I've found out today that my boyfriend 'vents' about me behind my back. Thing is, he tends to yell & even went so far to say he hated me & called me a *****. He makes small things, into huge deals because he won't give me space when i'm annoyed at him & don't want to talk about it in public or at the current moment. I just need sometime to cool off you know? & don't want to say anything i don't mean.
I understand he may want to talk to friends to let his angry out..but he makes it seem I'm at fault & the bad guy everytime. Plus calling me names & such isn't too nice either. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but is this right? I'm very afraid of him. i don't want to confront him on this, or anything for that matter because he'll just get angry & do all that stuff he does.
Should I take the risk?
Dump him?
Is that what all guys do? Is it right?
2006-08-17 11:56:25 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
& he doesn't really talk to me about anything either. I just need to cool down, & instead of letting me do that, he'll go off, get angry at me & 'vent' before we can even talk.
2006-08-17 11:58:10 · update #1
What;s even weirder is...he'll wait till after he;s done 'venting' & then mention something to me about it.
& whenever he's not angry, he acts caring & lovey. which pisses me off even more. but we all have the same friends, which makes it very messy if i do dump him.
It's a big pile of crap.
2006-08-17 12:11:32 · update #2
YOU ARE FEELING HURT AND BETRAYED FOR A GOOD REASON.....
If he is your boyfriend and treating you like this, then HOW DOES HE TREAT HIS ENEMIES?
In a relationship, people have frictions. They butt heads and don't always agree on things. That's natural. But what they try to assassinate your character to hurt you, then it is soooooo wrong. Worse is when they assassinate your character to others. Other people only get the "bad" version of you and never the "good "version of you......this is highly unfair.
What they don't realize is that they're essentially holding up a big sign that says "I AM AN IDIOT, I HAVE BAD JUDGEMENT AND I HAVE BAD TASTE ON WOMEN". They feel "right" in their position, and seek "allies" to justify their own position.
NOT ALL GUYS DO THIS. JUST THE INSECURE AND IMMATURE GUYS DO THIS.
There is a certain intimacy in a relationship that should be preserved, secret, and just between two people. talking about things like this to toehrs betrays that trust and intimacy.....
WHEN YOU FIND YOURSELF TALKING ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS TO YOUR FIRENDS, YOU KNOW IT'S OVER.
Why would you let yourself become so emotionally invested in someone that you can't even say anything good about?
Dump him, move on.
Forgive him for his obvious immaturity and shortcomings. Thank him for teaching you a life lesson and showing you what kinds of guys to avoid in the future, and thank him for giving you some experience. Be grateful that he will become someone else's problem to deal with......
Move on with your newfound wisdom.
Date guys who's actions and how they treat you matches what they tell you. Date only guys who keep your relationship secrets. Date guys who don't attack you if they don't agree with you. Date guys who care about how you feel and show empathy.
Date guys who are so nice you want to call all your friends and brag about them......
2006-08-17 12:15:03 · answer #1 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow, yeah get rid of him, I could write a book about it ( actually I really might) at any rate he sounds like he is verbally abusive with a very short fuse and this only progresses. The sick part is he will always make you think it is your fault, God forbid you should get pregnant and then you will be in my position. Just end it now you will be better for it. Next time you will have a better idea of what kind of qualities to look for! Good Luck, you will get tired of being walked over. From what I gather not all guys do act like this. Perhaps after I have gotten my masters degree in say like 5 years, I might be bothered to find out. Right now I have been through enough, save yourself while you still can!
2006-08-17 19:06:17 · answer #2 · answered by doesitmatter 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, my dear, this certainly is NOT what all guys do! The main thing is that he will not talk to you. And if he can't talk to you and understand your needs are different from his, there seems to be very little hope for this relationship. If you are afraid of him, and he seems to know this & be using it against you, then I would suggest you put an end to the relationship. Mature adults talk to each other, not go off and vent to their mates about what is, after all, something which should remain private between the two of you. Good luck, whatever you decide to do.
2006-08-17 19:05:11 · answer #3 · answered by devildriver53 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Not all guys are like this. Most of us are a little more mature than that.
I would confront him in private about the issue and ask him to come to you first with any problems he might have with you, that would be the one and only warning you should give him to grow up a bit, if it happens again by all means get rid of the guy, sounds like he has some growing to do yet.
2006-08-17 19:15:59 · answer #4 · answered by shy_one964 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl if this guy cared anything about you he wouldnt be saying this stuff about you behind your back. I dont know what all was said but i can tell you this from experience.... I would personlay dump him and be strong about it and tell him that you are not ever going to get back with him unless he changes his ways. If he is begging at your mercy then he cares for you but keep him going until he says he will change then tell him if he dont then he will be gone for good. Trust me i know this from experience with seeing other people do this.... The guy doesnt care about you i think. So dump him and see what happens... Buy the way im a guy... Trust me i know these things... There is better men out there you just have to keep searching until you find that one...
2006-08-17 19:06:56 · answer #5 · answered by Candy Girl's Man 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell friends and family, break up, start all over again. Take time to grow in ways that will prevent you from picking and being a pick for someone like that again. Surround yourself with kind people who are fun and loving. Don't end up marrying someone like him. Especially don't have kids with him.
2006-08-17 19:02:31 · answer #6 · answered by *babydoll* 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he really doesnt care abot you does he? to me it seems that he is just using you to let go of some anger that has biult up in side of him. leave him before he hits you or worse. you cant stay in a relationship when he wont talk about it. there is just no point. take action now and leave him. you will be better off.
2006-08-17 19:04:41 · answer #7 · answered by been there done that 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you said your afraid of your boyfriend. Then wha would be your reason for staying with him? People don't change. I was in a few abusive relationships before and they all started out this same way. Get out before it's too late.
2006-08-17 19:02:49 · answer #8 · answered by turtlegirl0377 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Read the details you supplied again. Does this really sound like a mutually respectable relationship?
As a female, may I respectfully submit that you should embrace your self respect, self worth, pride and dignity and remove yourself from this toxic environment.
Just leave - no explanation necessary
2006-08-17 19:02:42 · answer #9 · answered by LadyRebecca 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
anyone who talks that much crap behide your back you dont need. Send him a letter in the mail about an anger management class with a note saying its over if you decide to end it. lol it'll sereve him right.
2006-08-17 19:04:00 · answer #10 · answered by Sublimebaby69 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋