Now he just turned 21 in July. I have met the guy and he is very nice and I have had numerous discussions with him. He appears to be a good guy. He has just returned (in Feb) from Irag with the Marine Corp. He current resides at home with his dad and step mom and is currently employed as an electrician apprentice. And yes I do feel that I have raised my daugher appropriately so that she can make wise decisions on her own. My goal is to raise an independent daughter, so that when she is 18 and on her own she will indeed know how to make wise decisions all by herself. So what up---is the 5 years too much difference when one is a minor? Your opinions please.
2006-08-18 02:31:52 · 33 answers · asked by sunbun 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
PERSONALLY I WOULDNT ALLOW IT.
2006-08-18 02:37:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No.. it's not appropriate. My step daughter who had just turned 17 at the time got tangled up with a 24 year old. The situation turn horrible and consisted of her moving out and then back and the we threw her out and then she returned saying she didn't want him anymore and the we asked her to leave again when we found out she had lied to get what she wanted and now.. after physical and emotional abuse she has finnally given up this jerk and back home.
Will every experience with large age gaps be like this? Obviously not.. but there are lots of things here that you should be concerned about. Let's go through the list:
1) He's an adult dating a minor. Why is he not dating someone his own age? This is BIG question that needs to be thought about. I'm sure you daughter is lovely and sweet and kind... but so are THOUSANDS of ladies his own age... so why the facination is a minor?
2) He's an adult dating a minor. Same reason, different context... he can drink and smoke legally and she can't. He can go to bars and parties where alchohal is being served and then easily give this to her. He can buy tobacco and alchohal legally.. but if he shares it with his date.. he breaking the law.
3) He's an adult dating a minor. I know.. same reason... again.. different context. I would be 100% certain he has had multiple sexual experiences. Do you really think you daughter is ready for that? He will want to have sex with her very early in the relationship.. because that's what 'adults' do. Are you ready for the possiblity your daughter will be pregnant? I suggest you get her on Birth Control if she's not already.
4) Is he willing to wait another 2 to 3 years? Obviously your daughter is still in high school. If not you have bigger issues to handle and certainly don't need this kind of distraction. Is he willing to wait until she's graduated before they consider marriage and family? Have you discussed her future (HS diploma, college, career) and how this relationship will affect that?
5) He lives with Mom and Dad. This indicates that he hasn't grown up either. 24.. he should be out of the house and living his own life. He's still hat home because he is irresponsible and immature. He's dating high school age girls because 1)they are an easy mark for older guys and 2)he still living that high school life.
Well.. obviously I have some very strong feeling about this. We are still working to 'save our daughter' and get her back on track with her life. This situation is not a good and I suggest you become the parent and 1)tell your daughter this is inappropriate, 2)tell her it will be over, 3)tell him it is over and not to contact her and 4)be prepared to press charges against him if the relationship continues. Remember he's a 24yr old adult dating a 16yr old minor.... that is just wrong.
2006-08-18 02:54:19 · answer #2 · answered by wrkey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think NO. The real problem that I see here is that a 21 yr old former Marine should not really have anything in common with a 16 yr old girl. If he does, then he is pretty immature and that is not likely to change. Your daughter will outgrow him real soon. I think that until she is 18, she should stick to guys much closer to her age. I have a Marine son and a 18 yr old daughter so that is where I'm basing my opinion on.
2006-08-18 02:39:49 · answer #3 · answered by Chloe 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
okay listen.... I am 21.... and I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt- NO! Sure he might be a nice guy and all, but he should have to wait.....and I wouldn't say wait until she's 18, I'd say wait until she's about 20. 18 years old doesn't all of the sudden make her smart... if nothing else, waiting until she's about 20 will let her get some college behind her- to the point that she'll want to finish it before she does anything else. If the 21 year old guy can't wait that long, then you'll know his intentions with her weren't for forever anyways.
2006-08-18 02:47:47 · answer #4 · answered by Matt B 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Age always come up. But why does a 21 yr old wants to be sexually involved with a child under 16. Could it be that his level of mental development is between 15 and 21 and your daughters is between 15 and 21? In that case they are suited. Some women/girls prefer an older man. Be mindful of him being possessive of her and wanting to control her.
2006-08-18 02:46:04 · answer #5 · answered by enigma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My stepdaughter is 151/2. She has a awesome head on her shoulders, she is waiting until marriage wont touch drugs or cigs(because of her mom). And theres alot more reasons I trust her so much. But to keep this sorta short. I think a 21 year old is too mature for a 16 year old. At least my 16 year old. Most importantly there are currently laws against this, and you can get in trouble.!!
2006-08-18 02:42:50 · answer #6 · answered by Corie M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a 16 yr old and truthfully i think your nuts but that's my opinion i will raise my daughter to enjoy her teenage yrs and high school then let her grow up in college now is too soon for Independence and what the hell is a 21 yr old man doing with a 16 yr old girl . maybe i am getting too old. good luck either way
2006-08-18 02:41:10 · answer #7 · answered by mycrazylife 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Normally 5 years isn't a big difference, but i think in this case the issue is that she's only 16. The things he may like to do to have fun such as drink, go to bars, clubs, etc. would not be appropriate for you daughter to take part in.
2006-08-18 02:44:24 · answer #8 · answered by caramel_sundae1077 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say so. I wouldn't allow my 16 year old to date a 21 yr old. If they really want to be with each other then they can just be friends until she is 18
2006-08-18 02:38:58 · answer #9 · answered by purpleama456 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No I would not allow my 16 year old daughter to date a 21 year old man.
2006-08-18 02:43:03 · answer #10 · answered by Chris 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its just under 6 years difference, yes i think its wrong, hes dating a minor and if reported to the police can be arrested, laws are put there for a reason, 15 yr old going out with a 21 yr old sooooooooo wrong.. cant believe your letting her do it
shes stilla child till shes 18, a child dating a fully fledged adult its just pervurted
2006-08-18 02:39:19 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋