Can you pray for me as I feel evil?

Question

I was raised catholic. I went to a born-again christian church 8 years ago but left after 2 years. I don't know why I left. I was bored and felt so isolated there. So I left for what I thought was the good life -partying with friends, dating men, trying to stay skinny, chasing a life I thought I wanted but realized was just empty and shallow. I became obsessed with psychics and paranormal stuff and spent a lot of time on those beliefs. I married 3 years ago and have a baby now. I even baptized the baby catholic to make my mother happy even though I no longer consider myself catholic. I feel sad every day. My heart is heavy. Years ago I had an abortion & I spent most of today looking at pictures of aborted fetuses on the internet. How could I have done that? I hate myself. I think about suicide all the time. Self-hate is killing me. I want to find christ again and go to church. My husband says the people are hipocrits at my old church & doesn't want me to go.

Answer 1

Get a grip. You have a baby to take care of now. Get off the pity train. Start thinking about the people that are in the military that are fighting in Iraq so you can sit on this site and have pity for yourself. think also about all children that are being abused every second of the day.
if you think Christ is going to help you I don't think so. You must help yourself first. I have been through way more crap then you are even speaking of. Find some one to confide in. Write a diary of the feelings thatt you are having. Review them. then start writing negatives and positives in your life. then make a simple course of action that you feel would make you feel better about yourself. Think of your baby.
i was raised roman-catholic, but do not practice it. Look with in yourself and find your own higher power.
really read this and not with contempt.
Good luck you can find a way to deal..

Answer 2

Lalalisa, the most important thing you need to know is that God has already forgiven you! If you have asked, He has granted!! (And if you haven't, do it now! That's all it takes.)

One of the hardest things I have had to deal with in my life has been my guilt. But the great thing about God is that he has the capability to ERASE sin! Not only should you no longer feel guilty for what you have done, in God's eyes, it didn't even happen.

It sounds as if you have changed your life for the better, and that is what counts. Just ask your husband for some understanding-tell him that it is really important to you to find a church and get back to God.

Please, please don't ever think of suicide as an option. Seek help immediately when you have those thoughts, because your little baby needs you more than you will ever know.

You can start your whole life over, right now! You don't have to go back to your old church, either, unless you feel comfortable there. There are many churches out there that would be happy to have you. Maybe you should ask God to help you find a church, and then seek out the pastor. Talk to him about how you have been feeling.

I have already said a prayer for you, and I know that God will help to heal your heart. If HE has forgiven you, who are you to deny his forgiveness? :)

Answer 3

Ok, lets start by deciding where it is in life that you want to be. Better, what religion. Once you decide that then search churches. You need to do whats best for you not your mother, father or husband. If you feel this way then its not good for you and definately not good for you child. Dont raise your child catholic if that isnt what you are because one day your child may be asking this very same question. About the abortion....I personally dont believe in abortion unless there are very heightened circumstances but what is done is done. You cant bring your baby back. My daughter just died 7 months ago and I long for her everyday but the fact remains that she is w/ god. Think of your baby in that way. When you get depressed like that thinking about suicide over the abortion, think about this....would you rather your child be in heaven lookin down on you or here going thro this w/ you. You dont want that for your child and I know you dont b/c I am a mommy and your crying out for help before it affects the child that is here now. Look for positive people to put in your life and until you get your life straight, live strictly for you.

kandi

Answer 4

The first thing you have to realize is that God loves you... Despite the fact that you had an abortion. Having an abortion is, as you have discovered, a very cruel operation. Another thing I think you should know is that the baby that you aborted is now in heaven. He/she is with God in Heaven this very moment. God will forgive you for having that abortion is you ask him to.
The people at your church could very well be hypocrites... but remember, not all churches are good examples of Christ. My advice for you is that you read your Bible and find out what Jesus was really like... If you do that, you will soon discover that Jesus loved you so much, that he died a very painful death on a cross, just so that you wouldn't have to suffer in Hell. He died on that cross to pay the fine of sin. You see, you broke God’s law, and the penalty for breaking the law is an eternity in Hell. But Jesus died, and paid your fine... all you have to do is accept his payment... Tell Jesus that you believe that He died on the Cross for you and that He rose again three days later. Tell Him that you want him to come into your life and apply his blood to your account of sin. Jesus will listen to you. Then continue reading your Bible, and find a church that teaches Christ… and preaches out of the Bible. I hope that helped you, and I will pray for you.

Answer 5

You have to learn self forgiveness. This is a hard process but you DO love yourself because you are still alive. You are a strong person.

Don't forget that all souls have something special about them. I recall a rabbi saying that all souls are pure no matter what! Therefore, G-d still loves you and has blessed you with a wondeful child.

I am sorry to hear about your past abortion but that was then, you have to make the choice to live now for your child. I recall another rabbi who said that G-d wants us to choose life over death. Choose life by filling yourself with love and warmth.If you live in guilt it may lead to depression wich may casue a negative impact on your newborn when he gets older...for him, be stronger.

As maybe you have guessed (my rabbi talk) I am not a Christian but I sugest you go to the Christian church of your choice. You will find much support from the community and the preacher will most likely be genuine and supportive. Find the church that you feel most comfortable with.

Pray to G-d that He fills you with love for Him. That is a special gift, to wake up every morning and have your first words be "G-d". Don't tell Him you love Him untill your heart feels it like a fire within.

If you also want the same love for Jesus, ask G-d to give it to you. I recall that Jesus said that If you ask his father in his name, the father will deny you nothing, if it is in his will.
Thereofre, G-d WILL help you if you ask because He is kind and loving.

No matter what you did in your past, He still loves you and understand you better than you think. YOU ARE NOT EVIL! Rememebr that you are created in His image and no human has the right to ever judge you no matter what!

To finish off with another quote, the Luvavicher Rebbe said that:
"Every soul is a diamond"

Answer 6

My prayer for you, and a good one for you to use for yourself:

Is there any remover if difficulties save God? Say: Praised be God. He is God. All are His servants, and all abide by His bidding.

--The Bab

(A Farsi title, pronounced "Bob"; just as Jesus' title was the Christ [the annointed], Jesus said when He returned he would return through the door or the gate. This is the door or gate of which He was speaking.)

This prayer says that everyONE and everyTHING serves God; and if you say this prayer, regularly, you will begin to see everyone and everything begin to come together to support you.

You are just "looking for the Face of the Friend (God)". You will look everywhere; and happily, somewhere, you will find Him.

That's what you've been doing searching in everyone and in everything, looking for God. So far, you haven't found Him; but, he IS to be found. Don't give up your search.

It doesn't matter that you baptized the baby Catholic. It makes no difference. The baby will have its time to discover what it believes. The important thing is that you are a Godly example to the baby until it reaches the age of reason (15), when it can choose,for itself, it's path to God.

Please investigate my source. Perhaps, there, you will find "the Face of the Friend:". Check it out. If it's not what your soul is looking for, no harm done. Baha'u'llah, the prophet-founder of the Baha'i Faith says that every soul has the capacity to recognize truth. If people warn you against seeking with an open heart and an open mind, with neither love, nor hate in your heart, that's okay. Just pray to God to guide you unto truth. Ask Him to guide you away from untruth. If it is the truth you've been looking for, it's positively LIFE-changing!

I was in your condition about 38 years ago, when I "happened" on to the Baha'i Faith. Within two (2) months, I was a changed person, and the ride has been spectacular.

You had the abortion before you knew better. You are not accountable for ignorance; only for what you know.

Now, hating yourself IS a sin. You were made in the image of God. How can you be evil? How can you hate that? Your baby is waiting for you in the next world. It is even with you now, though you can't see it. Just as the mineral kingdom isn't, really, aware of the vegetable kingdom, an the vegetable kingdom isn't, really, aware of the animal kingdom, and the animal isn't, really, aware of the human kingdom, we aren't, really, aware of the spiritual Kingdom, of which we are apart; but, just as WE are aware of the lower kingdoms, animal, vegetable and mineral, your baby is, very much, aware of you, and the kingdom you currently inhabit. Talk to it, tell it how much you love it, how sorry you are, and that one day you'll be together in the spiritual Kingdom.

Suicide--also a sin. You're just looking for something to make sense, for purpose, for your life to mean something. Once you find that thing, you'll come to life, you'll be able to give to yourself, your husband, your child, everyone in your life.

Just keep looking. You'll find it; then, your life will begin!

Please check into my source, below, and email me at [e-mail], if anything I've said is helpful. I pray to God before I answer any of these questions, because I want my ego to get out of the way, so that He answers the questions through my fingertips. I try to become like a hollow reed from which the pith of self hath been blown, so that God's words may reach you. Like a microphone. But, of course, only a Divine Messenger has NO ego; so take what I say with a grain of salt; but, please DO investigate my source, below for truth:

I shall keep you in my prayers.

You are going to be alright. You are a sincere soul. I can hear that in your words.

Answer 7

Its those hard times that make you stronger and although you might have made some mistakes, that doesnt make you a bad person. By what you wrote, you seem very sincere. Try to give your baby a happy life. I'm sure that those suicidal thoughts are tough to handle but maybe you can try reading the Bible on your own, meditating and applying the things you read. Draw close to God in prayer. I hope you find the strenght to you need.

Answer 8

Dont kill yourself!! I will be praying for you!! Its the devil trying to make you feel bad about what you did, and if you repent of your sins, God will forgive you. I think you should go back to church and try to get closer to God, and try to get your husband to know Christ. Just be happy you know what you did was wrong, but if you act now and take a closer walk with Jesus, one day you will see your child again. Quit looking at the pictures on the internet. Find a new hobby and take you-time. Jesus will fulfill all of your needs and only true happiness comes from him. You will be forgiven, but you have to let the past go. You can not hold on to what you did. Let it go, and accept God's grace and i will be praying for you

Answer 9

I am not a religious person but this is what I recommend. First stop looking at those pictures, whats done is done, there is no sense beating yourself up for something you now realize was not the right thing to do. Then you must seek Christ and if you truly need him he will come to you. Organized religions are BS for the most part but Jesus is real. Just ask him for help, and mean it.

Oh, and yes, I will pray for you.

Answer 10

You will find Christ Jesus again by getting into your bible. Please get a King James Bible - the other versions are based on corrupted manuscripts. You may contact me through here (Answers) or if you have a 360 page, Come visit my 360 page and say hello. I will add you as a friend, and then I and my other Christian friends can keep you encouraged and in fellowship daily. Come! We would love to have you and help you and hug you!

For IMMEDIATE comfort and peace, tell God that you renounce all psychic, paranormal, and other forms of demonic activities and you submit yourself wholly- spirit, soul and body - to the LORD Jesus Christ. Ask Him to come into your heart and be LORD of your life. He's waiting for you - and you know you are ready. God bless you, precious one. Shalom, Jan