Im 44. Feel dprsed 19 yrs old son dusn't rspct me.Alcoholic husband.What to do?Any sugetion?

Question

I am a partially handicapped working woman with 2 chldren. 19 yrs. old son doesn't respect bt 15 yrs. old daughter is my strength. Alcholic husband keeps my ATM (salary) card. At times I feel like running away from the world, putting an end to all my worries. Looking no hope except my daughter but she has also been suffering too much with activities & behaviour of both of them. Sometimes I want to go to such a place where nobody can search us. I am getting frustrated day by day with the behaviour of my son. Husband turns a blind eye even though he does not earn enough to take care of us.
Is there anyone who can honestly tell me what should I do to myself cool & calm bcoz I feel like going to be mad. I live in South Delhi.
May be someone show me the right path.

Answer 1

Your love must be tough. love shuld be shared on free of cost. so fix soe clear boundries betwen you andyour husband. any kind of encrochment in each other teritories can not be allowed. for eg as you mentioned exploitation of money by your husband. ask him to correct himself. if not cancel the ATM. you personally accept christ as personal saviour. so many families were tranformend by his loving touch. further guidence contct me through mail.

Answer 2

I think you need to take hold of yourself. First and foremost stop trying to run away from the situation. You are luckily a woman who I presume is earning and can look after yourself if it comes to that. I think you have problems in your relationship with your husband and son, which is quite sad. But then its also a fact which you must face. I do not know how long the situation has been like what it is now. But however I think a little patience and understanding could help. Your sons and husbands attitude and behaviour may be due to problems and tensions that they may be going through in their minds due to various reasons. If you could try and understand that maybe it'll help. Maybe just the fact that your husband doesn't earn enough could be the reason for his irresponsible attitude. You cannot change them. They have to change themselves. But your understanding of their problems may help. Ofcourse at the end of the day if things do not improve I think you have the option of opting out of this relationship. Whatever happens in the future, you must face the truth calmly with a composed mind and I am sure a calm and patient mind will show you the right way out of this situation. Life is constantly changing and challenges are thrown your way now and then. Today's situation will change, for the worst or for better, you'll soon find out.

Answer 3

Dear Lady,

I am very sorry to read your question. I cannot say it is a question. The real problem you are facing. How unfortunate you are. I have seen such things in my life. Life is like this. Everybody is not furtunate to have every happiness in this world of short stay. Don't worry.

1. You have to teach your husband his responsibilities by lodging a complaint with local police and the higher officers. They are having separate departments to deal with such husband and wives.
2. After that, you can file a case in a proper court of law. Please seek the advise of a lawer who deals with such problems.
3. You can send your alcoholic husband to rehabilitation centres with the help of the police.
4. The same thing could be done with your son who misbehaves with you.
5. It is your life, because nobody follows you in death.
6. You have to live your life on your own terms and conditons. Make yourself happy. If you are happy and OK, you can then think about others.
7. You have to ignore the senseless persons, whether he is husband, son or whoever for that matter.
After all life is short and you have to make it sweet. For that you can do whatever you deem fit, except taking law into your hands.
That must be the lost resort.

Answer 4

I was in similar situation except that I am a man and did not even have daughter as a strength. I suffered a lot too, but then I realized I can not take most of the suggestion that I get when I asked.
The only realization, that I need two meals and a peace, I left them (my wife and son) alone and created some space for me. May be if you want, you can chat with me at raju1432 on yahoo!

Answer 5

Lady I think first of all you should be strong and forceful, both with ur hubby and your child,
If they dont listen to you take police help, get them off ur back if instead of supporting you they are being leeches.
Tell them nicely that you now have friends who are very high up in the police and you certainly know a lot of people in the womens lib forum who actually want to take up your case, but you are holding them back,
Change your bank account and get a new ATM.card,
Try talking to your relatives and getting your son a job somewhere, so at least he can stand on his own two feet and look after himself.
better still, silently ask your company to give you a transfer to Bangalore or look for a job in Bangalore cause this is much like Delhi, and pack off with your Daughter and dont tell them.
They deserve that.

Answer 6

Dear Mam, There are thousands of words to give suggestions for your worries. There are hundreds of languages to give you solutions of your dipressions. But the reality what you are facing will not be change any of those words or languages. Be calm. Think whenever you have worries & spending time with your worries, do you think your worries been reduced..? Never . Then why you are spending time with your worries...? see if you spend sometime & thinking & worrying about your worries there after also you never find that your worries been reduced...? Then why you are still worrying..? Change your attitude...don't depend on any one that he or she will reduce your worries. Please don't get dipression or frustrate on your self. The life is filled with joy but you cannot feel it if you didn't it the way of joyfull living. For example: if you lost or kept some money in your house wardrobe & you fogot where you kept the money. You are searching, searching keep on searching the money in your office cupboards, your children school bag & also your husbands trousers. Do you think that you will get it. NO...Then where you kept the money you have to find the right place in your house & find it. Then only you will get it. Likewise if you think you lost your happiness in your home. Then start searching it from your house. And please dont ask these type of questions to any one. Everybody in the word having problems may be not the same as you have but it might be different & probably more than you. So start live happily with your family & try to make other happy in your home. I hope you will start enjoying of living from this moment itself. Hapy living...& Wishes to your family.....

Answer 7

hello ma'am..de problem urfacin is somethin tat most married women in india face...2 start wit..i think u should try bringin ur son onto the right path..surely he s got some kind of a problem.. r probably some wrong influences..believe me..i m 19 yrs old...n no 19yr old will jus act lik ur son if he doesnt hav a prob....giv him a hug wen u c him..smile wen u c him..he cant keep behavin lik de way he is now if u "care" fer him..dont giv up on him..n once u get him on ur side...its goin 2 be 3 against 1..ur husband will surely realize his responsibilities,,,all de best..:-)

Answer 8

I understood u r educated. For any problem, the thing is how do u feel about it? I realized that u take this problem emotionally. Actually this problem and its side effects are not only yours but theirs also. Why, u only feeling bad?

The thing is you are emotionally (not a healthy approach) attached to people and incidents. You love others too much. You are in emotional bondage.

Free from all emotional bond(age). Be independent. Manifest ur personality.

Love all in a healthy plane-not in emotional plain. Give them the responsibility of their doings. You dont take it on your head. In your letter u said that u r thinking to go away from the world. Why u think like that is u havent identified who u r !!!. U r just living only. What is ur goal in this birth other that as a wife and mother?

Pls try to find out ur real self. If u understood what I mean and if it helped u then u can think about solving ur(others) problems. Better not to try to correct others and solvong problems. You betterto find ur own solutions yourself.

If u want any clarifications on this pls feel free to contact me - [e-mail]

Answer 9

you dont have to die for someone o miss you. put the two of them out. or you and your daughte could just move and leave the two problems alone. tough love. you are the provider anyway. you are bringing down the girl. dont mess up her life. the son is angry he needs counseling. he is upset at something that he is not getting or the fact that you are handicap. maybe even the fact that his father is not there for him. his disrespect for you is not tolerable. he is a young adult and needs to get out of your home. your husband is not a provider he need sto get the ghost cause he is more of a liability than an assett. no compassion or moral. an alcoholic cares for no one not even themselves. if you are dealing with a disability you need no more stress in your life than what you have. people only do to you what you allow them too

Answer 10

Firsltly talk to the hubby and child one final time to get their act together, next change bank communocation address to ur off add. Report loss of atm card. next approach AA and try to understand ur hubby problem and also a womens organization. There is strenght in numbers. Counselling both these ******** should work. You are fighter.... go get them. Cheers!