My son lied to his grandmother and grandfather. Told them I cut his shoes and clothes up. What should I do?

Question

He wanted me to buy him more Air force ones which cost about $100 dollars. (I"m his mother). But its not the cost as much as it is that he doesn't apply himself in school. He'll be a junior and does more often than not bring home D's and F's. He's a bright boy and he is lazy. He doesn't do homework and if he did all of it he would at least pull C's in school. So I told him he has to work and earn his money for $100 gym shoes that he will no longer be able to fit in 4 months or that he won't want because he wants new ones. The lie he told was to make them feel sorry for him and his grandfather fell for it and gave him $100. So this child of mine bought a pair of clear air force ones. I'm going to pick him up from grandmas and I'm going to confront him in front of grandma since he told me over the phone that he didn't tell his grandma that. Should I really cut up his air force ones (he already has two pair-black and white ones) or should I make him give those shoes back to grandpa?

Getting a refund is not an option.

Answer 1

make him give the shoes back, by cutting them up your only hurting the one who spent the money... at least give them the option of getting their money back at the store... and if they cannot be returned then hold them until he has earned then from you or his grandparents.. confronting him in front of his grandparents is wonderful... it will expose and ebarrass him.. and it will make them less likely to believe any other lies he might consider telling them.. the whole thing was really sneaky of him to attempt to circumvent your rules / and parenting of him... so you definitely need to show him that there are consequences...for what he has done... no doubt he has things he treasures that you can withhold from him as a form of punishment... like his tv .. stereo .. or ground him etc... and it might even be a good idea to make him do extra chores for his grandparents as well since he really did something against them as well... and no doubt they too will feel hurt/used and disapointed in him for lying to them... so he needs to show them something too as well as apologizing to them for lying to them... teenagers can be very difficult... they are going through their own changes plus they are testing you and their own limits with you...its enough to make you pull your hair out at times lol... but it only gets worse if they feel they can push the limit... so... something has to be done... as far as the school work / grades go... something has to be done with that too... hes not taking school seriously enough... and his study habits may need some work.... sometimes the smartest kids seem to be the laziest in school ... but often its because they are bored or distracted... if you are home when he gets home from school, the best thing is to make him hit the books for a few hours before he is allowed to do anything else.. and then if you can ask him questions on his work to see if he is getting it/ understanding/ learning it...perhaps finding a way to make it more interesting and easier to remember what he is studying.., make him show / tell you what he did in school everyday.. and perhaps work out a system where he can earn privledges and or an allowence if he starts doing better in school, and if not he will start losing certain privledges ( spending time with friends , going to a movie, going out to dinner etc)etc... but discuss the whole thing with him first so he knows exactly how it will work and maybe even post the list on a wall so you can both keep track of it... and make adjustments if you need to..... this gives him a sense of discipline and responsibilities of controling his actions and by knowing there are rewards and consequences for everything in life...and its up to him to earn or lose things...and you can expand that to other things like chores etc... I know these years aren't easy but it does get better ! lol..my best wishes to you!

Answer 2

I would certainly take away the shoes or clothes which he has already claimed you cut up. I don't know that I would actually cut them up, seems like such a waste...but the shoes at least you might be able to get some money for off of Ebay - or just give the clothes / shoes to someone else. He should know that lying to get what he wants isn't cool, and that there are consequences. Also, like the other poster said, you could let him keep what he already has but absolutely refuse to let him take the new ones home. (or have him earn them by coming up with $100 mowing grass or something).

Good luck!

Answer 3

If the shoes haven't be worn, I would return them to the store and then I would give the money back to his grandparents. If they have been worn. I would take them away, and ground him - make him do chores to pay back his grandparents. He also needs to be made accountable, so make him apologize. Also, I would tell his grandparents not to give him money without talking to you first. Obviously your son is sneaky. I wouldn't cut the shoes up because his may get worn out and you need a replacement pair. Otherwise, donate them to charity - someone out there could really use a new pair of shoes.

Answer 4

I would be making him do chores for his grandparents to pay back the money for his shoes just to teach him that nothing comes out of lying. Make him responsible for his actions as he will keep doing this until he gets what he wants. An apology to them wouldn't go astray either.

Answer 5

I agree confront him in front of his grandparents. Then make him leave those shoes there. Keep the option open for him to earn them from his grandpa, but the option of him getting to take them home with you should be out of the question.

Good luck!

Answer 6

You are doing the right thing by making him fess up to grandma. I wouldn't cut them up but give them back to grandma and when he applies himself she can give them back to him. No need for her to waste her money. I would also make him do some chores around grandma's house to work off the money. Good Luck

Answer 7

Why not beat them up... like you keep doing me in my questions for no reason?

Answer 8

hey do you know where to buy them? email me pleaz [e-mail]
thanxz!