Bridemaid's Husband Is PSYCHO!?

Question

One of my bridesmaid's husbands refuses to allow his wife to dance at my reception with her groomsman. He said that if the groomsman even asks her to dance that he's going to kick his butt. He also said that if they walk together arm in arm that he's going to kick the groomsmen butt on the spot. My wedding is in a church and the groomsman that she is walking with is my fiance's brother who is happily married with two kids. She has already bought her dress. Should I re-order my plans for the wedding and not have a bridesmaid and groomsmen dance and make sure that she doesn't touch her escort or should I just tell her she can't walk? It's to late to order another dress for someone else, so if I tell her she can't be in the wedding, would it be wrong of me to request to purchase her dress from her or should she offer to give it to me for someone else to wear OR should the person that will take her place purchase it from her? WHAT WOULD YOU DO????

Answer 1

make sure you make him feel like an a s s when you tell her you can't have her in the wedding because of his stupid s h i it and tell her your sorrt and ask her if the person that replaces her can buy the dress sorry an a s s hole likr that had to ruin your special day good luck sweetie!!

Answer 2

You seem to have found a rather tight predicament.

If your friend still wants to be in the wedding, then you might give her the option of the dance. It won't ruin the wedding if she sits on the side for that or doesn't hold hands with the groomsman.

As far as the husband goes, it sounds like he is looking for a fight, and is quite likely to find it somewhere. You can't invite her without him. He probably won't let her go alone. If you don't invite her, it may be easier on all, but at that point she is going to feel rather alienated from the rest of the crowd, more so than usual.

It looks like your friend is in the middle of a not so good marriage. That level of jealosy and control is going to be a significant drain on her. I'd bet on some abuse problem there.

I'd make sure that the husband was not served too much alcohol. It looks like he is out to make a scene.

You might also have your fiance and his friends talk with the husband and assure him that it is quite normal in the dance for the bridesmaid and groomsman to dance together and that this is really part of the event. Give him (the husband, not the fiance) the offer of not showing up if it will be too much stress for him. You could end up losing the bridesmaid at that point.

There is always the chance that the husband is blowing a little smoke here and he'll be fine at the wedding. Most folks really won't make a scene in such a visible area, even the controlling ones. There is too much at stake for them.

Answer 3

Frankly, nothing about your wedding is going to please this guy. Accept that one now and still allow her to be in your wedding and walk down the aisle and be on the arm of the groomsman she is supposed to be on. At the moment, I am actually planning a wedding where a security guard is being hired. This is not some high profile politician or society wedding - it is just a normal, every day wedding. I would suggest that you do the same thing. If you have a college somewhere in your area that offers a police training course or a security management course, hire one of the students to work the day of the wedding and if this guy creates a scene at any point, he's removed from the property. Keep your wedding exactly how you want the wedding to be and just have a contingency plan in place for any messes that might happen.

It's hard to say how this bridesmaid will react to this but I can't imagine any woman actually wanting her husband to make that much of a scene and still be around the rest of the day. Just fill her in on your plan and see how she reacts. If it were me in that situation, I would be happy about it because I still get to be in my friend's wedding.

Answer 4

I don't see any point in having the bridesmaids and groomsmen have a special dance at the wedding. If I were you, I'd scratch that.

If the bridesmaids walk down the aisle alone towards the groomsmen who are already lined up, then there's no touching. During the recessional, they can just walk next to each other.

Make sure you tell the photographer that no one can touch this bridesmaid. Sometimes they pose them togther so that his hand is on her waist for the pictures.

If you ask her to not be a bridesmaid, it would be decent of you to reimburse her for the cost of the dress, and just not have another bridesmaid.

However, I'd like to warn you that you need to be prepared to call the police if this guy is at your wedding, regardless of if she's a bridesmaid.

Best of luck to you!

Answer 5

Have a non-confrontational talk with her. Tell her it is her decision whether or not to be in the wedding, but if her husband does the things he says he will do then it is on HER head for your day being destroyed. If she is a true friend, she more than likely will opt out of being a bridesmaid. As for the dress, if she would wish to sell it to another bridesmaid by all means go along with it. I have a question however. If she is such a friend as to be in your wedding, how come you weren't aware of the husband's jealous behavior earlier? And, if you did know of it, why did you ask her? Whatever you decide, I wish you good luck. Just do what you have to to make it YOUR day.

Answer 6

I would tell her husband that if he does anything like this at your wedding, he will be escorted out and not allowed to return. You aren't doing anything out of the ordinary at your wedding, so you should be allowed to do these things. Ask him if he'd be willing to compromise if you don't do the bridal party dance and all she has to do is walk with the groomsmen down the aisle. I didn't do the bridal party dance, so to me it's not a big deal. You could just invite the bridal party and their dates up there to dance. Most people would prefer to dance with their husbands and boyfriends anyway. And your friend should talk to her husband about this, too. She needs to put her foot down, because he is adding more stress to an all ready stressful time. You are now thinking about replacing her because of him. If you matter to her, she wouldn't allow this behavior to continue. On another note, I would be worried about his behavior. Do you know if he is abusive towards his wife? Because he seems very controlling, and that is not a good sign. Good luck with everything!

Answer 7

You need to talk to her about her husband. You do not rearrange your wedding around a phycho husband. Have your dance. Explain to her that If her husband can't act like a civilized human being then perhaps she shouldn't be in your wedding. Has anyone checked his meds lately? You might also want to advise her to get some counseling because clearly her marriage is messed up. Print this question and show it to her, she needs help for staying with a freak like him. You'll have a lopsided bridal party if she isn't in it but that's not a big deal. Your spare groomsman can dance with his wife during the dance and just walk down the aisle by himself. Good luck.

Answer 8

Drop the bm/gm dance (they rarely really want to do it anyway) and tell the offending husband that if he plans to be an *** then he is not invited and will be escorted out by the police if he shows up.

Don't even discuss it with your bm beforehand; she obviously can't handle the jerk anyway. Do it for her sake AND yours.

Once you tell him, if she is angry, give her the option to rescind her acceptance of the honor of being a bm. Don't worry about having uneven numbers for the service- nobody but persnickety snits care, so you shouldn't either. If even numbers really matter to you, have your mother up there in her place wearing whatever lovely thing it is she has already chosen.

Answer 9

holy crap!!! i've never heard of such jealousy. has your friend cheated on her husband before, if not then he might be cheatin' on her.

maybe you could just forget the bridal party dance. and as far as the walking arm in arm, hopefully he's full of crap, i would hope that a grown man wouldn't really beat someone up for that.

maybe you could have the minister have a talk with him at the rehersal. tell him he's acting like an idiot and his wife needs to be walked down the isle by a groomsman. he needs to be told to grow up!!!

Answer 10

I would suggest that you don't change your wedding. If you want them to dance together and walk arm in arm then do it. Tell her that she can't be in your wedding anymore and find someone who will buy the dress back from her. Remember IT IS YOUR WEDDING don't give up what you want for someone else.Good luck and many blessings for a happy and healthy life together as one!

Answer 11

Nix her as a bridemaid and tell her that you will allow NOTHING (including her jealous and controlling husband) to ruin your special day. You can do with one less bridesmaid. Frankly, I would hope she and her husband don't show up at either the wedding or reception! He certianly does sound troubled.