i just found out that i am pregnant like 20 min ago & i am really scared...? im about 4 weeks or so?

Question

im 21, this will be my 3rd pregnancy (none went to term), i aborted both of my past pregnancies, and deep down my heart is telling me to keep this one. i cant put my emotions & body thru another abortion...but i am really worried what the father will say & do...or not do... the last abortion i had he was the father and told me that he did not want that child, and i couldnt have a baby with someone that said they didnt want a baby, or that they didnt want to be a part of the childs life, i could not bring another unwanted baby into this world so i had the adortion. we have been together 2 years, and im almost to the point where i dont care what he says, but i am so scared, i dont knwo what to do...then my mind keeps telling me that once again i cant bring another unwanted baby into this world... i havent told him yet im scared as to what he will say... i feel happy but i dont want to raise a baby all on my own... i have a steady job, but $$ does not raise a child, two loving parents do

please dont judge me based on my previous abortions.... kind words and advice is what i really need!!!!!

i dont want to be one of those single mothers stuck in an entry level job and struggeling to make ends meet for the rest of my life but i could never put a baby up for adoption, my father was put up when he was 4 years old, and i saw 1st hand all the problems that caused him...and plus for me as a woman if i carry that child in my body for 9months then i could never ever cut off a bond like that...

the reason i had the 1st abortion was that i was with an abusive man, i could NOT have a child get hit the way he hit me, there were no ifs ands or buts about it, i left him as soon as i found out that i was pregnant...a reality check i suppose...and i am scared as to the toll my past abortions had or will have on my body... it is scary to think about it..

i know i asked this already in the pregnancy section, but i really need all of the advice that i can get

Answer 1

If he doesn't want to be in the child's life, count your blessings and move on! Eventually you will realize that your love for your child is more important than ANY man, especially if that man doesn't even want the child. If possible, stay with family during the pregnancy. My mom raised three beautiful girls on her own. It doesn't just take a mom and a dad, it takes a village to raise a child. You DO NOT have to have a father in the picture to be raised a strong, independent, confident adult...You don't need him, girl, take your fetus and leave! Good luck to you, darling.

Answer 2

My advice to you is this:
You need to sit down and have a good long talk with yourself and make this decision before you tell the father. There are questions you need to ask yourself. Can I put myself through this again? How will feel for the rest of my life if I do this again? What toll will a 3rd abortion take on my body? What if I want to have children someday and I can't because I've had 3 abortions? These are all things you really need to consider. Also, while money is only part of raising a child and love is the other part, don't discount the fact that love doesn't always come from biology. Speaking as a person who's biological father rejected my brother and myself, I can honestly say that the only time I missed out on having a father, I was too young to remember it. My mother re-married when I was 4 and I ended up with the best father a kid could ask for. I'm not saying to go searching for a "baby-daddy", I'm just saying that you shouldn't make this decision based solely on the situation your mind is stuck in at this current juncture in time. Broaden your perspective and realize that it's not just your life you're dealing with. Also, have faith in yourself and your ability to be strong when things get tough. Sure, some women end up being single welfare mama's, but there are also women in your situation who have the baby, get government assistance to go back to school, end up with wonderful careers and once they're established and are able to be a sole provider, they're happy and more likely to find the perfect father and husband. Don't let your boyfriend dictate your life, I'd venture to say that after the last abortion, if he didn't want to have kids, he should have been more persistant about birth control. However, since he was not, then he needs to be held just as accountable as you will be. It seems to me that you probably would be better off without him. My children are the loves of my life. If you abort this child because he says so, you could be missing out on the love of your life, and chances are that you'll resent him for it later and the relationship won't last long anyways. Just do yourself a favor and don't make him a factor, it's YOUR body, and YOUR decision.

Answer 3

You keep saying that you don't want to bring an unwanted child into this world. Well are you saying that because the father doesn't want it or because you don't want it. If you don't want this child then you shouldn't have it. If you do want the child then have it a forget what the father wants. Also may I suggest that if you do have the baby then once it is born please get on birth control and if you have the abortion then please get on birth control. You said it yourself that this is your third pregnancy so obviously you are sexually active and if you are going to be sexually active and do not want a child to result in this then go to your doctor and if you don't have a doctor or cant afford a doctor then go to your local health department. They give out birth control for free. Please be responsible. Also it seems like you have been using abortions as a form of birth control and that is not right. I am pro choice but I o not believe that it should be used as a form of birth control. I am not being mean when I say this but if you think that you are responsible enough to have sex then be responsible enough to use protection or raise a baby. GOOD LUCK.

Answer 4

I constantly hear people worrying about bringing another child into this world. How are we ever going to solve our problems if we don't get new people to do it. God knows us old farts can't figure it out, you're baby may be the one we need.

I'm a father of three and I would give anything to go thru the experience of carrying a child. Nothing any man has ever done in the history of the world can rival the simple miracle of having a baby, something which just about any woman is capable. That's why men have always subjegated women, because they know men are inferior.

I don't want to tell you what to do but if i was forced to, I would say keep the baby and raise him to be the best person you know how. Pregnancy is hard, probably the hardest thing you will ever do but nothing worthwhile is ever easy. I know you're scared but the first time you look your new son or daughter in the eys, you will know it was worth it.

Good luck, I know you'll do the right thing.

Answer 5

Well you seem to have gotten yourself into a bit of a situation. I don't think that 20 is too young to be pregnant, but I also think it is old enough to figure out how to use birth control. I can understand 1 or 2 mistakes, but at some point you have to be accountable for your actions.
OK having said all of that, you do have have other options rather than abortion. There is always adoption. Your boyfriend has lots of time to change his mind about the baby. Every unwed (and sometimes married) woman has to be prepared to go this alone.
You don't sound to me like you want to be a mother at this time, so I would suggest adoption this time around. Too many abortions could damage your insides and you may not be able to have a baby when and if you finally decide that you want to.

Answer 6

i also had my first abortion 3 months ago. ever since then i was so scared to have sex. i always use condoms, that is until i start my birth control. even when using condoms with spermicide lubricant, i am very nervous. every month i think i am pregnant again. i could not imagine going back to another abortion clinic. it would be so embarassing. i would feel so ashamed. you already had 2 abortions. you are 21 years old, i think maybe you should consider keeping the baby.i mean you can always collect child support from your boyfriend. but, if he loved you he would respect your decision if you decided to keep the baby. if he didn't want a baby then maybe he should have been more cautious when it came to unprotected sex. do you have a parent or family that would support you emotionally?? because it is a little difficult to do this on your own. this was what i was afraid of when i got pregnant. i want to be married when i have my first baby. i want someone who wants to be with me and raise our kids together. so, in your situation its kind of hard. i mean i wouldnt want to go back for a 3rd abortion. but, i do know someone who had 3 abortions. it did not affect her fertility. i really don't want to tell you to get another abortion. but i think you should follow your heart and decide for yourself. dont think about what your boyfriend wants. i have a twin sister who is 20 years old and she raised her daughter on her own. although my mom helped her out alot with babysitting while she works etc....
also, because you are only 4 weeks pregnant, you could take the abortion pill. you have to be under 7 weeks thoough. so that way if you decided to have an abortion you could be at home.
sorry i dont have a straight answer......all i can say is follow your heart you will make the right decision. if you need someone to talk to you can email me @ [e-mail]
although i only will be online until 4:15 today and wont be back until monday 7:30am
GOOD LUCK. BEST WISHES TO YOU

Answer 7

You need to tell the father, but don't let his oppinion sway your actions. This is your body we're talking about that would have to go through yet another abortion, and no man has the right to tell a woman to go through that.

He might surprise you; he might actually be happy to be a dad. If not, you certainly could raise this child without him or with someone else. Many single moms are great moms.

I think you need to find someone in real life to talk to who won't judge you but will help you understand all your options here. Would your own mom help you and support you in this? Or a sister or a cousin or a close friend?

I hope you find the right course of action for you. It really doesn't sound like you want to go through anothre abortion; you know that road. You've been down it already and you dind't like it. I know the unknown is scary, but trust me when I say that having a baby isn't really all that bad (I have a 16 mo and am currently 13 weeks pregnant with my second). Yes, it's scary. Yes, it's hard. But it's so worth it.

Answer 8

Okay this is the deal. You do what your heart tells you to do. I understnad that in the past you have not been in the situation to raise a child but if that was the case and I am not trying to lecture you but you guys should have been more cautious. It does not take two parents to raise a child although it is ideal to do it that way. WIC will help you with formula and all kinds of things so you can make it work if you really want to. Emotionally I would not recommend that you abort cause not only is it going to eat at you everytime you look in the mirror but you will not be the same and it will ruin you two. Have the baby and find ways to care for it you have already had two chances and this could be one of your last chances. I am just saying I know how hard it is and that you really need to think about it and talk to him. Email me if you want a shoulder to cry on............................

Answer 9

First, tell your family and ask them for help. Being a single parent doesn't mean a dead end job that barely pays the bills. I have a friend with a 4 and 1 year old that is now going through a divorce. She found a job that starts at $11 an hour and has her family helping with babysitting. The only thing you need to ask yourself is do you want this child? It sounds like you are tired of abortions and the toll its taken on your mental well being. Don't give the guys in your life power over you. Its your life, your child, your choice.

Answer 10

Now it's funny that you have not said anything about your parents and what they will think, you seem more worried about your boyfriend more than anything which I understand, however this is your body and your decision. You should have been more careful but that is the least of your worries now. Unfortunately no one can tell you what to do when it comes to keeping the child you have to evaluate your situation to determine which decision is best for you and your child. And I would suggest that you do it without influence from anyone first, then if you talk to anyone talk to your parents or someone in your authority who you respect, and can count on. There are a lot of single mothers in this world that have raised their children successfully without a father. And further more you guys have been together a very long time, talk to him, if he can have sex with you he can help you take care of your baby. And if he doesn't you make him pay with child support. I'm kinda in a similar situation, I am 22 and 8 weeks pregnant so I take your situation very seriously. If you would like to talk to me some more I can be reached at [e-mail].

Answer 11

i'm sorry, i know you look for kind words of advice, but maybe it's time you heard the harsh truth. you're actions up until now have been irresponsible and you need to come to grips w/ that and live up to your responsibilities and fix your mistakes. this does not mean having another abortion. if you are a healthy, able bodied adult w/ a job, there is no reason why you should be able to raise this child. this type of mistake i understand can happen once, but THREE times. you are way to old to not understand the importance of birth control. besides the fact that each time you have an abortion, you damage your uterus increasing your chances of ever being to have planned children, which is something you should reconsider if you do want to have children someday. bottom line, my advice: 1)grow up 2)be responsible and use condoms, the pill or better yet, get your tubes tied 3) raise your child