I was abused as a child?

Question

My mother used to beat me with a rubber hose and call me a retard until i was 23 and got my GED so could get away from home and work in a restaurant. Yesterday I was fired when i gave a lady the wrong happy meal and she called me a retard. I had flashbacks of when i was 20 and sat by the sprinkler in the yard while my mother smashed me in the head with the piece of rubber, telling me to stop being so ****** stoopid and finish school. I lost it and threw happy meals and mcchicken sandwiches all over the place and stormed out. What can i do to put my past behind me?

Answer 1

Try working at Burger King? I read your previous post and have a hard time taking you seriously.

Answer 2

You made a step towards the right direction by getting a job and getting your GED. Good for you, and congratulations. :)

It's not easy having verbally abusive parents, especially your mom. And it's hard to shut that person out of your life, but is you want mental peace, that is kind of what you have to do.

Work to gain financial independence and move away. This will be tough, but you have accomplished a lot already, so I know you will be able to. Tell your mother that unless she can support you, that you are given the ultimatum of not communicating with her.

And I suggest you go to therapy, because it really does help a lot. Especially seperating fact from fiction. For example, when your mother calls you a retard, you must keep in mind that it's just name calling, and she has no evidence, but wants to manipulate you by making you feel bad. It says nothing about how intelligent you truly are.

And remember, the past is in the past. It does not do you any good to dwell on it, or think of how you were abused. Your goal is to move away from your past, and away from all of that negativity, to a better place. And if you set your mind to it, you truly can.

Good luck, and I hope everything works well for you.

Answer 3

When you are alone do the following:
1.) Find the most pleasant memory in your life. Time, when you were completely relaxed, happy and so on. Try to remember every detail about this pleasant time.
2.) Now remember the time when your mother called you "retard". When you start feeling your emotions (anger, sadness, etc), associate this emotions with the most pleasant memory from the 1 step. This will make you feel much better the next time somebody remembers you the unpleasant moments.

Explanation: When amigdala in your brain detects situation, which is similar to something bad which happened in your life, it starts sending strong warning signals to your body to react. By doing steps 1 and 2 you will reprogram your amigdala, so that detected situation will be associated with more pleasant moments, than the one you had with your mother. By making this exercise every day, you will react much better in similar situations.

Answer 4

if your mother is still living write her a letter and tell her that you'll alway remember what she did, but you find it in your heart to forgive her. and leave it as that If she is dead go to the grave site and tell her that you forgive her cause I know that there is a hurt on both sides. and once you start to forgive you will be surprised how much of it lifts from you. Do not live in the past all the time she can never do that to you ever again or if she could you have the power and the rights to stop her. your smart, beautiful your not dumb or a retard.
that just tells me that your mother did not have a loving family herself it is not your falt or hers, she did not have the right kind of family to have it ingrained into her like so many familys I know do me and my brothers and my mom and dad we did everything as a loving family and once dad died 4 years ago mom lost most of her mind so now the brothers all 3 of us are stepping up and taking care of mom and each other. make new memories to replace bad ones and learn how to use bad memories to help others just like I do and I feel stronger for it

Answer 5

First of all, you had every right to be enraged! I would've done the same thing....not saying it is right, but I would have. You are older now and know that is okay to not take her critism and you shouldn't take that from anyone! Good for you!
How would she like it if someone called her a retard or one of her kids?

Second, you will never be able to put your past completely behind you. I have endured a lot in my past. But with the good and bad, it's why I am such a good person today.

The best thing you can do is to not be like your mother. Never call anyone a retard, stupid or idiot. I never have! I've called them plenty of bad names, but NEVER ever criticize anyone else's intelligence. It only reflects on your own, if you choose to do so.

Answer 6

hi there i read some of youre answers that you have got and they all offer the same advice as i would and have done get help this road to recovery will be a long road but i promise you sweetheart that every step that you take along it you are getting closer to being a suviviour and further away from being a victim ,of abuse i cant help but wonder if you now have any contact with youre mother ?i would understand if you said no ,get help and learn to move on and start believing that the rest of youre life is youres and no one will ever be able to hurt you like thatever again ......you take care and build youre self a fantastic future and find real happiness good luck xx

Answer 7

Well, first of all, that lady had no right calling you that. It's a happy meal, for goodness sake! Some people are just jerks! You may need to seek counselling over the chidhood experiences.They may help you so you don't relate it to your present experiences. Or just help you get past it. Good luck and God Bless you!

Answer 8

I'd suggest you attend counselling so that you have a better understanding of how your past is effecting your present and potential future: relationships, how you relate to people in general and your own self-esteem and self worth. Those last two items must have taken a shitt kicking...there's probably a lot of work that needs to be done so that you move ahead with your life.

Answer 9

you need to talk to an abuse counceler about what happened and how it has tramatized your life up until now. you can also take your mother to court and sue her for mental and emotional and physical distress, there are no limitations for abuse. i know its hard but its time to stand up to your mom if your going to take my suggestions. you are not stupid or a retard no matter what you have done, these are things your mother has put in your head because of her inadaqicies. you have done some things like finish school and your mother is jealous of what you have accomplished in life and you may not realize it but you are strong. you have made it so far and if you can stand up to an abusive and mean mom you can stand up to anything good luck to you

Answer 10

youre not the only person who has been abused. the important thing is that dont dwell on painful memories, get a move on. i know it's easier said than done, but you can do it; i just did. there is such thing as repression. think of the happy things that happened in your life. if flashbacks become too often, then seek medical help. Godbless! =)

Answer 11

There is nothing wrong with being upset that you got a crummy deal. That being said. The only way to love yourself is to forgive the past. You are a good person you need to love yourself. If you email me I will tell about my past. We can cry together.
Tell yourself every day you are loved. You are loved. I had to put all over my first apt signs that said "I'm a good person, and deserved to be loved" Good luck