I'm dating a guy that I chose to be friends with first. New things have developed in the relationship.?

Question

I need advice. I'm seeing a guy that I told lets be friends. I was unsure if I wanted to date him. I wasn't sure if I was that attracted to him. But now I am very attracted to him. Everything else is great. I like his personality alot. I like everything about him now. Our relationship has gotten intimate. My problem is I don't know if he is on the same page. Does he now just want to be friends with the intimacy. Or does he want to be more than that? I would want more than that. But I'm the one that brought up about being friends. I know i should talk to him. But I don't know exactly how to say it. I knew that I I like him alot. I didn't know how much. But now I do. I think I could fall in love with him. And now he is talking about buying a 1 bedroom condo. But I'm kinda sad about this. I have a child. What if things go good between us. How would we live together? Is he thinking ahead without me? How do I talk to him about everything? Should I be worrying about the future?

Answer 1

You need to bring it up exactly as you've stated here. Start with, "I know I'm the one that wanted to be friends, but my feelings have changed and I want to know where you're feelings stand." Buying a condo is moving ahead, but if he's not talking about moving to a different town, he probably wants you in his future, he just doesn't want to stall his life on the false hope that you'll change your mind. If he stuck around after being told you just wanted to be friends, he values you, so be brave and start the conversation. :)

Answer 2

I've had this happen to me (i was told "let's be friends first, and we'll see about later once we get to know each other better"). I really liked the girl, but I respected her wishes and we became very good friends. The whole time I really liked her, but I didn't expect it to ever turn into anything more than friendship. I was making plans of my own about work and moving out from my parent's place. After a few months she came to me and told me that she feels that she wants to date me now and asked if I still wanted her. And I did.

The reason he's making plans without you (getting the one bedroom condo) is that he doesn't expect that you will change your mind. He would probably be very happy if you told him. And if, by some freak of nature, he no longer wants you, he will tell you that when you ask him, and it will not hurt your friendship. There is nothing to be afraid of in asking him. But in that situation, he will not make a move. No matter how much he may love you, he will not make a move on you because you told him to step back. If you want something more, you will have to let him know.

Best of luck to ya!

Answer 3

Wow! That's a loaded question. You need to tell him now that you like him more than a friend. You need to ask him how he feels about the intimacy. What does it mean to him. Don't blame him for wanting to buy a one bedroom condo. That's all he needs right now. If things get more serious between the two of you, then you will need to think about the future. But don't let him take advantage of you. Make sure he doesn't have a lot of friends "with benefits". Respect yourself!

Answer 4

dear saffarikitty 2000, ur so soft hearted i read ur Q. i hope what r u thinking about tht lucky perrson thts comes very true as soon as fast, go n pls purpose him right now but ..... u mentioned tht u hve a sweet child, this all he knows or not tht u never mentioned. if he knows then dont worry, or if he dosnt thn pls.... first tell him about all the matter.then think about ur future also ther is ur 1 responsiblity of ur child. ask this person can he take responsibilty of both of u. then pls first read his face expression if he conffident to give u answer then pls go ahead dont worry.also i wanna say tht face is not enough for love, what u see on face thts not orignal. if u love him from heart thts the orignal love, this formula same apply for him also. friendship is the first stage of love. u r right on ur way but my suggestion is tht before u start ur happy life with this guy think about u n ur baby's future. love is a sweet feeling from heart u hve to flew away with this movment .thnx.

Answer 5

the problem that you are having is very prevalent among most girls.while trying to guide themselves from falling in love with the wrong guy they delay and then make mistakes. i have being a victim of this kind of a thing. i am not saying that you are wrong while being careful but all i am saying is that may be it took you too long to makeup your mind. the advice that i can give to you now is that you should be your self and continue to talk with him. if he is yours, then he will realise it and then tell you how far he wants the two of you to go..like it is said,IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING, LET IT GO..IF IT IS YOURS ITWIL COME BACK TO YOU....TEN FOLDS..... if he is yours, he will love you ten folds better than he loved you.....

Answer 6

You are allowing yourself to get confused. If you hadn't got sexually involved you would not now be feeling unsure. Agree?
You have a child which I would expect to come first in this relationship. How does he get on with your child? Good father/husband material? Then be adult and speak to him seriously about the progression of the relationship and your concerns. Good luck.

Answer 7

It sounds like you've sent this guy mixed messages and he probably thinks you are just a friend with benefits.

I'd talk to him and get things straight. He probably would like to become serious with you. He's just going off of what you said.

Good luck.

Answer 8

You definitely need to talk because you might be on totally different levels. You need to tell him that your feelings have changed about him and being friends. But when you talk to him try to be understanding to his needs and feeling s too.