I have been with the same man for sereval years now. He is real nice to me and in love with me. I do feel conforable with him.I do not feel as in Love with him as he is with me. When he mentioned marriage and kids the other day my heart says no. I feel that it is time to break up, but I do care about him and do not want to hurt his feelings. Also, I have never been on my own and am kinda scared about that. Any advise or insight would be appreciated.
2006-08-18 03:47:56 · 26 answers · asked by me 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
We did talk about this this morning.
2006-08-18 04:08:16 · update #1
Hey me --
Looks like everyone who has had at least one strong relationship wants to give you advice on how to live your life. Here is the bottom line: "Do you love him unconditionally, complete with all of his faults?" and "Do you feel that he loves you the same way?"
For two yes's, talk to him and work something out. For any number of No's, love is not driving the relationship and talk to him about the lack of love (yours or his or both).
It may not be possible to stop this without him getting hurt. You should have realized this before you allowed it to go on this long. Deal with it, the sooner the better.
2006-08-18 13:25:22 · answer #1 · answered by Richard 7 · 40⤊ 0⤋
You know, I was the same with my high school sweetheart and made the HUGE mistake of marrying him. It only lasted 13 months and I just had to leave. Talk about breaking someone's heart not to mention both sides of the family. It was just horrible and here I am 22 years later and still feel really bad for letting it get that far. He was the nicest person in the whole world and certainly did not deserve what I did to him.
Anyway, I would honestly get out NOW while he is just a "boyfriend". Better that he only have a little bit of pain now compared to the bit-time heart ache he will feel if you take it to the next step.
And oh................. you will be fine out on your own. Move back home for a bit if you have to!
mb
2006-08-18 03:57:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't string him along if you don't feel the same way, it is not fair to him. Better to break it off now then later. It'll save both of you major heartache in the long run. You say you care a lot for him...then break it off, he'll appreciate it even if he gets hurt for a moment. The hurt will not be as bad as him finding out that you didn't love him (fill in the blank) years ago. Think about that.
And don't worry about being alone...there are millions of guys in the world. Are you that repulsing? I doubt it. And secondly, it is nice to be single sometimes. Don't use a male companion as a crutch. Good luck, you can do it!
2006-08-18 03:58:09 · answer #3 · answered by Emi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand what your saying
sometimes a relationship can loose its spice and fun where u have been with someone so long.
what i would suggest is maybe not break up with him but find other hobbies and things that don't include him, starting making more friends, and if he wants to take things serious again say i would just like some fun for now, but being on your own is scary it scares me, so try and build your confidence and give it sometime you never know you might feel serious about this guy again, have some more fun in the relationship and find your own way in live and if do sent work, it would be a good idea for both of you to break up, its hard but might be for the best
good luck x
2006-08-18 03:57:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you need a little space to clear your head. You maybe just are a bit scared. If I were you I would sit down and explain to him that you need some time to yourself to make sure you are where you want to be in life. Tell him that you don't want to hurt him, you just don't want to get into a situation that is not the best for the both of you. Also, tell him that he should do the same thing. It's not really a separation, just some alone time. I think more couples should do this before they take the plunge. I think less people would get divorced.
2006-08-18 04:00:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cant stay with him to make him happy. If you are unhappy, you should taken your out now while nothing is at stake, like a marriage and kids. A lot of people have some sort of dependency and dont know how to be alone, but you need to be alone. You don't know who you are or what you want from yourself or life. Give yourself that opportunity to do so. You may find out a lot of things about yourself. If you're not loving him the way hes loving you, two lives are being wasted. Life is too short to be unhappy, give him the chance to love someone else if you dont want him. Please dont be scared about getting to know yourself because in the end, thats all you have.
2006-08-18 03:57:15 · answer #6 · answered by brittneyafoster 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if he mentioned marriage and kids and your first instinct was no then he is not the guy for you. And no you aren't in love with him - you may like him but not in love with him. You shouldn't remain in any relationship just because you dont want to hurt someones feelings or because you are afraid of being alone. Not sure what you mean by alone - as far as living alone or just being alone with no man. You should feel complete with or without a man. I think you need to end it. In the long run its the best thing to do - yea he may be hurt, but in time he will heal and move on and find someone else. Don't stay in for selfish reasons, life is to short, and you cannot lead someone on if you don't see it happening
2006-08-18 03:54:21 · answer #7 · answered by SxyPR 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
u can't be pulled into a marriage cuz u don't want to hurt the guy cuz in the long run u will be miserable which in turn will make the guy miserable. u deserve the passion and total oneness that marriage brings and obviously this guy isn't the one. best to break it off with him so he can get on with his life and u can find what u are searching for. believe me it does exist. i found the all consuming love and have been with my husband for 12 years. he is my best friend, my lover, and my life. anyway u have to do what makes u happy so do it. also what kind of fears are u having about being on your own? are they fears that u can't financially make it (it costs less to take care of 1 person than 2 people) or fears that u will be lonely (make plans to hang out with friends or go to the mall or any other public places). girl, the whole world is yours all u have to do is reach out and grasp it with nobody standing in your way. good luck
2006-08-18 03:59:21 · answer #8 · answered by a very happily married woman 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
NEVER stay in a relationship because it's comfortable! You will regret it someday. (Trust me!) I would tell your man that you care for him very much but don't think that you see the relation leading to marriage. He might feel the same way but only said it because he thought that's what you wanted, you never know. I would be as honest as possible with out being hurtful.
Don't be afraid of being on your own. It's the best way to see who you are on the inside. It might be scary but you can lean on a friend or family member to help you out.
Good luck & do what's best for you!!
2006-08-18 04:09:16 · answer #9 · answered by ~*~*~*Jenny Anne~*~*~* 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If yoou are not in love with him as much as he is with you,I would not get married.I don't think i would break up with him if your heart wants to be with him.Just follow your heart and have god in your hands and it will all work out.I know how you feel about being on your own because i had the same problems,but i am married now and have a great husband and beautiful little 1 year old girl.
2006-08-18 03:59:46 · answer #10 · answered by juliest24 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, u must not love him like u say u do. He plans to spend the rest of his life w/ u, while u dont want to spend the rest of ur life w/ him. It's best to not break his heart by leading him on and end the relationship asap.
Or maybe u are not ready for kids yet. Tell him that and maybe then the relationship could be saved!
2006-08-18 03:58:01 · answer #11 · answered by wondergirl 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋