confused..?

Question

everybody knows me as this loving and extremely empathetic person and i try to convince myself i am but i always question it and then after a certain period of time i emotionally collapse i feel like i'm a total lie and i become totally unempathetic and hurtful towards others, even my boyfriend, and the worst part is i emotionally hurt them [indirect ways] to make myself feel better, i don't know why i'm like this or what i should do, any advice?

Answer 1

I think you are trying to make feel good every body around you and you are not happy. To be polite and empathy with people is a good thing, but you don't have to try 100% of the time to make happy others and you are feeling you are loosing energy and your patient.

Try to learn more about your self first, what are your needs what you like and what you dislike, be honest with your friends and relatives, you can be honest and be polite, you can express your feelings and thoughts without offend people.

You just need to learn how to do it. And if at any moment you say or do something and some one feels bad, talk to that person and apologize.

To act like you say in your question is not healthy for you dear, Open your mind, heart and leave your feelings flow out.

Good Luck

Answer 2

Well I just found me on the other side, I feel exactly the same, I went finally in many years, to see it Doctor about it, you would not believe she told me, by the way I do have a woman doctor, I do have an anxiety disorder, all these years I thought there is something wrong with me back according to this doctor, she told me I do have chemical in balance in my body she has prescribed a medicine which I took only for short time and I feel much better and I do not have to take this medicine anymore, you would not believe, how many people in this town, require this medicine, believe me me this medicine does r eally work, we are living in very stressful environment, our body does not accept all or cooperate with this dress this is the reason we need a little help from the medicine to put our body back in the track where we belong Mike

Answer 3

Well...

Gees...

Does your empathy hurt people or hurt you or is it beneficial?

Empathy, and I have some of it, is knowing a friend of yours is about to make a big mistak (like by moving away with a guy) and you tell them don't and are the ONLY one against it.

Two years later when they have a baby by the guy and get dumped on and are alone, all those who said:

"You're doing the right thing!"

"He's great!"

"Glade you found someone you truly love"

Are the one's in the wrong and you are the one in the RIGHT.

Sometimes it hurts to be right.

But it hurts less if you DON'T do something and a friend of yours commits suicide than it does if you DO DO SOMETHING and they live.

Empathy is a gift. You have to learn how to use it and live with it.

If empathy is so bad that when a friend of yours is sick that you become sick in sympathy, then IT IS BAD for you.

Empathy needs tolerance. In the first case, I'd say to your friend, I love you and I'm happy for you, but I know this thing is wrong and I wish you wouldn't do it. But I do love you, feel for you and will, relucatantly, support you. But I know in my heart what you are about to do is WRONG.

Now you've balanced things.

Short of knowing what your "empathy" manifiests itself as, I don't know what to say.

I actually had this situation happen and I was the ONLY one talking against the guy and I got STATIC from everyone and he made her pregnant and he dumped her and he didn't support the child despite the fact he was very well to do and one day she got angry and attached his house and when he found out about this he THREATENED TO KILL HER.

That's a guy who got SEX from her for a year and MADE HER HAVE A BABY!

She NOW knows I was more on her side than ALL her other friends combined.

She and I are the ONLY one's who know what a F--- this guy was.

But she didn't listen to MY inner feelings. She went and did what she wanted.

We were on the outs for over two years because of this and my insistance that HE was a jerk.

Now she and I are the only ones who agree HE was a jerk!

She went off with and made a baby with a jerk. I told her he was a jerk. It put us on the outs but I KNEW DEEP DOWN INSIDE he was a JERK.

I stood up for what I believed in, even if it meant losing a friend.

I am NOBODY'S YES MAN!

I don't brown nose.

When a feeling hit me, I express them, with no PC and in no uncertain terms.

Answer 4

Believe it or not you are not alone. I am the same way and what gets me is the fact when I reach out to help people, and they don't take my advice, I get frustrated and angry with them and then I become too critical of myself and lash out on others. There is nothing wrong with being an empathetic person and a encourager. But you must put limitations on yourself and accept the fact that everyone on this planet has choices. We each make our own choices in this life. You can give advice or lend an ear, but you can't "fix" what is wrong with people. It's like an old saying " you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink" well that is also the case with humans. You can give them advice, but you can't make them take it or you can't make them change to your liking.

It is natural to lash out on people, especially those whom you care about and love. But this behavior is dangerous not only for the party receiving the lashing but for you as well.

Feel good about yourself. Feel good about your good points and don't focus so much on your bad points. Acknowledge your accomplishments and feel happy about them. Feel better about who you are and don't think of who you aren't.

Take it from someone who just learned this valuable lesson. Your life will become so much easier if you learn what I said above. Good luck to you and I hope I was some what helpful!

Answer 5

i know how you feel. i think it's because it's some demons lurking around you. I'm not joking. demons like hate, indirect anger, jealousy, greed, lust. they exist in you, but you fight them which is good, and it's as if the battle wears on you sometimes and it manifests on your karma. the way you look, the way you talk, some can hear that you are emotionally tired. you just need an escape, a hobby.

Answer 6

it sounds like you are too sympathetic to other people and tend to shoulder other people's problems. This can be very stressful on your emotional state causing you to lash out. I have had the very same problem. I always try to help people solve their problems but after a while I start to feel really drained and end up yelling at people. Talk to your doctor he may be able to reccomend a good counsellor for you to talk to, Good Luck. just remember you can't solve everyones problems and it is not your fault.

Answer 7

It could be diet. See site below under mental issues with 2 uplifting stories plus info from 3 MDs.

http://phifoundation.org/heal.html

Answer 8

I completely agree with Sherrie. Worrying about others can eventually cause resentment. It's okay. Get some counseling and don't be so hard on yourself. You can't be nice all the time!

Answer 9

My advice:

Worry less about possessing certain qualities and make important the authenticity of your own feelings.

Answer 10

sounds like something called codependancy.. research it on the internet or read a book about it you will discover many things about yourself!