I adopted my grandson in 2003. How do I get help him as he is getting older knowing that he is adopted?.?

Question

My youngest girl is only 10 yr old and calls him her brother and even my 18 yr old daughter says that. But my 20 yr old daughter refuses to let him call her his sister. I have found it easier to let him call me Mom when he started pre-school last year. He is the child of my son, who is very sick and was unable to care for him. My adopted grandson--my youngest so knows that I adopted him and that he was in another woman's belly. Just curious if there are any others that maybe in my situation or have some good advice. I want to be truthful with him and not make this a huge mess for him. He is deeply loved by myself and husband as well as our other children. It is just hard at times because he is my biological grandchild. I know this is quite common nowadays.

He has known that I adopted him since before he could talk. I tell him all the time. He told his pre-school teacher that his Mom adopted him when he was a baby and that he used to call me Grandma. My son is his father and is very sick and that is why I adopted him.....my son is very active in his life and the little guy even calls him Dad. I have been very truthful with him and will continue to go so but now that he is getting older and in school it is a bit tough for him. I do explain to his teacher that on paper he has a brother but if that person were to pick him up he will say that it is his father. My main issue is though it all seems normal to him I don't want him to come home in tears from something that a kid said and not know how to handle it. I know that being honest is always the best way and that is how I have raised my other 4 children and how I am with my 2 yr old granddaughter.

Answer 1

i would sit him down and tell him though out the years add little more each time. start with i love you sweet heart but you were adopted... you can call me mom or mommy but i am really your grandma. tell him this though out the years ween he get about 6 or 7 tell him his dad real sick so you took him and you love him like he is you own but he was adopted and you think he needs to know this he can call you mom, mother. mommy or grandma you dont mind anything he calls you because you love him so much. my friend grandma took her in ween she was young and she knows she was adoped she has no problem with it she 21 now and has look up her mom and dad sucks and is so sad story i dont want to get into much of it but he grandma started telling her young. her mom told he allot had 3 kids and she wasn't one of them.
Answer any qustions he may have about this truefuly

she steal to this day call her grandma and granddaddy mom and pop's

i cought you update i would tell him to tell kids hey yeah i am adopted but you know what i was adoped but my grandmother who loves me very much and to me i think that all he need to say.

i think it an alsome thing your doing and your and truely woundful person. i wish you luck and all the best. i would do the same if i was ever in you shoes.

Answer 2

I think it's important to be honest with him. I think the fact that you are his grandparents makes it a lot easier. He should know who his father is and that he's sick, it's not that he doesn't want him. Assuming the mother is completely out of the picture, I see no reason why he can't call you Mom. However, he needs to be clear that you are also his grandmother, which is a very important title in itself. You may run into some awkward moments, though if you're out with his father and he calls him Dad and you Mom and then calls Grampa Dad too. In the end what's going to really matter most is that deep love you guys have for him, that's what he will cherish above all.

Answer 3

Just always be honest with him. he won't "get it" for a while and either will the other kids. It takes a while for kids to figure out how ppl are related and such. Just tell him how special he is that he has extra "parents" that love him so much. Is his bio mom dead? If she is then tell him how much she loved him too. The definition of the word family has changed quite a bit in the last few decades. I didn't know my bio dad at all and all I herd was bad stories of him and how he abandoned me, that sure didn't make me feel good about myself. Unfortunately my ex husband abandoned our child so when I remarried my hubby adopted him. We tell him frequently that he had another dad and that his daddy (adopted one) loves him so much he picked to be his dad and that is special! At 4yrs he asked me why his other "dad" didn't want him... i just told him some ppl aren't ready to be dad's and that sufficed for the moment. Just try short not so in depth answers since he is so young and if he wants more then add a lil more till he is satisfied for the time being.

Answer 4

hey hun...i have never been in this situation but i would like to say a few things if you would care to read them....if he is showing intrest in his adoption situation, the one thing that would really help you to answer him is let him ask the questions....and you can take it from there...since he is still rather young then the answers should be short and sweet untill he gets older and his questions mature more...in any case and how ever many times this subject gets brought up between the two of you, just let him know that no matter what you love him unconditonally and will always be there for him...im not sure what the situation is about his biological parents but if he does decide to try and talk to them when he gets older i do ( from family expirence) know that it's best to try and give it a chance....i know raising kids is never easy and you and your husband should be givin' a big hug and pat on the back for it....may God bless you and your family....love daisy

Answer 5

i was adopted by my grandparents, and i call them mom and day. my biological dad died when i was 3 and my biological mom died just last year. My Grandmom always told me that i was a child of her heart, not her body. and we talked about it often. there are books out there on the childrens level of comprehension, as this may be a good idea. Also it is real nice that the father, eventhough he is sick, still participates in the childs life. you have a wonderful family it sounds like, and keep up the good work. all children need the truth, as it is the only path to as trusting adulthood. Once again good job!

Answer 6

You should tell him as soon as possible. I was adopted (not by a relative) and was told about being adopted even before I really knew what it was. It's always been a very natural thing to me. Why not tell you grandson that his father loves him so much that he wanted to make sure he would be taken good care of. And who would love him more than his grandparents? That concept is easy for a child to grasp.

Answer 7

I adopted my sisters daughter.She knows she is adopted and my sister is her mom.She knows that her biological mom cant take care of her.I let her call her mom, mom and she calls me mom.I dont try to take away anything from her.If she has a question, we tell her the truth.She is loved by all of us and the only thing that changed was Im the one who cares for her.I cant begin to understand why your 20 year old is so cruel.I would sit her down and tell her that this child didnt choose this situation and grow up.My children call my daughter sister and are so very protective of her,even more that me.

Answer 8

Just don't mention it to him unless he brings up the subject. I was adopted from China when I was 4 months old, but I can't remember how I found out. Some people who where adopted are offended by the fact and some people are not, like me. Usually people who are offended are the people who knew their parents. I hope I helped

Answer 9

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Answer 10

First thing, be honest with him, he'll appreciate that more later in life, tell him he's adopted, you should have already told him yesterday that fact. Talk about it to him and around him, let him get accustom to hearing it, he'll love you for it. When he ask about his parents tell him the truth, he'll love you even more. Honesty is always the best policy regarding adoption.