parenting problems?

Question

I have been with my son's father for 5 years now. We are planning on getting married next year. Our son is 3 1/2. He thinks that I yell and scream to much at our son. One morning I faught with our son for 15 min trying to get him to wear a new pair of shoes cause he had worn the others out. He didnt want and threw a fit and then I started yelling at him and he screamed more and I tried talking to him but in a lowd toned voice. My mother died last year and Im 24 with a almost 4 year old & getting married. I have been through a lot and she had been sick since he was 5 mths. I miss her and it makes it hard not having her around. She was 45 and the biggest part of my life and she is gone. For 2 yrs, I missed a big part of his life. When I came back in he was turning 2 and his father spend the most time with him. I think Im trying to make up for lost time, but i missed the growing up and learning part and lost my patients. Please help me so I can stop yelling at him & hurting his feelings.

Answer 1

When you get that frustrated, walk away for a few minutes. Pick your battles. The shoe thing that you talk about...my son has gone to daycare in his pj's because he refused to get dressed. (he is 3 right now). If you are just going out somewhere, grab the shoes and the son. Eventually he is going to want to walk, tell him he can't do that until he puts his shoes on. I come from a loud family. My mom yelled ( still does) a lot. I have to make myself sometimes remember not to get loud and yell. It doesn't always work, but it has gotten better. Instead of yelling, wait a few minutes, get down on his level, look him in the eye and tell him what you need him to do. Remember that you are the adult and that even if he is yelling, you need to remain calm and collected. It may be hard because of all you are going through, but you need to step up for your sake and your sons. Take it slow, breath, and things will get better as long as your committed to making it better.

Answer 2

Consider your problem, mother aside for right now because that wn't help you with the present and the difficulty your having.

Think about this for a second...If he's already whining and throwing a fit what's really going to get him going more? Momma gettin' mad, that what.

Rather then yelling at him back (whether to get his attention or not) take a deep breath, count to 10, sit down and just watch him, and let him throw his fit and get over it. Yelling just gets him going more and you as well.

If your in a hurry or it isn't something where everyone has to go/his dad can do it himself and your son would enjoy going there getting a toy, etc. then have your husband just go by himself if he would because the little guy ain't going if he's acting like this.

It might seem demanding on your husband to do this, but sooner or later he (the child that is :) ) will learn to listen and do as he's told if he wants to go. This worked with my niece who recently turned 5 and grew up with not knowing her father really at all. She threw fits, but enough sitting at home with her grandma got her moving and listening.

Answer 3

your using his non cooperation as a way to vent your frustrations about your mom's passing. you need to speak with a therapist. kids argue, kids are stubborn...that's what they do! when you act like that you are teaching your kid that yelling and screaming IS communication. so he yells back.
if you feel yourself getting upset. STOP, and LEAVE the room that your child is in. go to another room, where it is quiet and clam yourself down. even if your running late. its better to be late...than be angry.
the thing about the shoes...should be a non issue. you just tell him calmly but firmly. your old shoes are worn out. they don't fit, i bought you new, better fitting shoes. then throw out the old shoes. if he argues about wearing the new ones...let him go without shoes for a day. *of course you have to explain this to the school*. perhaps the school would be helpful too, my son did this when he was 6. i took him in just socks to the school, explained to the principal why he was in just socks, and the principal said he couldn't go to class until he put his new shoes on..that he would have to sit in detention.
he put his new shoes on 3 mins after that little talk, and some thinking in the detention hall.

YOU cannot get your child to do anything when you yell. all that does is scare the crap out of him, and makes him think you don't care about him.
you need to get some help, and knock this out. perhaps your soon to be husband should handle any temper tantrums or disagreements with your son until you can get a handle on your temper.

Answer 4

Girl, you need some counseling...It will help a great deal. Parenting classes worked wonders for me and my 2 children . Just be consistant and loving. Try a *star* sheet. Draw up the days of the week and anytime he does something positive reward him with stars on the sheet and then every two days give hima treat or something that he likes as a reward for the good behavior for the past 2 days.

Answer 5

Most kids won't listen to yelling it only teaches them to yell. Calmly show him that he needs to do something. Praise and love him and have fun time with him. When he doesn't listen tell him no and don't yell but be firm. By being loving he will come to you but scarying him he will only retaliate. Have some really great bonding time and let him make some decisions and praise his efforts. I am sorry about your mom. Be the kind of Mom you want your kid to miss. Love is patient and kind, remember that. Good luck.

Answer 6

You have a lot going on. You need to talk to a counselor, and maybe take some parenting classes. The age your son is right now is one of the hardest to deal with, from my experience, and if you have missed some years of his life, especially, it will make it more difficult. You need to find a way to de-stress DAILY, and DO IT! Good luck to you!

Answer 7

hon i have a 13 yr old son with adhd and i was a single parent for 11 years til i met my new boyfriend.my son hated him at first but has grown fond of him. i understand about your mom dying because my dad died at the age of 46 when my son was 5. i think you need to try and let his dad handle things a little more,,not to push you away but im saying as far as correcting him. boys are hard to handle trust me....just be a loving mom and try and just be there for your son without putting him down or yelling at him. try giving him his space he needs as well as you. things will get better as he gets older and understands that you were just trying to love him and help him.

Answer 8

You sound overwhelmed. I am sure you love your son but it sounds like you need some help. Maybe some local churches have a mothers day out program where you could take time just for you. Don't feel guilty about it either as a mother you deserve time to unwind.

Answer 9

First off, I feel for you... I feel your pain and your loneliness. I am sorry for that. As for your son. You are really making things worse for your relationship with him. A few things to remember: DO not let him run the household, you are the parent. (He will love and respect you more as he gets older if you give him a set of rules and stick to them.) If he does not stick to them you need to put him on a timeout chair, Please parents if you are using a timeout chair make sure you bend down and talk to your child eye to eye and explain to him/her why they are going to the timeout chair. Never yell, it teaches them aggressive behavior. Really try treating him like a small adult, no yelling, a lot of love, rules, boundary's, and stick with it. Do not waver on any decision. You will not teach him the things that he will need later in life if you continue the road that you are on.

Answer 10

You are in a tough situation, and I feel for you. Your child is just at that age where he is "testing" you . Maybe you could try ignoring him when he acts up. I am very sorry for your loss of your Mom. Maybe there is a counseling center that all three of you could go to. I wish you the best. Parenting is a tough job.