs.
2006-08-18 13:39:07 · answer #6 · answered by WC 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is your fiance in denial?
You have a dad.
Your fiance is getting married to you.
Your fiance may as well get used to your dad.
He does't see a reason why he should talk to your dad?
1) He's YOUR dad, his future father-in-law
2) Your dad won't attend his daughter's wedding if he doesn't
He should be mature enough to talk to your dad.
If you don't know why he won't, you should ask him. You really should. Be honest with how you feel, and listen.
2006-08-18 14:52:27 · answer #7 · answered by FaZizzle 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is truly only a form of tradition and yet, it certainly indicates a form of respect. My sister has three daughters that are now married. The father of the bride did not expect any of his future son-in-laws to ask for the marriage of his daughters because they were well-educated and self-suffient. To his surprise, Two of her son-in-laws asked the future father-in-law for the hand of his daughter in marriage. One did not. The one that did not ask the father-in-law for his blessing in marriage to his daughter has increasingly shown other signs of disrespect to the family and to his wife as well. Your father is asking for this simple tradition to be fulfilled by your future husband, which as you know, does not take much effort.
2006-08-22 06:14:34 · answer #8 · answered by Linda M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he need to talk to your dad! come on now! you're his little girl, he saw you grow from a baby to a women. your fiance can at least have the common courtesy to ask the father of his soon to be wife...especially of your dad really wants him to....tel-ll him suck it up be a man grow some balls and just do it. it will make everyone happy
2006-08-18 13:38:36 · answer #9 · answered by surfrider501 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not all boyfriend do ask there girlfriends fathers for their daughters hand in married. Mine didn't ask and we are getting married in two months.
2006-08-22 12:31:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋