Could you please send me a joke .....?

Question

The best joke gets 10 points !!!!

Answer 1

Dark were those days, without your sight. When I was in darkness,
you gave me light. You gave me strength 2 make life bright.
Thank you so much PHILIPS TUBELIGHT

Answer 2

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their *** to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna kick their asses!

5. When people say, while watching a film, "Did you see that?". No, Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya, Sunshine?

7. When something is "new and improved!"...Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, so it couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever experiences!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, Dumb-***?

Answer 3

If you don't like bush these are your jokes:

Bush, The Queen of England, And a Spanish Guy are in the desert. Bush has a car door. The Queen has a Bucket of Water, and the Spanish Guy has a box of food. After a couple miles they ask the spanish guy "Why do you have a box of food?" And he replies "so if we get hungry we can eat something". A couple more miles and they ask the queen "Why do you have a bucket of water?" and she replies "So if we get thirsty we can drink something." After 5 more miles they ask bush "Why do you have a cardoor?" And he replies, "so if we get hot we can roll down the window!"

One day Bush is in the oval office when suddenly his secretary says "A Brazillian died in Iraq today!" On his way to the press conference he wonders, "How many is a Brazillian?"

Answer 4

There was an old lady caught shoplifting a can of peaches and she had to go before a judge.The judge asked why did u steal the can of peaches? She said she was hungary. The judge asked how many did u eat? She said 6. So he sentenced her 6 days of jail time. Just as they were about to take her away her husband stood up and said she stole a can of peas too!

Answer 5

A major network is planning the show "Survivor 2" this winter. In response, Texas is planning "Survivor, Texas Style." The contestants will start in Dallas, travel through Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston, and down to Brownsville. They will proceed up to Del Rio, on to El Paso, then to Midland/Odessa, Lubbock, and Amarillo. From there, they proceed to Abilene, and on to Ft. Worth and back to Dallas.

Each will be driving a pink Volvo with a bumper sticker that reads, "I'm gay, I voted for Bush, and I'm here to confiscate your guns."

The first one to make it back to Dallas wins.

Answer 6

don't touch my daughter

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A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"
"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."
"Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.
Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young,beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy.
He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."

Answer 7

What does Monica Lewinsky have on her Resume?

"Sat on the Presidential Staff"

Answer 8

OK......

I just found out that SNAKES on a PLANE is a Movie! Hell,
I thought that it was a Documentary
about BUSH on AIR FORCE 1.

Answer 9

What's Green, Slimy, and smells like Pork?
Kermit's finger.

Answer 10

a man goes into the pub the barman goes i know you your my milkman the milkman says yes i am and i have had sex with every woman in your street except one the barman says wow for you tonight only all drinks on the house and when the bar shuts the barman goes to home to his wife and says tonight the milkman says hes had sex with every woman in our street except one and his wife says i bet its the miserable ***** on the end