Is a dead mother better than an absent one?

Answer 1

That's a fairly morbid question - but a very real one. . .

In my case, having been adopted (after 3 foster homes) - a dead mother may have been 'better' than an absent one. . .

I 'found' my birth mother, when I was 30. . .she was brain damaged from acute alcoholism, and was able to share nothing from memory about her (and my) past life. She also manifested an extreme paranoia that I might 'find' my father and inform him as to her whereabouts. . .but could never tell me the reason for her 'fears'. . .the rest of the story? I never did find my dad - and my mom died, distant from me and her other 5 kids (all adopted, but only 1/2 siblings).

So - in effect - some of us suffered from absent AND dead moms . . . at the same time. There was no 'better' abandonment. This was perhaps a true test of finding the land of non-judgmentalism with another human . . . I'm glad she is at rest, finally.

Answer 2

Surely neither is great. Both have the cons, a absent mother you feel rejection and regret but a least you have the advance of gaining some hope that you may see them again. A dead mother you feel grief and loss but a least you know that there closure.

whether there it is a absent mother or dead the case is individually to the person, a you can not work out which is better or with case which is worse

Answer 3

Depends which way you look at it! On the one hand, if the mother's dead, that's the reason she's not with the child and the child grows to accept it; if she's absent, then the child feels rejected (and often has misplaced feelings of guilt). On the other hand, if it's an older child who feels concern for the mother's welfare, then the reverse is true. Plus, in this case, there's always the chance for a reunion. If you're thinking of adopted children and the absence of the natural mother, that's a different question altogether of course.

Answer 4

A dead mother is better than an absent mother because at least the dead one you no where she is . In heaven

Answer 5

Well, a child is very sensitive and things he/she experiences will determine many things in his/her adult life. If your mother mistreated you or never cared about you then you will grow up to be an adult with your life destroyed. If, however, your mother died when you were young you'll still grow up with a bit of a wound and hurt but at least your life will not be destroyed. As some people written here before, at least if she's dead you know that she would care if she was around and somehow that relieves the hurt. But with an absent mother, you just feel (as a child) that it must have been your fault that she got fed up with you or she didn't love you because you were not worth it...that's not the way to grow up...

Answer 6

I guess it depends on how you look at it. I have good memories of my mother (she is dead), so that is a positive thing. It might be nice if she was absent, then I would have a chance of seeing her again, though. You came up with a good question. I don't think there is a good answer for it.

Answer 7

NO an absent mother is still there a dead one isn't.

Answer 8

an absent mother has the chance to come back so a dead one is NOT better!=)

Answer 9

YES because absent mothers are absent for millions of reasons mostly bad they can crop up anytime in your life and cause mayhem drunk are the most commen times dead the ***** isnt likly 2 do this

Answer 10

No the absent one is better as you could change the feelings of the absent one and be with your mother. Rite?