me and my boyfriend has been going out for awhile now.. and I want to fxck him. but then a part of me says im not ready, well he doesnt understand that I Do want to have sex but not right now.. How can i explaine it to him?
2006-08-18 10:51:51 · 26 answers · asked by SweetiePie909 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You are not being straight with yourself. You may not agree with me but I think that sometimes in these situations your choice of language can be very important.
I think that the most confusing part of your communication is where you say, "I want to fxck him", because this statement is not strictly true.
I think that your true position is that you love good sex but only under the right circumstances. Or, you normally choose to decline an invitation for sex if the circumsances are not quite right.
Another thing that you need to be clear about is the answers to the question, "What circumstances are necessary to get you to a place where you feel very comfortable about the idea of having sex with your boyfriend?". Talk to your boyfriend about these things. Explain what is necessary and why it necessary and explain how everyone benefits when this necessity is taken care of. Make sure that your boyfriend understands your points of view and then listen to him, what he wants and why he wants it, the benefits of going along with his wishes to a large degree or to a small degree. Make sure that you understand his points of view.
Then both of you should come up with proposals about how to move forward in a way that you both feel comfortable with. If you reach an agreement then all is okay. Otherwise agreeing to a compromise might help. But no one should accept a compromise that does not work for them.
There is always a way forward. One of your proposals has got to stand out as a clear winner. Valid proposals include separation. Carry on as usual until someone thinks a change is necessary. Carry on as usual and review matters after a specified number of months. Pick one of the above proposals or pick another better one.
In summary, identify all needs (yours, his and maybe even other people). Then come up with positive, helpful and constructive ways of satisfying everyone's needs to a degree that everyone feels comfortable with. Then run with those proposals until the need for a review is provoked by circumstances or until one of you thinks it might be a good thing to make some changes.
Martin Camden.
2006-08-18 11:33:44 · answer #1 · answered by optimaxim 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you need to do is be perfectly honest with your boyfriend. First of all, it's great that you have decided to wait until you feel ready for it, and it's very noble of you to feel comfortable enough to talk with him about it. I think it's good you decided to hold off for the time being because in my opinion if it's difficult to talk about, you shouldn't be doing it.
Just let him know that you care a lot about him (i'm assuming you do), but you want to want until you are sure the time is right. Assure him that you know he really cares about you, and that you know he will understand. You will be amazed at how true that is.
2006-08-18 10:58:10 · answer #2 · answered by Marina 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just have to say it straught to his face your feelings. Just tell him that you really love him and you want to have sex with him but right now you are not ready and explain to him that your love hasen't change, you still love him and this has nothing to do with him, it's you who needs time. Tell him that if he loves you he can wait for the right time, for you to be ready because this has to be special. I wish you luck girl.
2006-08-18 10:59:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont' do anything you will regret later. Tell your boyfriend that you think it's not time for you to move to that step,. If he's really diggiing you he'll wait. Make sure you talk about birth control methods etc before hand.
2006-08-18 10:57:45 · answer #4 · answered by dazee052 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just wait, the worst thing is to regret it! Your first time should be VERY special! If he can't understand that, then he doesn't understand you!
2006-08-18 10:58:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Simply tell him that you are not ready and that if he cares/loves you, he would be willing to wait. Believe me when they really love you, they will wait. If he is not willing, he does not care/loves you.
2006-08-18 10:58:21 · answer #6 · answered by colleyshey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sex is no big deal. Wear a condom and be safe. Happy humping.
2006-08-18 10:55:33 · answer #7 · answered by soliberating 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if your having doubts your not ready trust me you will know when your ready and about your boy if he cant respect you he dosent care trust me respect your self and things will last longer
2006-08-18 10:57:48 · answer #8 · answered by crazy 4 somethin' real 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DONT LET SOME GUY PRESSURE YOU INTO IT IF YOU ARE NOT READY. TELL HIM AND IF HE DOESNT LIKE IT, FIND SOMEONE WILLING TO WAIT FOR YOU.
2006-08-18 10:57:44 · answer #9 · answered by BAG LADY 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't... Just tell him either yes or no; he has to listen. You don't need to "explain" yourself to anyone.
Maybe your parents can give you better advice.
2006-08-18 10:57:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋