Have any of you ever experienced this state of mind?

Question

So this is my situation...and I'm wondering if I'm totally insane or if other people have the same problem...?

Never really had the balls to kill myself, even though I've wanted to for years. But I still think about how much happier I'll be when I die pretty regularly. Influences in my childhood were often negative so now I am almost always negative about things and I just found out recently that I actually don't have control over my emotions. I've been mean to people without even realizing it for years. I perceived myself as being nice as possible, but apparently I wasn't. I lost many relationships/friends because of this and I've had a bad relationship with my dad my whole life. My mom is the only one I really trust.

Been seeking psychological help lately, and seeing a psychiatrist. Still not really giving me motivation to do anything or care much. Still hate myself. I know I have no reason to, but I just grew up that way.

Answer 1

I hope the psychologist can help you. Perhaps you need some anti-depressants.

Answer 2

Hey man. I am no psychologist or anything of the kind but i can understand how you feel up to a point. I often feel as though i cannot overcome my emotions because of things that have happned in the past. But i certainly do not allow **** in the past to dictate my life. Ever heard of the old saying, **** happens and you just gotta role with life. Find a passion man. Everyone is good at something, everybody has to like something whether it be cars, joggng, hiking, biking, building homes, collecting etc. You get the point. I just realized this. An epiphany, I know. You can't blame people for the way you feel since you are the only one who can decide whether you wanna be happy, sad , pissed. Whatever. Nothing is ever worth killing yourself over. You think life is short now, what'll happen if you end it? How does that resolve anything?

I bet somewhere inside you, you still have the tiniest bit of hope that things will get better, they will improve. I know this because if you really wanted to take your life, you woulda done so a long time ago. All feelings put aside. Wouldn;t be talking about it now. You really wanna make yourself feel better, try serving the community, people less fortunate than you, people with real hardships. Maybe even people older than you. Ever glance at the situations outside the U.S.? Starving children, poverty, aides, lack of education. People there would kill to have half of what you got here. Guarantee it. It is a priviledge to be here and you can thank the good lord for that. I don;t have the answers to everything and i wont even try to think that i do. All i know is that we were put here for a reason...trust me, God didn't create trash. You're worth something, pick your head up man, if suicide is your last resort then what have you got to loose? make a difference in this world, embrace the journey, after all, it's really just one big adventure....with lots of curve balls.

Answer 3

I have had the same experiences in my life. You say you don't have the balls to end your life but you can't quite go through with it. This does not make you cowardly, somewhere inside you obviously has some hope of recovering from your present state o mind.

You are definately not insane no matter what any insensitive people may tell you. From what you've described, you seem to be suffering from clinical depression, you probably already have that figured out.

You sound like you have a close reltionship with your mother which is great. Very important, communicate how you are feeling with her or anyone you feel comfortable with, even if you don't feel much better for talking to them, it helps those people understand what your going through a little better.

As for the councilling and treatment etc. don't do something just because you're told to. Everyone is different in dealing with things. Sometimes, councilling or medication can make you feel worse for having tried so just do what you can cope with. If your coucilling is okay for you, just remember that these things take time to heal.

Another one of your issues may be with people like your father. Don't be afraid to tell him what happened with you and maybe you could try getting on with him better. Even if you still can't get along with him, at least you know that you will have done your best with him.

In the mean time if you don't get out of the house much, try listening to nice, calming or cheerful/upbeat music. You could also try watching cartoons, or some sort of funny tv. These things always perked me up, even if only for a while, every little helps.

Just remember, you won't feel like this forever and just hang in there.

Answer 4

I think that state of mind exists for many now adays, however depression also is a trend nowadays as well, so people not afflicted with it would have a lot of trouble taking some people with legitimate depression seriously.
But I know some people like you, you're not insane. Just human in a different way. Life and reality and based largely on perception. Life is quite personal, and thus Truth is personal. So you can't look at what you see and what you feel from the standpoint of "is this normal", because it's an unnecessary question. You just need to find some positive things that have weight to them. There's no one answer, maybe you can see things differently, maybe not. I wish you the best.

Answer 5

Give yourself some time. Keep seeing your doctors. If you are seeing a psychiatrist you may be taking meds. Make sure you take them regularly and if you don't feel differently within the time frame they are supposed to be working, say something to your doctor. Different meds work better for different people.
You may feel your emotions are out of control at the moment, but with continued therapy you should begin to feel better. Don't concentrate on the past. Yes, it helps form who we are but the past doesn't control you if you don't let it. There is absolutely nothing you can do about the past except learn from it and say "I'm sorry and I'm trying to do better now". Look to the future and all the possibilities it holds.
You are doing a good job by seeking help. Keep it up. If you ever feel you are an immediate threat to yourself, please seek help right away. Tell your mom and go to the emergency room.

Answer 6

This is a serious question and so I will give you a serious answer with life and conciseness and the added effect of emotions, everyone struggles to come to terms with who they are and for some if not most they are always asking life can be hard sometimes, sometimes really really hard and the emotions do not help. I have felt the same and a lot do I have taken steps towards such a silly goal before I was who I am now, I guess over thinking things can lead to such thoughts or depression. As Life is fleeting and you have one precious chance of experiencing it, it is truly the saddest waste of all to actually consciously chose to take it away, and from yourself, we don't have long, well apart from me I have decided to live forever, so its best to always do one thing remember life being life it is constantly changing and sometimes you go through hard times but they will always help you to appreciate the many good times to come,love, learning, finding little piece's of your self every day learning you can always do more its you that can make it happen you never know whats around the corner gotta take the good with the bad but it is "with out it sounding to obvious" all worth while. take it easy dude
and remember life is meaning

Answer 7

HI, i can sort of relate to how you feel, i grew up with an alcoholic father and my mam always went out every night with my dad she says it kept the peace but i wonder, i was left age age 10 upwards to babysit my 2 younger brothers. I met my hubby by 11 ,was married at 18. Then i suffered with depression due to death of my prem baby.I took a long time to come to terms with but never got over it.I recently had a bad few years in which dragged me down, i went to doc who put me on anti depressants and said i was on the verge of a breakdown, it was caused by being left to cope alone with my kids while my other half had been up to no good.If it wasnt for my kids i proberly would have topped myself cause the pain was unbearable.I am now mostly over it all i had to get tuff and learn that i can only rely on myself.Im a stronger person now and even though im still with my hubby i dont think i will ever trust a person again and i never ask for help i just cope and deal with it.I had been too trusting and id been a walk over, my advise to you is learn to love yourself realize you are worth it and see all your good points not your bad , dont let anyone tell you how to live your life do things for your own reasons.Stop focusing on how nice it would be to not be alive and start really living think of all you want to do and do it, you will have a reason to live if you have goals and dreams.I hope you find your peace and fulfill your dreams and live a long happy life, just think there is always someone out there who is worse off than you.

Answer 8

You need to go visit the children's ward of the nearest hospital. Watch the kids with terminal cancer as they try to enjoy what's left of their lives knowing they have no future. You're healthy and have been given a gift that many people would take from you any time. Your life is precious and you scoff at it and want to throw it away. I just had a beautiful couple of minutes on a flight from California to Chicago. It was dark and we were flying above the clouds. Suddenly I noticed lightening striking below the plane. I started to panic, thinking this was it- the lightening was going to strike the plane and it was going to crash and we'd all die. Then I noticed the full moon shining on top of the clouds and it looked like freshly fallen snow. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen and a sense of peace came over me. I thought that if I had to die in this moment, I was fine with it because I had just seen the most breath-taking thing ever. As we passed through the clouds I cried because I knew I would never see anything like that again. What were the odds that I'd sit on that side of the plane? That I would be looking out the window at that moment and not sleeping or reading a book? I needed to see that for my soul. I've gone through a lot of crap in my life and my own mother tried to commit suicide. So I have a lot of feelings about the subject. You won't be doing the world any favors by stepping out. If that's the way you feel, then you need to go to that hospital ward and volunteer your time. Maybe you won't be negative about your own little problems. Maybe you'll find yourself being nicer to yourself and then nicer to other people. Don't mourn the relationships that are lost. Make new ones. There are lots of lonely people in the world who need a friend. But first, be a friend to yourself. I hope your therapy helps you.

Answer 9

I can relate to this, do you feel like you don't really know what the problem is, just that something isn't 'right?' I don't think that you are a bad person, you weren't INTENTIONALLY mean to people, you did not go out of your way to hurt people like some do. It takes more courage to LIVE when you are unhappy, getting up each day and dragging yourself through each day takes guts, courage and strength. You haven't given up, even though you want to. That is a sign of real bravery, well done for that! Please ask for Cognitive Therapy, that is a process of changing negative thoughts to positive. I think this will help you. Don't be so hard on yourself, you are trying to get help, to change things around, it isn't easy admitting that you can not do it on your own.......another sign of strength. I'm sorry that your past experiences in your childhood were negative, when things happen when you are young it shapes your adult life, makes you who you are. I'm trying to learn from my childhood experiences but it isn't easy to let them go, they burn deep like a branding iron. I wish you all the best for the future, please keep talking to the doctors, and remember, no-one knows what tomorrow will bring. I hope that it is a brighter day for you and you wake with a lighter heart, Spirit and less troubled mind.

Answer 10

Til recently I had a similar thing going on.... one thing you need to do above all else is remember, the past is the past and you cannot change one single thing that happened in it, no matter how much you worry about it and wish you could. Half the battle is realising that. I spent years re-living my past almost like a groundhog day of the mind, you tend to get stuck in there. Until you take on board the only real thing you should concentrate on is your future nothing you do will really make much difference. It sounds stupid, but I wrote my past down from as far back as I can rememeber.... once its out there for you to read over and analyse properly you might understand just what it is thats held you back and be surprised that you've let it for so long...I did.
I can really relate to how you feel... Good luck with it....

Answer 11

Please seek counseling! This world is a great place to be with all kinds of great opportunities. yes I have been where your at. If I had ended it all I wouldn't have had the joy of the great kids I have now! I am planning a World Tour as a drummer for an awesome band, if I were dead I wouldn't have that!! The past is gone all we have is the future. If you end it you don't even have that.
Seek proper counseling, hell email Dr Phil if you have to but get help. Later you will be so happy you did I promise!
This is not about Sex but I am going to use it as an example. I learned early if you wanted good sex you had to give as good as you got. If you wanted OMG YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS sex you had to give 200%! I know one lady that went through most of her life without an orgasm. She never tried to please her husband because she was selfish. As a result she got no better than she got! Life is that way. If you give you will be amazed what you get back! Life can be so sweet but like a pie you have to add the sugar! God bless you and good luck hun
DLM