He is old, has diabetes, but is very independent. He has all self made issues on not joining his children...for e.g. he feels he is happier wherever he is, who will take care of his business, what if the daughters in law and his son disrespect him..what if ..... there are so many what ifs...we've tried everything to convince him but....
2006-08-18 07:34:31 · 23 answers · asked by chweetestme 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I'm a widower. I don't think I could ever burden my children with my problems. So far I don't have any but even if I did I just couldn't get in their hair. I love my kids but I need my own space.
2006-08-24 14:14:29 · answer #1 · answered by The Mick "7" 7 · 18⤊ 0⤋
I would think that something very touching, or moving, might work; perhaps a movie of the place you are, and where he could stay, and the types of things he could do, involving all the people he would love might work. You are asking him to give up a WHOLE lot of things in order to do this. I know that my father is very-independent (even tho he is not quite at the age yours is yet) but I can imagine this situation. You are going to have to find a clever way to reach him because, at the beginning and at the end, "father knows best" and so you wont convince him through logical arguement (which it sounds like you are trying to do) Maybe have him come on a vacation, talk to a friend of his about his concerns, GET CREATIVE!! : )
2006-08-25 13:43:54 · answer #2 · answered by MadisonNewlyWed 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a grown man. There was a time when he took care of you and must have done a good job since it shows that you care for him. Let him be, stay in touch but don`t ever put him under pressure to your will. Can you imagine your children telling you to leave everything you know and move into a new home with new rules and arrangements? He has his freedom, don`t take it away.
2006-08-25 23:46:32 · answer #3 · answered by lew_lewisje 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Isn't there any relative at all where he is at? One thing you have to know about the elderly is, that change causes a lot of stress for them. In fact a lot of elderly people become depressed when they are being relocated. I think one other factor is also that if someone has always been very cautious....even flying with an airplane can be an issue. He is afraid of the unknown- this is very typical for elderly people...also if he went oversees, he wouldn't be able to visit his wife's grave.You can't force him....that's for sure...Let your Dad be for now. He is happy where he is....he has the right to chose where he wants to be and where he wants to die. At least you will know that he died happy...if you guys force him to join you abroad...he might die very unhappy. You don't want that.
2006-08-24 20:32:36 · answer #4 · answered by justmemimi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has lived his entire life as an independent individual. He has established his own lifestyle and friends. At his senior age, he will be more settled in his own environment than relocating to a new town. I understand you want him near you but you have also got to realise that parents aren't in to change at that age. It is too unsettling and could shorten his lifespan through stress. Just make sure he has a good support system around him in his town and keep in touch as much as you can. That's all you can do. Good Luck.
2006-08-26 02:58:12 · answer #5 · answered by friendly face 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's been on this earth a long time because he's a fighter. Unfortunately, fighters rarely die quietly, without a fight. Your father wants to be independent as long as he can, and if he dies trying, I can assure you he will think it is worth it. Just remember that all he wants right now from you is your love. And if he needs you in the future, just make sure you communicate that you'll be ready to help if he needs it. As his daughter, that's the best, most loving, most thoughtful thing you can do for him.
2006-08-25 18:40:52 · answer #6 · answered by Mark L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to respect his wishes - no matter how well-meaning your intentions are. Assuming he has enough money, he may have plans for himself when he gets too old to stay independent (assisted living, etc...). And, assuming by abroad you mean not in the country he is in now, he may not want to deal with culture shock in addition to the aging process. Be there for him the way he wants you to be, offer your house, but don't be upset when he says no. Just love him and tell him you want him to be happy. Good Luck!
2006-08-26 02:57:53 · answer #7 · answered by applebetty34 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop asking him to move. Rather invite him for a holiday or a visit. It will take some time for him to feel confirmtable about you people and the new place. He might change his mind.
My parents took 20 years to finally convince my grand parents to move with us. Sad - by the time it was my time to get out of home to college.
2006-08-26 06:11:01 · answer #8 · answered by Narend 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried asking him to come for a trial period? Say, a month or two? It sounds to me like he wants his independence and he's afraid of losing it if he lives with you. Lots of open discussion while listening to him and respecting his point of view is the only way through this one.
2006-08-25 08:50:42 · answer #9 · answered by Myrna B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think if your father is still able to take charge of his life its really still up to him, unless there are serious problems about the daughter in law, and son,i would have someone check on the situation,if that doesn't work, maybe talking to a family lawyer who handles these things might be worh looking into..i wish you good luck
2006-08-25 13:09:55 · answer #10 · answered by annie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your dad is used to taking care of himself as well as others. He needs to feel like he is needed and is making a difference. If he is just there taking up space then there isn't any reason why he shouldn't just stay where he is. Make it sound as though you need him to come stay to help YOU out. Make it believable or he will feel like you think he is incompetent. Kind of a tricky situation.
2006-08-26 06:49:17 · answer #11 · answered by Lil Bit 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋