Ten Points?

Question

Ten points points to the first person who can make me laugh the longest without using curse words or anything to long.

Answer 1

Do gays buy their kids two Ken Dolls instead of Ken and Barbie?
What about Lesbian parents? :)

Answer 2

In case you needed further proof that the human
race is doomed through stupidity, here are some
actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On Sears hair dryer: "Do not use while sleeping."
[Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my
hair!]
On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No
purchase necessary. Details inside." [Evidently,
the shoplifter special.]
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular
soap." [And that would be how?]
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving
suggestions: Defrost." [But it's *just* a suggestion.]
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of
box): "Do not turn upside down." [Oops, too late!]

On Marks and Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product
will be hot after heating." [As sure as night follows
the day.]
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron
clothes on body." [But wouldn't this save even
more time?]
On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not
drive a car or operate machinery after taking this
medication." [We could do a lot to reduce the rate
of construction accidents if we could just get those
5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.]
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause
drowsiness." [One would hope.]
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or
outdoor use only." [As opposed to what?]

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for
the other use." [I gotta admit, I'm curious.]
On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains
nuts." [NEWS FLASH!]
On an American Airlines packet of
nuts: "Instructions: open packet, eat nuts." [Step
3: Fly Delta.]
On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this
garment does not enable you to fly". [I don't blame
the company. I do blame parents for this one!]
On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop
chain with your hands or genitals". [Was there a
chance of this happening somewhere? Good grief!]

Answer 3

Hi, I have put some jokes and other stuff on my personal website. Check it out and give me some feedback from the feedback link on my website.


http://www.geocities.com/johncena_yo23/



A man and his Boss board a train headed to their destination. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.

After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young man are interested in each other, because they start giving each other looks.

Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word.

The grandmother is thinking to herself, "It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him."

The Boss is sitting there thinking, "I didn't know the young man was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped and hit me!"

The young woman was sitting and thinking, "I'm glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!"

The young man sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, "Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Boss at the same time!"

Answer 4

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. Yo mommas so hairy she has afros on her nipples. A man brought a stinky goat home and it slept under the bed. The first night she said I cant stand the smell. He replied "Dont worry honey, I got used to it after the first year of sleeping with you."

Answer 5

There was a blonde cop that pulled over a blonde lady that had been speeding on the highway, the blonde cop walked up to the window and asked to see her license and registration. The blonde driver finds her registration but cannot find her license. So the blonde driver asks the blonde cop, "What does it look like?" The blonde cop replied, "It's kind of square and has a picture of you on it..." So the blonde driver fumbles around a little bit more in her car to find it... she finally came across a square compact, opened it and saw that it was her! She handed the compact to the blonde cop as her license, when the blonde cop opened it she said "Oh, I'm sorry ma'am... I didn't know you were a cop...!"

Answer 6

Just as mom walks though the door, little Jonny comes running over.He says "Mommy, Mommy.I was playing in daddy's closet and he came in with the lady next door and they started kissing and then they took off each others clothes and laid down on the bed..."
The mother interupts him. "Stop right there!! Wait 'till daddy comes home!!"

When the father finally returns from work, mother promptly goes up to him and says "I'm leaving you."

The father, bewildered, slowly asks "Why!?! What did I do??"

The mother turns to Jonny and says " tell daddy exactly what you told me today!"
"I was playing in daddy's closet and he came in with the lady next door and they started kissing and then they took each other's clothes off and laid down on the bed...just like what you and Uncle Joe did last summer."

Answer 7

I,ve got a Dirty joke for you....A white horse fell into the mud.:)
ok,ok it,s a lame joke, but it made me laugh the first time i heard it.

Answer 8

Once there was a beautiful woman who loved to
work in her vegetable garden. However, no matter
what she did, she couldn't get her tomatoes to
ripen. Admiring her neighbor's garden, which had
beautiful bright red tomatoes, she went one day
and inquired of him his secret.

"It's reall quite simple," the old man explained.
"Twice each day, in the morning and in the
evening, I expose myself in front of the tomatoes
and they turn red with embarrassment."

Desperate for the perfect garden, she tried his
advice and proceeded to expose herself to her
plants twice daily.

Two weeks passed and her neighbor stopped by to
check her progress. "So," he asked, "any luck
with your tomatoes?"

"No," she replied excitedly, "but you should see
the size of my cucumbers!"

Answer 9

so a grasshopper walked into a bar and the bartender says hey we a a drink named after you and the grasshopper says you have a drink named steve?

Answer 10

When I was pregant, I was constantly complaining about having to take prenatal vitamins--they were big and hard to swallow. My step-dad finally said "well, chew 'em up-they're CHEWABLE flintstone vitamins !