who knows a good joke?

Answer 1

how about a funny story:

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited
a few half-eaten shrimp shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods.
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning and mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit...
Repairmen refused to work in the house...The maid quit... Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back...
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth...But only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within the hour, his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home... including the curtain rods.

Answer 2

"BE WARNED!
I don't how many of you shop at Tesco, but this may be useful to know.

I am posting this to you to warn you of something that happened to
me, as I have become a victim of a clever scam while out shopping.

This happened to me at Tesco in Enfield and it could happen to you.

Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 18-year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping in the boot. They both start wiping your windscreen with a rag and Windolene, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy t-shirts.

It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another Tesco.

You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start having sex with each other. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen last Tuesday, Wednesday, twice on Thursday, again on Saturday, and also yesterday."

Answer 3

Please, Nancythemyst, try another kind of writing, you'll never make it in comedy!
This guy asks his wife to go to the hardware store to buy a hinge he needed for the new door he was hanging. In the store she noticed a beautiful teapot and asked the price. Well, said the clerk, it's solid silver and the price is $400, and off he went to look for the hinge. After a few moments he called out from the back "do you want a screw for this hinge?" To which she replied "No, but I will for the teapot". Moral: never send your wife to a hardware store.

Answer 4

Hi, I have put some jokes and other stuff on my personal website. Check it out and give me some feedback from the feedback link on my website.

http://www.geocities.com/johncena_yo23/

Answer 5

Mr.JOKER will know good jokes... All others tell you bad jokes

Answer 6

Me. But I also know stuff even better...

I love to write comedy so here's one...

"Me and my little sister were with my mom at the pool. At the time, my sister had just turned three. She couldn't swim, and she always used her little green float. Sh went off the kiddie slide a couple times, and then she saw it--- the BIG SLIDE! She said, 'Mom I wanna ride that, can I ride that?' so Mom asked the lifeguard how old you had to be and the life guard replied that you had to be able to swim OR be 4 feet tall. Well, my sister heard and said, 'Yeah I can ride it!' mom said, 'no I'm sorry, but you aren't 4 feet tall yet.' My sister stared in confusion, 'uhu! My feet are too tall."

Answer 7

A man had no light in his house, so he had to light candles, one night he was reading a book, and some mosquitoes started to bite him, he did everything to try get rid of them it didn't work, so he put out the candle and hid under the sheets, after awhile he was getting hot under there so he came out from under the sheets and saw some Peenie wallie (lighting bug/ firefly) the man then burst out bomboclat dem come back with flash light fi mi.

Answer 8

Two patches of sick were walking down the road when suddenly one of the patches of sick started to cry.
"Why are you so upset" asked the other patch of sick.
"This is where I was brought up" replied the other.!!

Answer 9

----One day someone asks a Donkey:" hey why you have a zebra picture in your room,you are a donkey!!!" the Donkey says to him:" Oh its my Granpa's picture ,when he was playing in JUVENTUS Team!!!!..lol

----One day 2 tools( Penis) go to Cinema.first one tells the second one:" Oh i hope the film doesnt be sexy ,bcoz we will have to stand all the time untill end of the film."

----2 prophets were walking,then they see 10 pounds on the ground,the first prophet says its mine and the second one says its mine they argued on 10 pounds that who belongs to .at last they decide to throw dice.first one threw dice and he got 6.second one threw dice and he got 7 !!!! then first one says:"DAMN IT JUST FOR 10 POUNDS U DID Miracle"

----a man goes to see a girl and see how she is for marriage .when he meets the girl,he sees;she has mustache,the man askes her:"oh sweetie why is this why u have mustachae!!?" she starts crying,then that silly man thinks how he can comfort and console her. he starts stroking her hair and tells her heyyyyyyyyyy stop crying thats enough ,MAN NEVER CRY =))

Answer 10

a hunter finds a dead elephant and behind one leg is a pygmy "what happened to the elephant " he asks the Pygmy, "I killed it" says the Pygmy. "hang on" says the hunter" this is a 4 ton elephant and you are a 3 foot pygmy" how did you kill it" The pygmy replied"I killed it with my club" The hunter says "wel it must be a massive club" "It is " said the pygmy " theres 600 of us"