How can I encourage my kids (ages 3 and 5) to use a spoon and fork (instead of fingers) when eating?

Question

When my kids were younger, what they ate (fruit, veggies, salad, fish) was more important to me than how they ate, so I did not emphasize table manners. Unfortunately, now, all too often, their spoon and fork sit cleanly beside their plate for the entire meal while they use their fingers! I can remind them to use silverware, which works for a bite or two, but how can I encourage them to use their silverware and/or help them want to have good table manners? I'm concerned that I'm neglecting my parental duties by not addressing this matter. I'd prefer not to result to extreme measures or fear tactics (e.g., "Next time you use your fingers, you'll be dismissed with no more food for the rest of the night") if I can help it (although, come to think of it, this would probably be effective). They are still working out their motor skills, so I can understand their temptation, plus we often eat corn on the cob, grapes, and other things that "are" acceptable finger foods. Thoughts?

Answer 1

This is a simple one...
If their hands are clean after dinner (because they used their utensils,) then they get dessert--popsicles are usually a real pleaser and you can use sugar free pops if you are calorie conscious...if their hands are dirty, then they don't get the dessert. You can remind the children during meals to not get their hands dirty because they want to get dessert....
The key here is to remember that in time they will use their utensils, and don't make this a way to make meal times torture time for the kids because every time they eat they get scolded and or yelled at. Don't withhold food...
The five year old is clearly too old to be using his or her hands to eat foods that are not acceptable finger foods like grapes. If the popsicle thing doesn't work after a few weeks with that one, I suggest putting loose socks on the childs hands during dinner so he or she can't use fingers but can still use the fork and spoon. Don't do this in a punishing way, though, introduce it as a way to help remember to use the fork and spoon.
Our children are little and precious for such a short time in our lives...we really need to treasure them...don't jump to punishment when there are ways to coerce them to do what we want in other ways. Punishment is necessary sometimes, but not very often.

Answer 2

Here is the deal...They are old enough to understand what you tell them to do and they also know now that they can get away with not using silverware. You need to stay on top of it remind them and tell them that they can not eat without there silverware and you could either put them in time out or make them sit there and watch everyone else eat until they are ready to pick up there fork. One last little idea that came to mind..For a while serve them foods that you can't eat without silverware like soups,yogert, guacamolie, refried beans, cereal like rice crispies, rice with sauce on it, apple sauce, pudding, jello ect. Then once they eat with silverware for a week try giving them solids again. Just remember you are the parent what you say should go and that they don't need constant reminding they are just pushing the envelope to get what they want. Put your foot down and fallow threw. Fallowing threw is the most important thing. Don't just give up half way threw a meal cause that will mean they won. I am not trying to be mean but take the temptations away like finger foods give them some silverware and even if there motor skills aren't that good right now they will be able to eat just fine with a utensile. My daugter is two and always uses one even if she has to pick up the food with her fingers and put it on the spoon or fork then put it in her mouth. Your children will figure it out...

Answer 3

From what I have been taught and have been through with children ages 2-5 is that they need to see you use your silverware. It is very important that you set a good model your children look up to you and will try to do the same things as you.

Also you need to let them know what they can eat with their fingers and what they can't. My children have a hard using their silverware when we are using them (ages2-4).

It is still important that you let them know what you expect of them at dinner time.

Be consonant don't let it go for a min. or they will go back to what they were doing before. Think of Doctor Phil and what he says a lot of the time we live what we know!!

It will be hard but keep up with what you start and it will happen don't worry they know how to use them but haven't been made to use them.

The biggest thing you shouldn't do is punish your children for eating the wrong way. Food shouldn't be used a punishment or a reward!!

Good luck!!

Answer 4

I disagree with the kids aren't old enough to worry about it, as at five they go to kindergarten and I'm sure you'd like them to eat with utensils. Talk at the beginning of dinner and tell them what food they may eat with their fingers and what they need to use their fork/spoon for. When you see them not using the fork or spoon, remind them that that is not acceptable. Be consistent. Whenever you sit down to a meal, keep an eye on them and say.."Billy use your spoon please". You may have to say a lot at first, but they will eventually just do it. The best thing, be patient and persistent. They'll get it.

Answer 5

Model eating with fork, spoon etc. Show them how fun it can be. Encourage and praise them when they do it. The five year old should be given rules, this will help the younger one. But start slow so they are not put off. I use a sticker chart for good behavior if I really want it to happen...you have to be selective. It works well.

Answer 6

Maybe you could feed them more things like soup, where they would have to use a spoon. Sit with them through their meals and just remind them when they start to use their fingers that is not appropriate behavior at the table. Please please please don't take their food away. It's really not that big of a deal anyway, Yes you do need to teach them the correct way of eating, but to punish them or take away their food is not right. As they get older they will figure it out. Don't punish yourself by thinking you are a bad mother because your kids eat with their fingers. If that is the worst they ever do you will be in GOOOOOD shape. Just use gentle reminders and tell them why it is not appropriate to use your fingers to eat.

Answer 7

See...I started them (also 2.5 and 5) using spoons and forks...NOW for EVERY meal they have to both use BOTH the fork and the spoon...SO...my problem is the opposite!
Just keep reminding them when they are eating(you're liable to say it SOOOOO much you get sick of hearing it..)...we use a fork or we use a spoon..try NOT to dismiss them from the table..cause that will backfire at you as well..especially if it's something THEY don't like..they will use their fingers faster than you can say.."go to your room" Good luck

Answer 8

Start introducing them to foods that require utensils, like soup and mashed potatoes. It is also possible to create a thick atmosphere of "polite table manners" when eating certain meals -- this can be very enjoyable and even humorous if done correctly. Modeling behavior is very important, too, so you -- as parents -- can use utensils for foods that you might not normally. They will call you on it, and then you can ask how they know what is appropriate for what foods.

Answer 9

well as a mom of a 5y 4y & a 3y i would just be thankful for them to eat
but if you must get them to eat with utinsils try the kids stuff the other person said my kids fight over who gets to use them.
and tell them if they are going to be "big" they need to use them and stop eating like babys.

if all else fails tell them to use the fork and spoon or you will take the food away. and then take it away for a few minutes when ever they use fingers on inaproprate foods. (not for good just till they deside they will use the fork or spoon)

oh try giving something that they HAVE to use a spoon for. Like brothy soup. (and dont let them just tip the bowl and drink)

Answer 10

They will grow out of it. We mothers worry about things that will naturally take care of themselves with time and maturity. You sound high strung and stressed like you need a girls night out (preferably without the guilt please). Trust me there will be more important things to ponder for their well being. Also, you are a good mother and very attentive, but like you said "working out their motor skills". .........you don't work that out you keep living and your motor skills become more refined. Really this is nothing in the grand scheme of what a mother will have to guide our children through. They are 3 and 5, not 13 an 15.