Should I marry him and his family or run?...help!?

Question

I have been dating my bf for 2 yrs and he proposed! Hooray! Well his family who knew he was going to propose a month before he actually did, who was ok w/me before now will not get over the fact that i had a previous relationship a year before I met him where I lived with the guy (his sister found out from a friend). I told my fiance my past on the 1st date and have never kept secrets. He knew it was a mistake of mine and everyone has a past shameful as it is or not. I love him to death but I dont want the hatred of his family as a burden for the rest of our lives because he is close to his family and I don't want any fueds because of me. I love his family but they wont give me the chance to show how much I love him and want to be w/him and take care of him for the rest of our lives. It breaks my heart, all I do is cry...the worst thing about it is that now we aren't going to have the wedding we wanted in a church or reception because his family wont show and would just break my heart.

Answer 1

well his parents are probably just worried for their son and want him to make sure he marries the right person. but its not up to them who he falls inlove with and its not up to themwho he marries.
you dont have to prove your self to his parents. just proving to your fiance that you love and and are devoted to him is proving yourself to them also
if u are so worried about this talk to your fiance about it. ask him to sit and talk with his parents, when they understand how much he really loves you, they will see that he is happy and he is old enough to make his own choices.
if your fiance can prove to his parents that he he happy maybe they will be too.

Answer 2

My heart goes out to you. I can only imagine how much this hurts you.

I would really like to know the answer to this question. Are his parents this way towards you because they claim to be "christians?" "bible thumpers?" ..something of that nature? I will save my comments on them until I know the answer to that question.

Alot of people will probably rush to the judgement that your man is a horrible dude for allowing this to happen, I hope that you aren't one of them. He is an absolutely horrible position. Having said that, he doesn't deserve a free pass here. He has to convey the situation to them, and, if they won't treat you and him with the respect you deserve, it is probably time to seperate from the family for a while.

I don't care if it was a mistake, right or wrong or whatever, his family has no right to treat you bad because you lived with another dude. It is none of their business. Even if they don't agree with it, they should keep it to themselves. Furthermore, if they love their son and you make him happy, why would anyone who loves their child want to drive a wedge between their child and happiness?

Look, I know just as well or MORE than anyone how harsh in law's can be. I experienced both sides of it. Fortunately, I never experienced anything as ridiculous as this. Matter of fact, this is so ridiculous to me that it makes me think that there is much more to this story than what you revealed. I am still not saying that whatever it might be is a viable excuse for their behavior, unless you did something horrible to them, their son or some other family member.

Seriously, I want to know if the parents are treating you this way based upon their church beliefs. If so, I have a diatribe for that!

Don't beat yourself up over your past. You did what you did. You aren't any less of a person because of that, and don't let anyone make you feel that way.

I wish you the best.

Answer 3

You are right to be concerned. What does your fiance say? Has he spoken up in your defense? Has he told his family that they are the ones who will lose because he is devoted to you? Has he told them that he will miss them at his wedding?

It is either a good relationship or it is not. Most everyone has something in his/her past that they would rather not have. I'm sure members of his family have "skeletons" to worry about, too.

As long as your past relationships left you with nothing more than bad memories - be very sure you won't be passing on any STDs - put the past where it belongs. If your fiance agrees, then plan your wedding the way you want it.

I would offer one suggestion, though...plan it for at least a year in the future and in the meantime, don't shack up. Live your lives as individuals who love and respect each other until you make the commitment official and legal.

Answer 4

Have you talked with his family? If they are holding something against you that happened before you met your fiance, and aren't willing to leave it in the past, you could have a VERY bumpy road ahead over issues that haven't even occured yet. And just the fact that he told them about proposing a month before he did, shows he is very tight with them. I think I wouldn't rush into that type of situation.

Answer 5

Run now, or end up lonely, what you did in your past is none of their business, not even your boyfriends, we all have past, and it makes me angry when I hear that people are upset over someone or something that happened before you new them.
And you should not be ashamed of having a relationship prior to his.
It doesn't sound like you are going to get any support from his family, and I am sure he doesn't want to lose his family, so if you stay ,you are going to have to be the strong one in the family.

Answer 6

Hey...just relax...at the end of it u n the guy will be living...
and its ur life...be happy and contended with what u r doing and then leave rest for the good!
Whatever happens happens for good... just believe in it and do what ur heart says!
if not their family then someone else will say something later, u cannot run away from the world...but u can let it pass... n cherish only the beauiful moments of life!

Answer 7

I don't know how into his family he is but i tell you this his family show know you are just human, and i know for a fact they are too. we have all made mistakes and i don't know anyone that is perfect. It should not matter to his family, the only thing they should care about is the two of you.. If they can't get pass it.....maybe you two could move away from them all and go to Vegas to get married. If you stay around his family they will destroy what you have with their ugliness

Answer 8

Don't give up your special wedding day because of his judgemental family. Have your wedding and if they have issues and will not attend then it is their loss. Chances are they will end up attending and will see how ridiculous they were. You have to stand your ground NOW. You can't let them think they will have control over your lives. Think how bad it will be when you all have children. You and your fiance are adults and should not be manipulated by nosey pathetic people.

Good luck!

Answer 9

RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN!!!!!!!!!!!

As fast as you can.

You do NOT need to inherit a "family" who makes you feel as bad as this one does. Believe me, you'll have enough issues to deal with anyway. . .you don't need to go into it with problems.

Frankly, living together these days isn't seen as that big of a deal. What is their issue? That you were "with" someone else, or that you were in a long-term relationship that ended? Do they think you have a problem with commitment?

You need to be with someone who's family accepts YOU for YOU and who doesn't have such high expectations. What if their daughter was being treated like this? Would that be ok, or do their high standards only apply to others?

Best of luck.

Answer 10

stop crying for a moment and read this. you see family can be so cruel. i know it means a whole lot for his family to be there as support but you need to let them know that whether or not they come you really love this guy and if they loved him as well they would come and support him. maybe his sister has some resentment against you....confront her....and sit with your hubby and hold a long talk. he'll understand....just trust God he will make things all better....it may take a while but it will come true if you believe.good luck.

Answer 11

first of all your not marrying his family you are marrying him yes it helps if the family excepts you but your willing to let him go becuase of them hell no dont you dare my husbands family didnt like me a first eithere because i am 4 yrs older than him his mom use to leave me dirty messages on the phone and his sister would tell me things about him and she thought that would get rid of me but guess what i didnt let them push me around and i married him one year later we have been married two years now and his family has now seen me for the great wife i am they also see how much i love him. they accept me for who i am and what i believe in and i believe in our marriage he is my life and i would do anything for him and his family.his dad dies three weeks ago and i think they really realized what a good person i am and that i really do care for them i also started calling her mom and she brags to everyone about me.so stick to your guns if he doesnt care what they think why should u and if you want to get married in a church than u do so everyone has a past and not all of it is good no matter who u are so dont let them make you think they are so damn perfect because im sure there are skelatins in their closet also good luck and have a great marriage