My boyfriend needs some space!?

Question

I met this wonderful guy about 10 months ago. We have been having a good relationship and got on really well. We both love each other very much. A few weeks ago, I realised he was feeling unhappy so prompt him with the situation. He told me that he is not happy and not sure if he is ready to commit for rest of his life....It was a total shock!! Later he told me he will make an effort and try to be happy. Yesterday he told me he wanted to have some space (finish),,,,We were both very sad...after some lengthy chat, he felt we are so lucky to have found each other and it will be a shame to give each other up. so we carry on......The problem is.....How do I know if he is not going to change his mind again? I am giving some space at the moment tried not to call him or arrange to see him. Please any advice will be really appreciated!

Answer 1

Do you two do EVERYTHING together?
If someone was around me 24/7, or even with me all night after work, I would need some space, too.
Each person has a need for some time alone, and maybe he needs more than you do. It doesn't mean that he doesn't love you, it just means that he needs some time inside his own head.

Answer 2

Honey, as sad as it is to hear, I think he already made up his mind and is just sticking it out to spare your feelings. Don't do this to him, and don't do it to yourself. You mentioned that it came as a total shock. With that being said, I'm wondering how in-tune you were with the relationship to begin with. Ten months is a long enough time to really get to know someone and if you couldn't pick up on the clues, then maybe you were more in love with the idea of the relationship, than the actual relationship itself. He tried to end it, he told you he was un-happy, and now because he didn't want to hurt you, he's forcing himself to try to be happy? Put yourself in his shoes for a second....what would you do? I think giving him his space was a start, but I think letting him go would be a better way to go. It doesn't have to be bitter, you two can remain friends. It's better to have him in your life, than to not have him at all. These things happen, it doesn't have to be something bad. It's just two people who tried at a relationship and found a great friendship intstead. Life if what you make of it and most of us would prefer to be happy, but if we had to force that happiness, what kind of life would that be?

Answer 3

The sad thins is, you don't really know if he is going too. My advice would be to keep doing what you are doing. Giving him some space without being separated. That way he's getting what he wants, some time, but its not a permanent thing so your happy. You should also try to find other things to fill your time. Try new things or things that you know make you happy. That way he wont think you are just sitting around waiting and pressuring him. And ultimately you should be concerned with your happiness. I can tell that you do care for him, but you need to start caring for yourself and being worried that he might change his mind is only going to leave you miserable.

Answer 4

Well, if it's as good as you say it is, you should give him some space. You shouldn't have to refrain from calling him, just don't talk his ear off about useless babble when you do. Guys hate that. Space just means spending less time together so that the two of you can do independent things that interest you. My girlfriend and I started having issues because we were spending too much time together and I wasn't getting things that I wanted to do done. So I took alittle space, and we started having more problems because I wasn't spending enough time with her. All that changed when she started doing things for herself and started becoming more independent. So my advice is give him some space, but give yourself some space too. You are probably still young and have alot of things you want to do. When
you focus on making yourself happy, your boyfriend will appreciate you more ( it's kind of like you are increasing your value. Independent women are incredibly sexy ). The stronger each of you becomes as an independent person, the more each of you have to bring to the relationship.

Answer 5

Don't call him or see him every day, make it every other day at the most.
He needs time to be able to just relax by himself & to get on with his own life & interests without you so when you get together you will have more to talk about & be more interesting to each other. A bit of time apart can make you appreciate the time spent together more.

It sounds like he needs some time to do his own thing he may be feeling trapped by all the togetherness, some people need & want time on their own to be happy.
24hr togetherness is not a good thing for all couples so try giving some space and see how the relationship improves.

All you can do is give both of you some space to live your own lives out of each others pockets & see if it brings you closer.

If you are meant to be together then you will both work through these problems & become stronger for it, it just takes both of you to work at it, to compromise & to repect each other.

Answer 6

OM MY GOSH! I went through the same thing yesterday. I don't know, we a pressing on too. I'm just going to remember that if it doesn't work out there is always other fish in the sea. I love my boyfriend so much, and I'm faithful to him. But when he told me that my heart was broke. Just give him another chance and if that doesn't work don't worry there is someone else out there for you. You both need time to heal whatever hurt happened. And if he does change his mind then like I said maybe it was for a reason.

Answer 7

How do I know if he is not going to change his mind again? <-- come on.... your never going to know.../ i'll never know and changes are he will never know!
i mean your tring to read the future! and that's well unrealistic!
it's good your giveing the space!
if you get involved again!
Remember this!
in a true loving relationship there are 3 people in volved
1 the female or one to play a female! lol
2 the male or one to play the male! lol
3 a life together as male and female or same! yeah lol
if you don't have your own live away from some then that person is not a bonus in your life and that is what will destroy any closeness to someone!
also remember only love those who love you back!
Good luck
Mad luv

Answer 8

You're lucky to have a relationship in which you can address together your inner issues. It's great and value it!

As for your fears, I understand them but giving him space is not breaking up. He seems to be a honest guy and seems to have had an appropriate behavior with you so far. I'm not telling you trust blindly, bt at least enjoy your relationship now because he seems to be with you sincerely!

Take care!

Answer 9

just the norm, you're facing it now than later. its good of him to be frank with you.
dont worry, its a normal phrase of a relationship. since you're only in courtship, let it be a test for you 2.

you'll emerged stronger and wiser and so does him too. doubts will be cleared and knowing each another better.

rest assured, you've him and he has you as he's relectant to give this relationship up? but never be too complacent or take it for granted. it takes more commitment to nourish one and cherish it.

do whatever your heart feels right and never be too scared to lose out and do your best. its only the starting point and more to come...thats life and in a relationship.

good luck!

Answer 10

I think he will change his mind again. You should have let him go when he said he needed space. Don't talk anybody to stay with you. If he wants to go let that man go. You talked that man to stay with you and he felt guilty but you know that he really wants space. He is not happy so let him go find his happiness. You are wasting your time and his.