My son is 4. His father and I are divorced but still have a good relationship. I have my son every other week then he's off to his dad's house for a week. So far this has worked but I think it has generated some issues with discipline. My son's father lives with his mother and step dad so "Grandma and Grandpa" are around all the time. My son throws tantrums when he is at my home to the point he will force himself to throw up. He has urinated on his floor right in front of me when asked to try and go potty, he refuses to pick up after himself, he can't seem to do anything on some days, he whines, he refuses to listen to anything except what he wants to hear. (I realize that part is normal.) I have tried everything, time out, spanking (yes, I believe in it), smacked hands, etc... I believe that he has no discipline structure at his other home and this is the cause of part his behavior. Unfortunately, I can't do anything about that. What can I do to make my home a lil more bearable?
2006-08-18 11:04:29 · 13 answers · asked by pagudus6669 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
Since you and your X have a good relationship, make sure you and him are on the same page as far as what's allowed and what's not. If you aren't disciplining him the same way, there will be trouble. Dad and Grandma and Grandpa may be a lot more leinent than you are.
If you're spanking or hitting his hands when he is upset, it's just going to escalate things. On top of being mad, frustrated or sad, now he's hurt. He's living in two homes and is going through a lot. Especially if each house doesn't have the same set of rules.
Some counselling for him wouldn't be a bad idea, either. My sister and her husband have 50/50 custody of his daughter. It gets really rough sometimes.
2006-08-18 14:25:47 · answer #1 · answered by CCTCC 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put as much effort into praise as you do to discipline. Lots of hugs and kisses, and not just when they have "obeyed". Stick to the time outs consistently, without showing anger... and insist on apology afterwards followed by hug. You might feel like you're bouncing your head off the wall for awhile, but believe it, it will get better.
It's not that unusual to act out at your primary home when you are young and from a broken home... but if I was getting spanked and hands smacked at one parental home, I'd be more beligerant at that place over the other too....
2006-08-18 11:14:52 · answer #2 · answered by mama_bears_den 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the best thing you can do is just enforce strict rules at your house. Possibly he is trying to push your limits as he will do to his father as well. The father may not admit this though because then that would make you the problem. My best advice to you woould be along ith the strict rules enforce respect. My daughter is 4 my husband and I are still together and she acts the same way--To a point. I ignore most of it, but I have started grounding her and not allowing her to play outside ect and she is starting to get the point. I am very encouraging. When she finally decided to clean up her toys one day, I praised her so much and now she willingly does it and makes her bed too!! Good luck
2006-08-19 03:25:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest having all the family members from both sides who your son lives with together. Have a neutral party present to help facilitate the discussion. Then try to work this out and come to some agreements. It's got to be very confusing for the poor kid to be shuttled back and forth from house to house every other week. There is no consistency in his life at all.
2006-08-18 11:18:48 · answer #4 · answered by momma2mingbu 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Clearly your son has a different set of rules at his dad's house than at yours... maybe because he lives with grandma & grandpa (who can be notorious when it comes to discipline)? I think it is to your advantage that you & your ex still have a good relationship, because one thing you might want to do is to get together to come up with a mutual set of rules to be followed at both houses. Then both of you sit down with your son to talk about the rules and what will happen if they're not followed (i.e. take away favorite toy or TV priviledges... personally I'm not a fan of spanking). I wish you luck!
2006-08-18 11:16:39 · answer #5 · answered by Celticlassie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not an expert on this, but it wouldn't surprise me if being in an unhappy environment or a victim of a broken family could have a lot to do with it, along with confusion that might be brought about by so many adults, including a step grandparent. It just might not be a happy condition for him, overall and it sort of sounds like a typical family mess in this day and age.
2006-08-18 11:15:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, couldn't you change the visitation to 2 hours a month or something. Just kidding.
Sounds to me like your son is trying to illicit a prescribed response and you are giving it to him.
No 4 year old kid should pull down his pants and piss on the floor when ever he wants to and get away with it. This kid needs some serious discipline and like yesterday. Sounds to me like grandma and grandpa have been spoiling this one and that needs to change. next time little Dameon decides to piss on the floor he needs to be condemned to the bathroom with nothing but him in it in his wet pants until he can come out and act civilized.
You got your hands full!!
2006-08-18 11:26:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeah..someone else who uses the "spanking method"~ I'd talk to my ex and express the concern about how he's acting when he's with dad and his family...OR tell him...the arrangement isn't working anymore...and tell him that it will change because YOU feel your son isn't being taught how to be respectful in someone's house...EVEN his own!! And that if he wants to continue with the every other week...things need to change OR you can go to court and have this modified!
2006-08-18 12:06:48 · answer #8 · answered by just me 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
whew.... thats tough!
I suggest him seeing a counselor..he is obviously in an unhealthy enviroment over there....
Kids need discipline as well, if they dont get it now they wil be irresponsible adults and rebellious as well...keep training your child in the way he should go- let him know that he may get away with it at his daddys house but when he gets to your house that you have rules and he is going to follow them--make him stand in the corner and stand right there behind him with a flyswatter so everytime he tries to run you can swat him.. the key to this kid is consistency...dont make empty threats, do what you say you will do-even if you have to swat him again 5 seconds later-eventually he wil learn and he will also begin to respect you as a parent....
2006-08-18 11:12:45 · answer #9 · answered by Holla!!! 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should watch 'Super Nanny'
http://abc.go.com/primetime/supernanny/toptenrules.html
Her methods really do appear to work well.... And Lord knows how she restrains herself sometimes, but she never has to smack them!
A couple of weeks ago I saw a young mum at the Dr's office who was using her methods and her two children were well under her control.
2006-08-18 11:14:33 · answer #10 · answered by Jill 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋