Friend needs help! Serious answers please ...?

Question

My friend's mother in law is always breathing down my friend's neck regarding about her husband's 3 boys. She married him knowing it would be hard to raise 3 boys plus her son from previous relationship. Now they have a child together. Her husband decided to give his 3 boys to his ex to ease my friend's stress. Husband pays child support and plus the ex wife gets social security income for 3 boys (they're all deaf) ... Last week her mother in law went after her wanted to know why her grandsons weren't getting new clothes, new shoes and stuff for school and my friend said that it was the mother's problem since she has all the money. Now my friend has fell into depression as well as her husband, too, over all these problems. I really want to help her by giving her some feedbacks and everything from you guys who has gone through the same thing.

Thank you!

Answer 1

Note to all parents: When the your kids marry, BUTT OUT!! Any problems they have are THEIRS. You only need to report serious neglect or abuse! If you don't like the way the grandkiddies are dressed, buy them clothes!

Being a stepmom and Father, this is YOUR concern! Is the ex neglecting or mistreating the kids? Talk to the kids. Find out if it is happening. Report it if you have to and get the kids back if you have to. But realize if the custodial parent can't afford to do much for the kids, then that is how it is. You can be sure to give birthday/holiday presents of clothes if necessary to make up for it. Child support is not just giving money, it is also loving the kids regularly and supplying needs. Giving money is the base minimum that is required.. supplying needs is above and beyond money and something all loving parents do for their kids!

Maybe there is a way to tell your friends mother-in-law that she is attacking the problem in all the wrong ways. Your friend may have to just get in her face and ask if she has any bright ideas to fix the situation. She can tell Mom "you know what? I am equally unhappy about this and want to change it too, what do you think we can do?" Enlist her help when she tries to attack. actually ask the mom-in-law "What can you do on your end" and watch her shut up or get out of her way and let her try to fix it. (maybe she will. She might have a good idea, but you won't know unless you hear her). Make her your ally instead of seeing her as an enemy.. control HER before she controls you!

Answer 2

Sounds very messed up. If she married him knowing she would be raising his three children plus hers, then they should have never given them up to 'relieve' their stress. It does sound like the kids were abandoned. A new kid on the way, so let's just find a way to get rid of the others and focus on the new baby.

If the kids are being neglected by their mother, then she should feel guilty - both her and her husband should feel guilty. A child is a responsibility not something to be passed on to someone else because you decide you can't handle it.

Knowing the judicial system as I do, it seems that if the courts let the father have custody in the first place they felt she was an unfit mother. Very rarely do fathers win custody.

Perhaps the children should have been put first rather than looked upon as a disposable commodity.

Answer 3

I feel sorry for your friend - that is a huge pressure from an older woman, even though she is thinking of someone's children. And of course a woman of that generation expects the wife to organise everything for everyone.

But remember that they are a couple, they are doing their best and you shouldn't take on too much of their worries. It might be enough that your friend can vent to you about her m-in-law, you don't have to solve her problems - already they might all have found other practical ways of coping with their family.

There is no way that you can ring their school and ask about grants for clothing for the new school year, is there now? You can offer to drive your friend to her doctor for her depression, but you know she is going to have to get a bit angry & assertive & sort out her own problems. It's terrific that you listen & are a good friend, but you cannot live her life for her. And you haven't caused any of these problems, have you? Step back a little, for your own good.

Answer 4

i does not worry approximately it, If she desires to be mean then enable her. it relatively is no longer your subject & you nevertheless have your different associates. you will desire to get your buddy's jointly and function a calming time infront of her face so possibly she would be able to come again crawling returned. stop apologizing too, you have accomplished adequate on your area to attempt to be associates returned. clarify it on your mom or dad before she gets to them approximately what you have been "doing", even nevertheless i comprehend you haven't any longer accomplished something incorrect in any respect. purely forget approximately approximately her. with the aid of the way, i admire your avatar as your image ; D

Answer 5

THAT'S CALLED "HARRASSMENT" WHAT THE MOTHER-IN-LAW IS DOING. THEY CAN PUT A RESTRAINING ORDER ON HER. SHE WILL NOT BE ABLE TO CALL OR GO TO THEIR HOUSE WITHOUT GETTING IN TROUBLE.WRITE HER A LETTER AND TELL HER STRAIGHT OUT TO LEAVE THEM BOTH ALONE. THEY ARE NOT CHILDREN ANYMORE, DON'T LET HER TREAT THEM LIKE CHILDREN. IT'S NOT POLITE TO DISRESPECT YOUR ELDERS, BUT SHE LOST ALL HER RIGHTS AS AN ELDER WHEN SHE STARTED GETTING IN THEIR FACE, IT'S NONE OF HER BUSINESS. TELL YOUR FRIENDS TO STAND UP AND DEFEND THEMSELVES. SHE CANNOT HIT THEM OR MAKE THEM DO ANYTHING THEY DON'T HAVE TO. CALL THE POLICE, THREATEN TO TURN HER IN IF SHE DOESN'T STOP HER MEDDELING. IF SHE CALLS HER HOUSE JUST HANG UP. IF SHE GOES TO HER HOUSE, LOCK THE DOORS. TELL YOUR FRIENDS TO TALK TO A PRIEST FOR COMFORT AND PEACE OF MIND.