We have two children together, luckily he lives out of state. Sometimes he is very normal and other times he is completely irrational and controlling. I used to be filled with anger at him but now try to forgive and see the best in him, but then get blindsided when he is a jerk. I try to choose my battles wisely because I never know what will set him off. He still acts like he possesses me. Should I let him think I am seeing someone? What can I expect from him when I actually am? I just want to get away from him and never see him again, but with two kids, I have to deal with him. Is there a pattern for narcissistic behavior/reactions?
2006-08-17 17:58:27 · 8 answers · asked by Mos 3 in Health ➔ Mental Health
It is definitely a control issue, my baby's father was the same way, and when I moved out of his house, I thought I was going to become another Lacy Peterson. Seriously. I know this sounds horrible, but you have to be a complete b*tch with him. The more he thinks you won't stand up, or even JUMP up, makes him think he can get away with more. Now obviously, there is no correct way to deal with someone so irrational, so I just wanted to tell you MY method.
2006-08-17 18:04:32 · answer #1 · answered by PerfeclyImperfect 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Without knowing more about the situation, I think it is likely that if he believes that you were seeing someone he would become jealous and act even more controlling, possibly going out of the way to create more interactions with you as well.
Depending on how well adjusted he is this could burn off and he may move on, or the alternative is that it could turn to anger, a sense of betrayal, and passive-aggressive behavior.
In either case I would recommend minimizing your interactions and being very clear with him about your position. I would also be very careful to avoid getting the children caught in the middle of this.
2006-08-17 18:11:26 · answer #2 · answered by Shofix 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Deal with him as little as possible, give him as few details about you and your routine as possble, and do not engage in any discussions or other exchange that would allow him to believe you are still attached. Be clear, calm and brief. Do not fall for his attempts to control you and or goade you into any heated debate, argument or discussion about it. Just change the subject and say goodbye as quickly as possible.
Narcissism can lead to other conditions like sociopathic behavior and that will make him more dangerous. Do not lead on that you are seeing someone as this may enrage him or make him jealous enough to try to hurt you, probably through your children. Seek a restraining order if necessary. Good luck.
2006-08-17 18:08:09 · answer #3 · answered by hrh_gracee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You mean there are some that aren't? He needs, from time to time, to be reminded you are not property, and most definitely not HIS property. You need to get on with your life as a mother and a woman. Don't rush from one bad relationship to another. Find out who you are. What do you like? What are you like? "Will the real me please come out"? I found lots of help from - tah dah - self help books, tapes, etc. They have many at my library. It made me a more complete person. It also allowed me to realize I'm a pretty super gal, and that those I share my time and life with are lucky to have me. That isn't bragging. I am a good person and a good friend. It is just that I now know that, with no 'false modesty'. I say what I mean, but try to say it nicely. You have had enough of that other garbage. Now understand you don't need it and you will have a good and happy life. You deserve it! Be Blessed.
2006-08-17 18:14:56 · answer #4 · answered by Sweet Gran 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right to choose your battles, but on this topic I think it best to tell him straight up that sometimes he acts like he owns you when in truth you're not even married anymore. Tell him that, even though you have two children together, that's all you have in common now. He is not privy to your personal life, nor are you to his. That when you talk, the conversation should be centered around the kids and that's all. I hope it helps. Good luck!
2006-08-17 18:04:35 · answer #5 · answered by Mama23Girls 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ignore him , try to avoid any conversation with him except if connect with your children do not discuss anything about your life if he call you , ask what he want if connect with your child just talk to the point only the rest outside your children interest just tell him your busy or got thing to do .
2006-08-17 18:13:59 · answer #6 · answered by N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm not married, but I have a control;ling girlfriend. I'm affraid to do anything wrtong, or she snaps, which makes me snap, worsening our relationship. Don't put "lables" on things like your life. It only defines everything a certain way. Relationships are too complex to say, one or the other one is wrong. It takes 2 to make one relationship.
2006-08-17 18:06:42 · answer #7 · answered by palon1957 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry.No experience on this.
2006-08-21 05:46:46 · answer #8 · answered by sulaiman s 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋