She's a good kid. She's almost fifteen years old. Her mother and I have a promising relationship. Her mother is expressing a need for me to become more involved with her daughter who doesn't really have a father figure in her life. I have no children of my own. I don't have any plans to have children. I am interested in pursuing a relationship with her mother which, of course, means that I will become a central male figure in this young girl's life. I need ideas, ways to express interest that don't come off as overbearing or creepy. The girl likes me and we are developing an emotional attachment as we participate in activities with her mom. I have never had to be a dad. She does need guidance and understanding. She is a typical teen in that she has a hard time getting out of bed and doing household chores. She is also exceptionally pretty, tall and lean, bright eyed and long haired just like her mother. She is not naive. She has a great relationship with her mom. How to be a dad?
2006-08-18 12:24:00 · 11 answers · asked by David S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Just treat her like a person, and individual. It's when you try too hard that it gets weird.
2006-08-18 12:29:37 · answer #1 · answered by Catspaw 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fathers often alienate their daughters by giving solutions and not asking enough questions. Men commonly don't understand the female need to talk and share, even when their daughters are not looking for advice or help. Men mistakenly assume that their job is always to fix things, when much of the time a little girl, teenager, or woman will just want to talk and be heard.
Since fathers tend to be more concerned with providing for the family, they are often less involved with the day-to-day details of raising the children. Othen this gives little girls the message that their father just doesn't care.
To bond with his daughter, a father needs to put in time asking informed questions and to practice listening without always offering advice.
With this in mind, you should have no problems at all. Good Luck and Best Wishes!!!
2006-08-18 14:55:51 · answer #2 · answered by Julie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At 15 she doesn't need a "dad" to start laying down the law. It sounds like you're off to a great start with you and the mom and the daughter all doing things together. Your girlfriend should make the suggestion to your daughter, as in, "I've got to do such-and-such this afternoon, why don't you and so-and-so go see a movie?" Leave it to your girlfriend to be the main disciplinarian but back her up and support her in her parenting. You could offer to help out with schoolwork, or find out what the daughter's interested in and work from that. Just take baby steps and focus on building a relationship. Gradually she'll start to trust you and open up more but it takes time.
2006-08-18 13:15:52 · answer #3 · answered by gafpromise 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are doing things just right. Getting to know her and letting her get to know you while participating in activities with her Mom. As you come to know her better you will see how what you say affects her. Easy questions such as what happened at school today? Will usually get a very small response. Ask her about whatever sport she is interested in, about the high school football team. What is her favorite subject in school or her favorite teacher. As you get to know her you can ask about any boys she is interested in. It sounds like she is a beautiful girl and when the boys come around she will need a Dad to help her judge which boys she will want to see. With the questions you have asked it sounds like you are going the right way and have the chance to be a really great Dad. Good luck and God bless.
2006-08-18 13:17:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try talking to her as an equal. Bear in mind that she is still a teen at the same time. Plan some family type outings together and ask her what she thinks. Give her time to get used to the idea of you being around all the time. Most importantly of all, take a fifty-five gallon drum of patience along for the ride. You're gonna need it.
2006-08-18 12:34:49 · answer #5 · answered by S.A.M. Gunner 7212 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. Act cool with her starting out, just like one of the guys.
2. Be sure to not act like a dad unless things get really serious with her mom and you.
3. The best way to get any female comfortable around you is to make her laugh, so do just that.
4. Make sure that she notices how well you treat her mom. That's a big deal when dealing with any woman who has children.
5. Don't act all slick and fast-talking, or she'll think you're hiding something. Be a regular guy and she'll treat you like one.
2006-08-18 12:31:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said one thing which really concerns me: "She is also exceptionally pretty, tall and lean, bright eyed and long-haired just like her mother." Why was it necessary to include that statement in a question about how to be a father figure to your girlfriend's daughter? Are you secretly attracted to the daughter?
You must be sure of what you're embarking on here. It sounds like you have made a good start at developing a bond; just make sure you stay objective. Don't get involved in discipline issues, just be her friend and adult guide on issues she brings to you.
And please stop commenting on her physical appearance; that worries me.
2006-08-18 13:11:51 · answer #7 · answered by Nefertiti 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
DON'T DO IT!!! That is the number one mistake that step parents make, trying to be a parent.
She will never accept you and you can be put in jail for some of the most mild forms of discipline. And Mom will help it happen in the interest of "protecting the child".
Being her parent is not your job. Don't try to do it! It's Mom's job! She needs to do it! You keep your hands to your self or you'll be sorry.
You can try to be a friend. But don't push it.
2006-08-18 12:32:41 · answer #8 · answered by Daniel T 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Treat her like a young adult. Ask her questions and solicit her input on important issues. Discuss her answers with her, take her advice if it is good, give her credit for her ideas and occasionally (but not often) leave the decision up to her. You and mom should be the adults and she should be the adult under instruction.
2006-08-18 12:33:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be a friend first. She must learn to trust you.Support her Mom , and as you get to know the girl, she may come to you for advise. Make sure that she doesn't play one of you against the other.If you are her friend and adviser, you aren't as likely to hear "You Aren't My Dad" when she becomes angry, because you aren't trying to be.
2006-08-18 12:56:14 · answer #10 · answered by kayboff 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋