I have a friend staying with me, who has 2 boys. She is going through a divorce and is staying here until they can find an apartment. Her oldest will not listen to even her. He won't follow anyones instructions and insists on doing things that we tell him not to do. He does this high-pitched screaming thing that can cause even the dead to wake up. He does this when he's mad, happy, or when his mom tries to discipline him. He won't follw any of my house rules, and it's rubbing off on my oldest (almost 2). I don't know what to do and if I can even do anything, since he isn't my kid. I need to know what to do with him!!
2006-08-18 07:10:39 · 10 answers · asked by odd duck 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
sorry.. forgot to say that he was 3 years old. He doesn't talk much, and a speech theripist said that it was all behavioral, so it's been going on before she brought him here.
2006-08-18 07:29:32 · update #1
My friend gets upset if I try to discipline him. Says that she needs to do it, but she overlooks things when I tell him no. She says they are boys and are rough anyway. I told her that most of that was how she disciplines them. A child can be molded to what you want them to be, as far as actions and discipline goes, so I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.
2006-08-18 07:38:22 · update #2
Talk to the mother...you don't have the right to dicipline her kid...but you do have the right to enforce your house rules.
Tell her you love her to death and you know she's going through a tough time...but it's your house and your rules and if she and her demon child want to stay there...they need to respect the house.
If she doesn't have the balls to dicipline her own child...tell her you're willing to take on the job while they're in your house...ESPECIALLY if the demon child is rubbing off on your child.
Tell her that you want to help her out...but that her childs lak of respect and behavioral problems are adversly affecting YOUR child in YOUR home...so something needs to happen.
She may not take it all that well...but if you can help her deal with her demon child...it will make her life and the childs life that much better in the long run...you'd be doing them a favor.
2006-08-18 07:20:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is probably acting out as a result of the divorce and change in his living situation. You do not say how old this boy is, but if he is school aged I would start with the school counselor. I would also, express to you friend you like being able to help her out, but some basic rules need to be followed in order for her to stay with you. These rules should have been expressed before she moved in. But my guess is eventually the child will calm down, especially after visiting the counselor a few times.
2006-08-18 07:19:05 · answer #2 · answered by Sherry 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sister- I hear you!!
I've been in that situation.. sort of. Twice, in my first year of marriage, my husband and I let someone live with us.
The first time was his best friend from high school- D- and his wife, B-. That was a challenge, b/c we'd been married less than a month, and they came to stay with us "for a couple weeks"... that became a month and a half!!! They both started puting my husband in the middle- they wouldn't talk to me!! I got sick of them using him as a middleman, I got sick of them not respecting my rules.... I finally got in touch with my inner B****, and they moved out.
The second time was about 6 or 8 months later. It was my husband's brother. He was kinda difficult, too. He got a job, but kept "calling in sick" b/c he slept in... He finally got fired... eventually he moved out, as well.
Yes, this little boy is not your child, so it's not your place to discipline him. On the other hand, he (and his mom) are living in your home, and you DO have a right to maintain order in your home.
Ask her one more time to enforce your rules. Let her know that this is her last chance. Tell her that she can enforce your rules, or you can, or she needs to move her family. She either needs to accept you "teaching" her son, or she can pony up and do it herself- at least untill she does find a place.
If you need to word it as an ultimatium, so be it. You're trying to be a good friend, help her out. If you're doing what you can to be a good host, you're filling your obligation. As a guest, she has an obligation to respect your rules or leave.
2006-08-18 10:39:50 · answer #3 · answered by Yoda's Duck 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay.. so your friend is going through a rough and crappy time. It's so nice of you to help them out. You need to talk to your friend and convince her that the kids need to follow house rules. Also it sounds like she needs to talk to this child about what is going on. He's probably confused angry and scared. He probably misses his dad and may be very confused and angry at his mom for taking him away from his father - even if it was the best thing to do. Kids don't understand this kind of thing right away. He probably doesn't know what the right and wrong ways to gett his feelings out.
2006-08-18 07:22:42 · answer #4 · answered by puzzleraspie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your friend and tell your feelings. Tell her these are the rules, if you can't enforce them, then I will. If she doesn't want to disipine her child, then you may have to ask her to leave. I have a three year old boy who is very high maintence. He gets time outs, gets his toys taken away, tv privleges, etc. Tell her what you expect and that if she can't get control, you cannot have your children exposed to that. I know that may be hard, but you have to watch out for your kids first and foremost.
2006-08-18 12:54:06 · answer #5 · answered by monkeedee2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he needs to be introduced to time out. Talk to your friend about introducing it so she knows ur intentions but its your house so she should understand and be willing to get her kids to follow the rules. I know if i was living at someones place i would do everything i could to keep the kids under control.
2006-08-20 03:53:31 · answer #6 · answered by nicole 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then you tell her if she can't control her children and have them behave and follow your rules, then she is going to have to move, because your child is picking up on the bad behaviour. She should be respecting your rules, and she is the guest.
2006-08-18 08:16:26 · answer #7 · answered by mommy_2_liam 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit him in the corner. If that doesn't work, hold him still. If he's bigger, take away toys, dessert, privilegdes. Find out what matters to him and use it! Do not let a child run your house!
2006-08-18 07:17:47 · answer #8 · answered by Velken 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
time out works ~~ just because they arent ur kids u still have to tell them this is how its going to be. let him yell its not hurting u (well maybe ur ears but it will hurt his throat.) just trun on the music and drown his *** out. i watched this little girl and if it was her way she would yell really loud and i would just trun on the radio and play it loud. and louder she got i went with the radio and she would say its too loud and i would just look at her and say nicely "so are u"
2006-08-18 11:04:24 · answer #9 · answered by twib_tch69069 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just had my friends kids over and he was not listining and i just started to yell at him..not that loud, but i told him "If you dont listen then ill telll your mom. I just told him to behave.. Dont be afraid.
2006-08-18 07:19:00 · answer #10 · answered by this is me 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋