How can I gently break up with my boyfriend?

Question

I have a boyfriend I have been with for almost 2 years. I am in my mid 20s so I am obviously looking for someone to eventually mary. I have realized I do not weant to marry this person, so I don't want to waste any more of our time. He was always a good friend of mine before we dated, and I don't know how to tell him with minimal pain. I know he will be upset, and it kills me to hurt him. I know I can't just come right out and say "I don't want to marry you" because that seems a little harsh and I dont want to do that. Although some people say it's impossible, I would like to eventually be friends again somewhere down the road.

Any suggestions about what I could say or how I could wordit to make it a little easier on him?

Answer 1

I would sit him down and tell him that you need some time to think - apart from him. Tell him that if the two of you are meant to be together, then you will but the timing is not right and you just don't feel that the future includes the two of you as a couple......

Answer 2

That's easy in concept, but not in reality.

The main thing here is to honest, but gently not brutally. You need to let him know that while you enjoy his company, you can't see yourself married to him. He might feel the same way about you. Calmly explain that you are ready for marriage. You want the house, kids, pets, etc... and you want them now. He may or may not be ready for this step. If he says he is too, then you have to tell him that you don't feel you two are marriage material together.

Don't say things that are an insult to him, or use any stereotypical break-up lines. "It's not you, it's me", and other type phrases, only makes it worse. He's probably smart enough to see right through them. "It's not you, it's me" translates into, "Yes, it is you, and I can't stand you anymore".

While the hurt is impossible to avoid, the friendship later isn't impossible. Tell him you care about him, but as a friend. Yes, it's a blow, but he may take it better than you expect since you two were friends before. You have to make him realize that you value him as a person, and a friend. He's important to you, you don't want to hurt him, but you just don't see the two of you married. The words should come from your heart about how you feel. If he gets too upset, and you never see him again, that's his loss.

Besides, when you do find Mr. Right, how is he going to feel about an ex that's still your friend. That's something you need to consider. A future husband may not be comfortable with a past lover.

I had to end a four year relationship with a guy that was my friend. We stayed friends for about a year, then we both moved on. I'm glad that we did, my husband is a wonderful man, but he got uncomfortable whenever I talked to the guy. He was happy when the friendship ended. He later told me that he always wondered if I still had feelings for the guy, and what if we ever wanted to rekindle the flame.

Answer 3

The best way to break it off with a boy:
#1. Ask all of your friends to go out on the town the day of
#2. Prepare a lunch date with your bf
#3. Write a note about breaking up with him and all the reasons why you don't like him.

When you go for your lunch date at the end of the date out of the blue be as nice as possible and tell him I don't think this is going to work. I don't see our future together. Yes 2 years is a long time but, I think that 2 years and a day is too long. hand him the note and leave. Go find your girlfriends (cause there emotional support) and have a good nite, tomarrow will be the hardest but just think back to the night you had fun. Eventually, you and him will move on. Thats it. Break ups are hard but I think thats the easiest way.

Answer 4

The first thing - be honest. Longevity of friendship will prove itself over time. If this guy is truly the friend that you say he is, then he will respect your honesty.

You'll need to do some 'homework' ahead of time, but it will be worth it!

Prepare him by letting him know that you've got to have a serious talk with him. Then tell him what you're feeling. You are in a stage in your life that you are looking for a husband, and you don't want to waste his time or your time by going through the motions of a special relationship that you know won't last... especially a relationship that will jeopardize your friendship with him.

HERE'S THE PART THAT REQUIRES HOMEWORK:
Tell him the type of person he is, and what qualities in a spouse he needs that you clearly don't have. BE SURE NOT TO LEAVE IT THERE. Then tell him what qualities you have, and what you need in a husband that he doesn't. The key is to highlight his best qualities, but genuinely let him know why the two of you are not compatible. Men are typically logical creatures. If you lay it out logically, with realistic reasons why, it may soften the blow.

You may want to write the key things down ahead of time - the emotion of the moment may make you forget the important points!

Answer 5

KUDOS to you for finding out early on! Sit him down and tell him that you want more than he can give.. alwys give 3 positives and then a negative. Like... You are such a great person, and we have great fun, and I treasure what we have had, but, I feel like I would be wasting our time if I chose to marry you. I feel like we need some time to refect on what has happened here... and tell him that you want to break it off. Dont tell him you want space.. that is an inviatation to keep calling you like nothing is wrong. He will think that you two are still together. Being friends is hard.. it takes time after a break up. I am firends will all my ex's but they have to get over the hurt first.. good luck

Answer 6

Just start by taking a break for a month or so...I thought that I wasn't in love with my bf when we got to over two years and I split up with him. I realised during that time that I had made a mistake and that all I needed was a break for a bit to reevaluate my feelings. Now I love him more than ever.
But if you feel that this won't work then there is no other way...just explain to him how you feel. No matter what he's gonna hurt...you just gotta do it.

Answer 7

Just tell him that you like him but its just not going anywhere. You need a relationship thats serious. I know your upset but thats life. I always be your friend. Tell him your religious and that to be with someone and do things you want to be married. Its not that your not the one is just Im growing up and I need my time to live life. I want to have fun and than settle down slowly. Its better I do this now than 10 years down the road and hurt you, and actually married you, had it been a mistake. Hope your ok.

Answer 8

its always really hard breaking up with someone especially someone you care about.. the best way to do it is to be honest.. i would say something along the lines of "im just not sure what i want right now. i think i need some time to think and enjoy life".. because when it comes down to it thats kinnda what you want to do.. tell him that u still care alot for him but ur feelings arnt the same.. and if ur feelings arnt the same then its not worth beeing together.. newayz good luck i wish u the best

Answer 9

Well,
Maybe take him some place, and then from there take it seriously and gently and then tell him that you don't feel like it's gonna keep on working out and that you wanna spend some time alone. Then you could tell him that you could still be friends, but that you really want to break up with him. I hope this is helpfull for you .
Good Luck.
Laterz :)

Answer 10

well im a dude and all i can say is being honest with him would prob be the best bet. but i know ur asking for a easier way to let him down be like im sorry but i cant be with u anymore and tell him u will still love/like him and be a good friend to him after this break up and such. i guess that would be a good way.
good luck