If molested by your older brother at the age of 5, and were about to confront him, would you tell your fiance?

Question

I feel the need to let her know why I hate him so much, but I don't want her to think I'm "damaged goods" or suffer from mal-effects, when, in reality, I've been fortunate to cope and heal over the years (aside from anger toward him). What should I do?

Answer 1

tell her.. if she is not going to marry you because of something you tell her like this.. then its not meant to be but definately tell her

Answer 2

The confrontation with your brother and the information sharing with your fiance are actually separate issues. You said you feel the need to let her know why you dislike your brother so much. That is all the reason you need to share this information with her. I cannot imagine someone having the "damaged goods" reaction. That would be really sad and would certainly be cause to reconsider how trustworthy and empathetic she could be over time. I would imagine she will hear the information and marvel at how well you have coped and healed from a great difficulty in your life. Moreover, it will help her to be more understanding of the spectrum of feelings you have for your brother.
Good luck with both of your endeavors.

Answer 3

First of all, How long have you known your fiance? How long have you known him before getting engaged? These are very important questions because when sharing things this serious you want to make sure the information doesn't go elsewhere. This is a personal manner and it cannot be treated lightly. The reason I ask is because a Fiance is someone you would want to share the most personal things in your life and because you haven't makes me think your not as close to him as you would like. He should ALWAYS be understanding and take care of you when it is needed the most. You have to go with your heart. Is this something you can keep witholding. I don't know who "WE" is in the sense of confronting him. Is this your parents? If it is just people in general and not someone close to you like family maybe it is good to wait. You decide because you are the one that has to live with it. Either way you might feel a sense of relief if you say something. I am sorry that this happened to you because it is a very terrible thing. I wish you luck and happiness.

Answer 4

Do confront him, but think about telling your fiance, you have to be ready for her reaction either way. I dont know her so I can not tell you but you do, will she support you? If she does love you truly she would no matter what you have gone thought in life and maybe this is a good way to know what she's really about before you marry her. If you decide to talk to her tell her how difficult it is for you to talk about this, that's why you havent mentioned it before, that you feel this is the right time because you are stronger knowing that she's there to support you.
Good luck
I hope your brother rots in hell

Answer 5

Telll her she can help u thru this if she is going to be your wife she will be there for u no matter what.. relationships are based on trust and if you tell her this will open a new line of communication with her..your not "damaged goods" dont feel this way its not your fault this happened to u..i think u should tell her and she will realize just why you hate him so much... hope this helped..

Answer 6

~~first off sorry to hear you went through such trauma as a child... second off, you are not damaged goods, and if your fience really loves you, she will understand that you were a victim that has become the victor. you have every right to be angry with your brother, and there may be times when the anger at him is overwhelming. it may help her to understand why you are angry, and should strengthen your relationship because she can then be supportive of your feelings. i would say if you feel you need to tell her, speak from your heart, be honest with her about your fears of telling her, look in her eyes, tell her you love her, and see how your relationship blossoms.~~

Answer 7

Oh my God yes! It needs to be out in the open now or you'll only be starting the marriage off on a bad note. Always be honest - especially where your significant other is concerned. Don't be afraid. You didn't do anything wrong. If she doesn't understand, then she's not worth it.

Answer 8

She would never think that if she truly loves you. Actually, sharing this part of your inner self could help to strengthen your bond because there won't be so much stuck between you. I say tell her. She said yes to marrying you and spending her life with you. She should be willing to stick by you through everythings.

Answer 9

most gurls would not judge u. if she did then get rid of her. bc he is not worthy of you. she will probaby have compassion for u. good for u for coping with ur feelings. ur brother needs to be comfronted. get it out and in the open. if u dont tell ur fiance about it, u wont feel completely set free. bc there will still be a big fat elephant in the room and on ur heart.

Answer 10

Yes.
She needs to be there to support and to comfort you.
If she thinks that u are damaged goods then u don't need her.
It is not your fault u had no control over the issue when you were 5 years old.

Answer 11

She's your fiance right. So just be like "Baby you know I love you and apart about marriage which were fin to step into is keepin it real with each other. Now don't take this the wrong way but I have something to tell you and if you love me like you say you love me you want judge me over something that happen to me in my pass" and then just tell her if you she can't understand that then mabe its not meant you know. Thats hard fact but thats reality boo boo.