What do you do when your three year old starts hitting you and trying to bite you?

Question

My ten month old is always hitting me in the face and now my three year old has started copying her. The difference is my ten month old doesn't know any better my three year old does. They are both girls. My three year old has started coming after me, biting and hitting when she gets angry with me. What should I do, I can't hit her back for heavens sake and time out hasn't worked. I tried explaining to her that hitting and biting hurts and it's wrong. Anyone have any ideas how I can nip this in the bud before it gets really out of control?

Answer 1

Read this site below. It will help you. Definitely don't hit or spank. It just teaches that hitting is okay.

Answer 2

this is a hard thing to deal with. I have a 3 year old who likes to hit and pull hair.. Biting usually stops, but hitting can go on and on.. I put my girls on their bed for 15 minutes, when they start doing stuff like that. And if they don't stay there, I sit with them and try to calm them down. Not everything works for the same person though. Get a book and read about different ways to handle a situation like this. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 3

What do you mean, "for heaven's sake I can't hit her back"...WHY NOT? SPANK HER AS$! I don't mean abuse, but how are you going to show a three year old who is boss by taking away toys or time-outs. Children don't understand timeouts nor can they have an "natural fear" instilled in them. To her, she is the boss of you because you don't do anything to stop her from acting like an animal. Don't spank the 10 month old of course, but since the 3 year old see's that you don't do anything when SHE bites you, she'll continue to get worse and worse the older she gets. ***THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH SPANKING!!

Answer 4

There is NO reason to bite back or spank her! I cannot believe what some of you parents do to your children! You want to discipline your daughter, not punish her. You need to use natural and logical consequence. A consequence for a person who hurts you is that you don’t want to be near them because you don’t want to get hurt. Taking away a toy or privilege when she bites you is not a logical consequence. Taking away a toy if she throws it is logical.

She is jealous of the baby and so she is acting out. It is a way for her to get attention even though it may not be positive, it is still attention. She has lost her power of being the youngest and is trying to find ways to feel powerful. Take a little time everyday to show her how much you love her and how important she is to you. When her sister is sleeping, read her a story, play a game, do an art project, or make a snack together. You can also have her help you with baby. She can help to feed the baby, get the baby's outfit, help with bath time.

Help her to feel powerful in positive ways. Say things like "You did that by yourself! You worked on that for a long time! Look how high you can jump! These are intrinsic rather than extrinsic ("Good job!", stickers, candy). These phrases are great confidence builders.

I would be overly dramatic about her hurting you. When she comes near you, move away and say "I'm worried you’re going to hurt me. I don't want to be near you if you are going to hit me." If she hurts you, get down to her level and say "I do not like when you hit me." Take her gently by the hand to a place away form you (her room, the couch) and say "When you are ready to be gentle then you can come back." This is not a time out because you are not giving her a time limit (you controlling her). She returns when she is ready to control herself. Thank her when she is gentle.

Empathize with her after an angry moment. "I can tell you were (upset, frustrated, mad, angry, hurt). What can we do about that next time instead of hitting?" She will soon learn to better express herself rather than lashing out. Be consistent! Good luck!

Answer 5

Try taking away privledges. Tell her that if she bites you again, you will take away a toy that she likes. Every time she bites or hits, take one away. Then put her in time out and tell her that she won't get the toy back back for X amount of time. You have to set the time limit for it. Some kids won't remember why it was taken away if you wait too long, so you have to judge it by your child. Then start telling your 10 month old not to hit. They are young, but if you treat her the same as your older one, then the older one learns that mommy is saying that to sister too. Maybe that will spark a connection to your oldest.

I'm dealing with screaming right now. I have a friend living with me who has 2 boys, her 3 year old screams at the top of his lungs if he doesn't get what he wants, and now my oldest (2 the end of this month) is copying him. I'm trying to deal with this the same way you are. It's frustrating when your kids won't listen, or don't seem to get the concept of what we are teaching them. I guess that's why they call kids a labor of love.

Answer 6

I'm sorry but nothing is going to stop that child but a spanking probably. What is wrong with parents today that they are so afraid of spanking their children and then when their children act like animals they don't know what to do? There's a very big difference between punishing a child and abuse. If a child doesn't fear you at all then she is in control.

Maybe you could try what they do for the really bad kids who hit their parents, which is hold them down for a minute or so. I suppose that is a good alternative to spanking if you are that against it.

Answer 7

Show her who's boss. Next time she tries to hit or bite you, spin her around, pull her pants down and whip her little behind. Do it hard enough so she knows you mean business and it's unlikely she'll try to hit you again. If she does, spank her again.

Don't put up with that. Don't let your kids start trying to hit you and be violent. If you let it go and don't do anything about it, trust me, it's just going to become a habit and it will get worse and worse as the child gets older. Put a stop to it now.

Oh, and please don't be one of those conservative idiots who think 'time outs' work. They don't. Spanking works. It's not cruel, it's not abuse and it's not illegal. Trust me; my Dad was a cop and a detective for Los Angeles for 34 years and I've been spanked plenty of times growing up. If I were to *ever* hit him or try to bite him....God help me. I would've got the spanking of the century and I would never have done it again. Ever. A simple 'time out' would've made me laugh and I'd just keep doing what I was doing because I wouldn't be scared or respectful of time outs. They're silly and they don't work.

Answer 8

Yeah, spank the poop outta her. You should NOT tolerate disrespect like this from your child. My 2.5 year old tried to do the same a few times after watching my 12m old do this. I explained to her that he's a baby and doesn't understand, BUT that she was a big girl and should NOT do this. That was her warning...the next time she tried it, I wore her out. She hasn't done it since then. Spanking is NOT hitting...Hitting is hitting...don't confuse the two. You're not doing your daughter any favors by "letting her express herself". Want every friend you have to avoid you like you have the plague, then don't spank your kids. Nobody wants to be around spoiled/disrespectful kids...ugh. Spank her!

Answer 9

Who is the parent here. You make the rules and you daughter has no chose but to follow them. No hitting. That means you and her. My daughter is 3 and if I were in your position I would stop her hand from hitting me of hold her away from me so that she could not bite me. Then I would tell her I don't hit me why do you think it is OK to hit me, and the same goes for bitting. You are the mom that does not mean that you have to take her crap!!!! Oh and by the way it is not OK for your baby to hit either. When she hits you....especially in front of your older daughter, tell her that hurts mommy, be nice. Maybe if your older daughter sees that baby getting the same story she may change her ways....good luck!!!!

Answer 10

It sounds mean, but bite her back. She doesn't realize it hurts. So show her it hurts and she'll prolly quit. It worked with me when I was little. If other methods have failed, strap her into a high chair in another room or strap her into her carseat (brought into the house, of course). It will keep her in one spot and make sure she's not hurts others. Kids hate having to sit. I used to hold my son still when he's throw fits, but he never bit.

Answer 11

Definitely time out. It DOES work, but it's hard. You ahve to MAKE her stay in time-out, even if it means her screaming and getting up out of time out over and over. KEEP putting her back in time out and tell her "NO". Also, children HATE to be ignored. I would ignore her and when she says "Mommy why won't you talk to me or play with me?" TELL HER, that she hurt you by biting and hitting you and you don't like it. That will make her realize that it really did hurt you and she will probably stop. Most toddlers who do this are only "testing" their mothers, but they REALLY DON'T want to hurt them.

Also, your 10-month-old DOES know better. Don't hit her, but when she bites, flick her on the cheek and say "no"! Even if she cries, it WILL teach her not to bite.