Man trouble?

Question

A good friend, a married man, several years your senior, from your church. Then, he starts to tell you how lovely you are, sometimes quite suggestive in a low key way etc. Outwardly he's blustery, but really quite sensitive underneath. You know it's not right they way he talks to you, and the way it makes you feel, but what do you say? What if it's just talk? What if you really want to keep him as the good friend he is? Do I need to add more info? Help!

Answer 1

Stay away from this guy unless you want trouble in your own life.

Answer 2

The key phrase here - for me - was 'the way it makes you feel...' (ie the way it makes ME feel). I am guessing that part of you would like to take this further. Obviously you are aware of the painful fall out that would ensue were you to act upon your feelings. At the moment the situation is 'beneath the surface' which makes it difficult to confront it head on. However I would suggest that you take the initiative and burst his bubble now before he puts you on the spot at some stage. Tell him you wouldn't dream of getting involved with him as anything more than as a good friend.

He has been so low key about things that he may use this fact to deny that he ever had any such thoughts at all. In that case you may suffer some embarrasment, but deep down your own intuition has told you what he is really up to, so why worry about a little embarrasment? It isn't an easy thing to do but much depends on how you phrase what you say to him. For example you could say it hypothetically 'I may be way off base here and I'm sorry if I am because you are a good friend and I would like it to stay that way, but I sometimes get the feeling that you are trying to seduce me...'

The alternative is to carry on as you are with all of his low key innuendo continuing to upset your equilibrium.

Do you have any romantic interest in your own life? Could it be that you are looking/hoping for a romantic interest and this is something that he has picked up on? Think about it. I am sure you will do what is right for you and everybody concerned in the end. Good luck

Answer 3

A good friend will never lead you to do the wrong thing. Hence if this married man is talking to you that way, and because of your words you know it is not correct, then he is not your real friend and therefore you should have no regret to stop any communication with him.

If you do not do it, maybe too late you will find that this thing will not stop in just talking. And even if it were only talking, that kind of talking from a married man is not right and less in a church.

If you and he believe in Christ remember that it is written that God examines the heart, he knows every thought. Likewise Christ said that if a man sees a woman to lust in his heart he has already committed adultery.

Therefore, even if it is only talking he may have something incorrect in his heart for you and that is adultery, because a woman different to his wife is in his heart.

Remember also that it is written do not take part in other people's sins. If you try to keep him "as a good friend" and remain there, you will be a temptation to him. Hence, if you want to be a good friend to him don't let this thing to go ahead or you will lead him to stumble and you will also fall.

Guard your heart. Don't be humanistic. Stand for God.

Answer 4

He's probably sexually frustrated after years of marriage.

I saw some research recently which showed that men's libido stays pretty constant throughout married life, whereas most women are happy to never have sex again after the first couple of years, as long as there is still intimacy, hugs and cuddles etc.

So you have the woman who isn't interested in sex any more and the man who still is. Remember as men grow older they become more self-confident and get higher status as well. And people wonder why older men are unfaithful!

You say it's not right the way it makes you feel - but you don't say whether it makes you feel good or bad.

If it makes you feel bad then I suggest you simply tell him that it makes you feel unhappy when he compliments you because he is a married man. He doesn't see himself as a lecherous old man, he just thinks it is a bit of harmless fun. So you need to change his understanding of the situation.

However, if his attention makes you feel good then I suggest you still tell him it makes you feel unhappy when he compliments you because he is a married man, but you then need to get a boyfriend/partner from off one of the more respectable internet dating sites who can indulge you in romance properly and sincerely. Alternatively you could go along with his advances but after some cheap thrills it would all end in tears.

All the best

Answer 5

Drop him fast. He's married. He's supposedly a Christian man, and he's coming on to you - a girl several years younger - - - - at best, he's a liar and an unfaithful one.
If he's acting this way with you and he's married, how would he treat you if the relationship progresses? Unfaithful men DON'T change.
You need to put space between you now, before something more serious happens. (And these men don't carry condoms) And, you need to think about how many other younger (more impressionable) girls he's pulled this on - and may still be involved with.
He's a predator. Get out. Change churches if you need to in order to NOT be around him.

Answer 6

Well, first, don't sugar coat it. Tell him you apologize if you are taking things wrong, that you value his friendship. Then just tell him outright that his manner seems suggestive (to you) of wrongdoing and you'd appreciate it if he'd tone it down, because you are committed to the Lord and you are not about to let immoral temptations get you off track. Ask him for a promise to never be immoral with you.

And if that doesn't work, follow the plan Jesus gave for dealing with it. Start in private. If that doesn't resolve it, next take a couple of reliable witnesses. If that doesn't get it, next take it to the church. Keep in mind saving him from a sin that has mastered him is more important than befriending him.

It's about love; the Love of Christ.

Be prepared for it to be pointed out that you might also be off track about how you are taking things. That's okay, too. Just fix it if it seems true.

Answer 7

u need to pray.
ask god to give u his divine words to speak to this man. friend is a friend. but there's a line to be drawn.
if it makes u feel uncomfortable in any way, then u need to pray, ask for god's words to speak to this man. there are such things as wolves in sheeps clothing.
if he was such a good friend, he''ll respect your opinion & he'll take what you tell him to heart.
actions speak louder then words. talk to him 1x. if that doesn't stop him, then sorry to say let him know that you'll bring this up to a higher level. if u don't put a stop to it, it's partly your fault. fear's not from god. he won't stop this type of behaviour b/cuz he's under the impression that it's ok w/u when it's not ok.
let him know then since he's married, if it doesn't stop, you'll speak to his wife. don't worry how he'll handle it. stop this type of talk b/4 it's too late. honestly, it's wrong. good friend or not. even if it's just talk, it's very in-appropriate. that's not godly either.
even if it's innocent, if u feel uncomfortable then there's a reason. take heed to the lord. put a stop to it now........
pray 1st, then approach him , see what happens & hopefully he'll get the hint & stop.
if not, sorry to say but u'll need to have the pastor or someone else speak with him. the last thing u'll need is to have problems w/his wife. but let him know, you'll talk to her. if not, the pastor of the church. keep praying for this man, only god knows his heart.....good luck
do what's right, & what god wants u 2 do.

Answer 8

You certainly do need help. Men and women cannot be just friends. If he is suppestive and older and coming on to you.
Most married men have affairs. Doesn't mean you will ever have him. JUst means he wants to use you for sex. If you get pregnant he says, "What I never touched that women"
Then he hates you for getting him in trouble. Oldest story in the book this place is full of pregnant girls with the same story.
Well, everyone was using her she is just a ****.
Now she is trying to get me in trouble???
What a *****. He will turn on you in a milasecond.
You will wonder why you ever thought you liked him.
they way he makes you feel one girl says after he uses you is like a piece of garbage. don't do it. Tell him up front, your on to him and you not falling for it. Then he will move on to the next victum.

Answer 9

He's obviously attracted to you and wants you to know it, which means he wants in your pants. That's the way the male mind works. Odds are the only reason he befriended you in the first place was because he wants you.

There's no way you can stay 'just friends'. He'll keep pestering you until you start sleeping with him or flat out reject him. Either way, the freindship is over.

Answer 10

O.k., I think you need to let him know that you are not interested in him as a lover because he is married and you respect his marriage and that he should respect his marriage as well.

If he persists in his advances, you may want to go talk to the pastor discreetly and to the man's wife discreetly and tell him that you will do so if he does not stop with his inappropriate advances, maybe he will get the point then.

Answer 11

"a married man" is key , why do you even bother going to church if you could even THINK of a married man , your dont even belong there , theres no question in that you should leave him be, dont respond and tell your preist if you think you can if not dont speak to him anymore , hes marrired remeber you shouldnt even be his friend knowing hes got feelings for you , you should tell his WIFE , before you ruin a perfectly good marrage you sicko , ignore and stay away from him , in the name of the lord