My question is this. The brides parents will not pay for anyone on my brothers side of the family to eat or to drink. They will also not pay for the DJ, and only half of the wedding dress. They also will not allow anyone from my brothers side of the family to stand up in the wedding. I actually married his fiance's brother 2 years ago (If that makes sense... My husband's, sister is going to be marrying my little brother... They did it on Roseane, so spare the thats gross, because its not, were not even related that way)
My parents gave us a big wedding, and the only people that stood up with me were all of our brothers and sisters, None of my friends or my husbands. Does anyone agree with any of this? Should I say something to my brother? and how should I go about it? Should I even go to the wedding if my brother has to pay for it? Were not even on speaking terms with their parents. Its a HUGE mess, and I would rather my brother and my husbands sister elope. I just feel so bad.
2006-08-17 15:20:04 · 11 answers · asked by Dana 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
My brother is also a more laid back guy, he doesn't want to cause drama. and his girlfriend will do what ever her parents say. and she can be hurtfull when my brother does try to stand up for himself and especialy when its about her parents. I want to go to my brothers wedding, but maybe just the church part? or should I go to both? When we got married, his girlfriend was the only one who showed up to the reception... So maybe I should only go to the church? Although since I'am married to her brother, should the brides parents pay for me and my husband? or are we considered my brothers side???
2006-08-17 15:36:03 · update #1
I was 19 when I got married so I can't say much. I want him to be happy, and if marrying her makes him happy, thats great. How could I suggest for them to elope...? I also heard through the grape vine that he was told he better get married, because their spending alot of money on this wedding... If he doesn't want to get married how can I tell him its ok?! We use to be very close, but we seem to disagree more and more that its comming closer and closer to his bad day.... I don't want to push him away with telling him what to do, but I also don't want to see this day be ruined, like so many of mine have.
2006-08-17 15:38:42 · update #2
This is such an awful situation that you and your brother are caught up in. My initial thought is for your brother to run as far away as possible. Your brother's fiancee should under all circumstances defend your him and not her parents. The whole thing sounds like a proper farce and I truly hope that your little brother has enough guts to say enough is enough and to pull out from this marriage which sounds doomed from the start. I am sure that if he goes ahead with this that he will regret it for the rest of his life. You must find a way of confronting him to save him from what will be total misery. Give him all the support that he needs and do not allow your in-laws to continue bullying and dictating to him.
If your brother and his fiancee are not prepared to elope then this wedding must NOT go ahead.
I wish you all the luck in the world.
2006-08-17 19:18:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is not the bride's family's responsibility to pay for the wedding unless they choose to do so. Of course, that means they don't get a say in how the wedding is planned. Your brother can have whoever he wants in his wedding as long as it's ok with his fiance. Your parents chose to pay for your wedding so you had a big one, sounds like your brother is going to have a small wedding.
2006-08-17 16:41:49 · answer #2 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course you go to the wedding. You're going for him, not her parents. Her parent's sound like real pieces of work, but to be honest, he's lucky they're paying anything at all. Alot of couples need to pay for their entire wedding themselves. And guess what, they have no control at all over who is in the wedding party. That's entirely up to the couple. They both (your brother and his fiance) need to tell the parents it's their wedding. It's done their way. If her parents can't respect that, then her parents will not be asked to attend. They might pull all their money, but at least your brother and his fiance won't be pushed around on their special day. If they're old enough to get married, they're old enough to find a way to pay for the entire wedding themselves.
2006-08-17 15:30:21 · answer #3 · answered by Kanga_tush2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is her parents reasoning for not paying for the meal? Generally the reception is catered and it isn't like they could keep your side of the family from going through the line.
Sounds like this gals parents have issues. I would suggest your brother and his fiance save up money and have a small wedding. You may also want to check with your brother to see if he is willing to deal with them for the rest of his life. If not, perhaps he and his fiance should move very far away from her parents.
Good luck!
2006-08-17 15:40:38 · answer #4 · answered by Raspberry 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that since this is your brother and your sister-in-laws wedding that her parents should pay for everything and should have say so about sh** because they already ahd their special day. And if she getting married she shouldn't let her parents make decisions if she considers herself a grown woman. If this is supposed to be her big day she should feel good about her ideas for her wedding not her parents especially her mother ideas in her wedding. and if they can't agree and make things right then they shouldn't get married.
2006-08-17 22:30:29 · answer #5 · answered by starlight 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Despite your feelings of disagreement about the wedding-It is very important for you to go to his wedding to show respect and honor to him as your brother. I personally think it is the bride and grooms decision on many issues because it's their wedding-but I understand your feelings, because when my brother got married his bride only chose people from her side of the family to be in the wedding andd that sort of hurt my feelings. I am 31 years old and have never been in anyone's wedding party...
2006-08-17 15:31:08 · answer #6 · answered by vhcsmamma 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are they allowing this to happen? Are they accepting of this situation? What a crock! Parents and couple need to get together and discuss arrangements. Then again, if the inlaws aren't paying for the whole wedding, why do they get to make all decisions? our brother and his fiance need to speak up with their wishes and put those people in their place. Whose wedding is it anyway!?
2006-08-17 15:31:26 · answer #7 · answered by viclyn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From your post, I get the impression there is "hard feelings" between some people. Whatever it is, it sounds to me like this wedding is not approved by some. The fact that he is 19 tells me he is WAY to young to marry. I would say to him that something is not right here, and the idea of delaying the marriage is a good idea.
2006-08-17 15:32:27 · answer #8 · answered by acedelux 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
THE BRIDE AND GROOM SHOULD HAVE THE SAY IN WHO STANDS WITH THEM ON THEIR WEDDING DAY.
2006-08-17 15:27:05 · answer #9 · answered by deby k 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
they sound like they are twisted people why do u marry into stupid families like so
2006-08-17 15:26:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋