advice on stopping breast feeding please?

Question

my daughter is 2.5 an i'm still breastfeeding i have managed to cut out feeds during the day but i can't get her to go 2 bed on a nite without it! i have taken advice from the health visitor and she says do controlled crying which i have and it breaks my heart to see her get soooo upset. if she does fall asleep without (which isnt very often) she has a really unsettled night! sge also so wakes up in a night asking for ''milkys'' if i don't give in to her she really screams the house down a pulls on me i feel she is too old for it now and would love some good advice plz! has anyone else had this problem and how did u do it.

she does have cows milks she likes it! i think its just a comfort thing with her!

i also have a problem that when i do try to leave her to cry she goes for hours and next door complain and last time they blasted there music out at 4am in the morning

Answer 1

That last feed's the hardest to drop, that's for sure! It's a comfort thing, she's tired and wants her trusty breast (my daughter was the same).

The only think I can suggest is to try and instigate a new routine that doesn't involve you getting your busters out :-) Try a warm bath, a warm milk, and maybe a story. Then you could either try a kiss goodnight and go, or snuggle up and pretend to go to sleep with her. I noticed with my daughter that she liked the feeling that I was still there, and it meant I could grab a 30 minute catnap (I'd put my phone alarm on silent vibrate in my pocket). Once your breathing slows down, I'm pretty sure hers will too and she then won't fail to nod off. Turn out the light so she isn't distracted looking round the room (I leave our landing light on).

My mum's no-fail trick is to stroke the forehead, just above the eyebrow and round to the temple. This knocks out both my daughter and my 26 year-old sister, even now!

Failing all this, some nice soothing (maybe classical) music will work wonders, just in the background. I recommend the Daily Mail's free CD 'Country Classics', it's got Moonlight Sonata and all the slowies on it :-)

I agree with contacting LLL, they are great :-) There'll be a number in the phone book....

Good luck, and good on you for breastfeeding for so long :-) Ignore the bigot above me, you've done what's best for your baby :-)

Answer 2

I agree with those who say there is nothing at all wrong with nursing a child until they are 2.5 or older. That is well within the biological norm, so rest assured that you are not doing anything "wrong". All children will eventually grow out of thier need to nurse, even if they are not encouraged or forced to wean.

However, it does sound like you are ready to wean her. That's fine too. It's wonderful that you have given her 2.5 years! Give yourself a pat on the back; you deserve it.

I'm sorry things are so stressful for you right now. Your HV telling you to just let her cry, your neighbours getting angry, it's just not going well, is it? I believe there are more gentle ways to wean a child than just letting them cry themselves to sleep. At 2.5 this likely won't actually hurt her, but it's making you and your neighbours miserable as well, so no one's happy!

Please don't resort to offering bottles or sippies of milk or juice. If anything, water in a sippy might help and won't rot her teeth. She probably would very much enjoy cuddling with you, maybe rocking.

You could try explaining to her that you feel it's time for the milkys to go away. Pick a time when she is well rested and not hungry. You may be surprised how much she understands.

The best of luck to you and your daughter. I hope this won't be such a terribly stressful time for the both of you, but that you will find some acceptable solution that works for both of you.

Answer 3

try to start a new bedtime routine. Maybe some breast milk in a "Brand new special big girl cup" and even a new bed time pal that she goes and picks out. make a special day out of it. then slowly go 1/2 and 1/2 with milk and breast milk until it is all milk. It is hard to hear her cry, but it only take a few days and it will be better, try this on a Friday night if you work so you can nap during the day if it is a long night. Tell yourself it is for her own, good which it really is. Persistence is the key. Hang tough and you will get through it. I have a 19 year old, a 9 year old and a 2 year old and I had to go through stuff times like this with all of them from bottle,to pacifier, to their own new big bed. It is all worth it in the end. Remember to make it all big and special. Good luck!

Answer 4

Why are you afraid of letting her cry? It won't hurt her to cry and have a tantrum. I know it's hard to listen to a child cry, but sometimes it is the only thing to do. I did breastfeed my children but medical circumstances lead me to ween them at 7 months. I did however have a similar issue with my now 3 year old daughter who always has been a co-sleeper.
She never would sleep alone, even as an infant she would wake up just to see if a parent was there and if we weren't she would scream. When I became pregnant with me second baby Ro was 2. I knew that we simply could not fit 2 kids and 2 parents into 1 bed comfortably so I set out to get Ro into her own bed. We of course did the big girl bed route and let her pick out her bedding. We hoped this would get her excited but of course it didn't work. We tried a few other things like trying to ease her into it (let her fall asleep with us and then move her) but nothing worked. In the end we had to let her cry it out. It wasn't nearly as impossible as it at first seemed. Yes we lost some sleep (I would suggest that you cut her off on a non work/ school night), but the second night wasn't bad at all.
The thing is children adapt very easily, even when it is a major change in routine (Both situations really are only that. We were Ro's crutch and your breast is your child's). I would explain to her in child terms that mommy isn't going to give her milky anymore, because it's for babies and she is a big girl now. Then offer her an alternative.
Maybe you could pump and let her drink from a cup for a while and then replace it with another drink when you run out.
I'm sure the first night will seem like it lasts forever but by night 2 she will be too exhausted to put up as much of a fight. On night 2 she will also know that mommy isn't going to give in and this will also give her less of a reason to cry. By night 3 everything should be much easier, because she will have established a new routine.

Answer 5

The health visitor doesn't live in your house. If "controlled crying" (what the heck is that? what's "controlled" about it? I'm thinking it feels like "out of control crying" instead) isn't working for you, then stop it. Really...this person doesn't really know you or your child and isn't the one there living it.

Is there a particular reason that you are wanting to wean her? I wanted to make sure you aren't feeling pressure from anyone else because it's still very normal and healthy for her to be nursing at this age. Obviously she's not too old for it or she would have outgrown it herself. :-) But nursing is a relationship between 2 people, so if it isn't working to you anymore maybe you need to find a way to change things so that it does. Sometimes that means compromises on the part of one or both people.

Do you have a bedtime routine? Is Dad involved in helping to get her to bed? Can you set up a routine with bath and storytime with dad and then you nurse...but not all the way to sleep, just until she is drowsy. Then dad takes her with a sippy of water and they lay down together to fall asleep. She may cry, but Dad will be there to comfort her so she is NOT crying it out on her own. Then you can gradually shorten the amount of time that you are nursing before bed until the nursing session eventually disappears.

Others I have known have had good luck with the "Nursing fairy" appearing and leaving a gift for the child in order to get them to wean. Talk up the fairy's arrival ahead of time and maybe make a paper chain to count down the days together.

Answer 6

Your daughter isn't nursing for the milk anymore, she is doing it for the comfort. The best thing I can tell you to do is what I did to get Maya to stop nursing to sleep.

Instead of nursing her, hold her in the same position as nursing, with your shirt and a bra on. when she tries to lift the shirt up or pull it down, just say 'no' and take her hand away. You have to do it over and over and over at first.

Then, when she starts crying just hold her, rock her or shush her till she calms down. If she really starts going, then put her down and leave the room for a few minutes. Come back (preferable when she has calmed down a little, but sometimes they just keep going) and ask her if she would like to snuggle to go to sleep now.

When she screams 'milkys' say, no, it's cuddles or bed, then pick her up and do it again. If and only if you never give in and keep repeating this, she will get it. But, if you give in just one time for a second, you have to start all over and it will be even harder next time, so make sure that you are ready to go through the hell for a couple of nights (preferably when your neighbors are out of town or something)

Soon enough she will be asking for snuggles at bedtime instead of milkys.

Answer 7

One thing I advise is to not give her anything at bed time. I never did that and I am glad I didnt. Give her water or 1% milk in a cup "before bed" and tell her milkys are all dry That there is no milky in there Maybe she will get it at 2 1/2 yrs.. As far as her screaming, she is winning that battle over you and you need to be firm and let her scream or cry it out. It wont take too long before she gives up. Maybe hours for a few days but... A few days of that is better than many years or worse. Maybe get her a new stuffed animal to sleep with as it sounds like a comfort thing more than being hungry.Good Luck and just do it.
Also, maybe talk to your neighbors that turn up the music and explain to them what you are trying to do with your daughter and apologize for it being so loud so maybe they will cooperate and put up with the crying screaming for a few days and not turn up the music in retaliation. Good Luck! Hope this helped! :)

Answer 8

I have been through this twice and it is so hard, there is no 'best' answer. Wiserangel is right about 'La Leche League' they are an excellent support group. Controlled crying is definitely something you will have to perservere with, whilst doing it you should go in about every 5 mins to calm her down for the first 20 mins, then make it every 10 mins, then 15 mins etc, it does work you just need to stick at it for a while (explain to your neighbours, if they have kids they'll understand). Something you must do straight away is to get your daughter used to hearing "NO", when she goes to find booby move her hands away and say NO. It really is hard work but stick with it and hopefully within a couple of weeks things should be a lot better. One other thing, PLEASE do not give your daughter chocolate milk or other treats as someone else suggested, its bad for her and will encourage her to believe she can get rewards for being naughty or crying loud enough. Best of luck, hope it works out soon.

Answer 9

Although I'm not faced with this problem. Here is my suggestion.

Express your milk and give it to your daughter in a sippy cup before she goes to bed. Explain that it is the same milk from mommy but she is a big girl now and needs to drink from a cup before bed. If it helps have her present when you express the milk, then as she accepts this concept do it when she is not around. After a little while start adding cow, goat or another milk to the expressed milk. First start with the majority of expressed milk and a little of the other, do that for a few weeks, if she does not notice a change then start to decrease the amount of expressed milk and increase the other milk until one day she is having a glass of alternative milk before bed.

Good Luck

Answer 10

At that same age, I wanted my daughter to stop taking a bottle to bed. It was hard for a couple of nights, but she did do it. There was some crying. I did have a talk with her every night about being a big girl and how giving up the bottle was the first step. It did sink in.