When should i tell my granddaughter that fairies aren't real?

Question

I have been writing to my granddaughter as Fairy Lucy since she was 4. She writes back to me and emails me (as Fairy Lucy). She is 7 now and has said that her friends at school don't believe her when she says she has a fairy friend. I told her that they will never see a fairy, or have one for a friend if they don't believe in them.
She tells me all sorts of things because she doesn't think anyone else will know. When do you think would be right time to tell her it has been Nana all along? I love her so much and don't want to hurt her. I never dreamt it would go on as long as it has when i started.

Answer 1

I think this is a lovely story and I would carry it on as long as you can.She will eventually work it out for herself as she get`s older,but don`t spoil it for now.Perhaps you should tell her to keep it a secret from now on and not tell her friends,as you don`t want her being bullied.My own daughter was born with a very large birth mark covering half her face and when she was older she wanted to know what the marks were,so I told her that when she was born she was so beautiful that all the fairies in the world ,came and kissed her and left their lipstick on her face,for years she believed this to be true and always told everyone how lucky she was.She has since had laser treatment to block out the port wine birthmark,but for years she really missed it as it was part of her.Let your granddaughter have this fantasy for a little while longer,children grow up all too fast these days.Bye the way my daughter is twenty three now and she still believes she saw Santa when she was 4yrs old.!

Answer 2

Dear Fairy Lucy-

Don't take it away now, she will figure it out on her own! When she does make sure that you keep in touch with her. Maybe you could figure out a way to shift the relationship from fairy lucy to Grandma "Lucy". She's got to have a friend to trust. Maybe you as grandma could start to write her letters and emails(from a different e-mail address, so she doesn't figure it out right away) . So she will write to you both (since that's how she bonded with F.L.) Soon she may notice the similarities in what you write and what Fairy Lucy writes and discover that it was her loving grandma with whom she is also writing. Maybe fairy Lucy can slip something that only Grandma knew about. Make sure she knows that you love her and that you will keep her secrets and help her in rough times, which are fast approaching as adolecents is sooo rough.
Good luck!! She needs a confidant! And this will be a fond memory for her and for you!

Answer 3

What a fantastic lady you are!
You have plenty of answers to choose from, they all have a point or two!
I think the ones that touch on Fairy Lucy having to move on to another little girl is the best plan.
Farewell Fairy Lucy.... Why not write a real letter (as opposed to email) and post it to her with some "fairy dust or glitter" and a fairy charm for her to remember Fairy Lucy?
That would work, I think.

Answer 4

I totally agree with Gypsie.
She is only 7 bless her heart. She also isn't stupid.
She will figure it out for herself one day and she will love you all the more for not taking it away from her.

I think it is beautiful what you are doing. You must have a very special bond with her. I imagine once she has grown out of it all, she will still call you Fairy Lucy. It is a name she has come to associate with someone who has been her freind and confidant for many years.

My children believed so much in puppets. I found they came in very handy when the children had a problem they were embarassed about. They would talk to the puppet, even though I was working it. It made it easier for them and I was able to give them advice without it coming from me.
You may find that being Fairy Lucy will allow your Grand-daughter to tell you things she might normally keep to herself.

Keep writing to her as you have done for many years. I am sure she enjoys each and every mail she gets.

Answer 5

I've never seen the joy I see on my son's face when he talks about the santa he believes in on anyone else's face. We've also had a quiet fairy and be nice to your baby brother fairy. I don't think your granddaughter wants to know you're the fairy, especially if she believes in the fairy. You as the fairy can write her and explain that fairies aren't what they are in books. I'd say something like fairies are people who love you very much and want to help you so they call themselves fairies and help you secretly. You're probably old enough to know there are no fairies with wings so I'm telling you the truth. If you ever need me, you can still write me and I will still help you. You can call me Fairy Lucy or secret friend...word it and use your style, but I don't think you need to let her know it's been you.
I think one of things that children like about fairies and santa is that these are strangers loving them ie unconditional love. You as grandma "have to love."...(I think I've already "talked" too much.)

Answer 6

You have already hurt her by lying to her in the first place. As you can see, you have been partly responsible for developing in her a fractured sense of reality. Don't get me wrong... there is nothing intrinsically wrong with games such as these, but it is important that everyone who is playing knows it is a game! You know it is wrong, too, or you would not be writing here. But it is not too late to repair things.

Probably the best way out for you is to take a combination metaphysical and preteen approach.

Children of that age usually like to think they're growing up - they're not babies any more, after all, and they know it! They also know they're not adults, either, so you don't need to treat her as an adult, but you might get the ball rolling by pointing out that she is growing up now and she might be ready to understand things she didn't understand before.

The metaphysical comes with the fairies. You can tell her that fairies are real, but you cannot see them with your eyes, you see them with your heart. Some people have places for fairies to live in their hearts, and so they feel real to those people, while other people have hearts where other things live, and that's okay too. You can tell her quite honestly that this is the way it is with a lot of very important things that people believe in - they're not the kind of things that you can touch with your hands, but they are just as real nonetheless... things like love and freedom and even God.

Some people will say that there is no need to interfere in her childish fantasies, that you should continue lying to her until she calls you on it. But what sort of lesson does this teach the girl? That nothing you say can be trusted? If you care for this girl are are trusted by her parents, then it is your JOB to interfere! That's what parents and grandaparents do! You can guide her imagination into productive paths, help teach her the difference between what is so and what is not, and instill in her love and trust. A little girl deserves no less.

Hope that helps! Good luck to both of you! ( :

Answer 7

Well this might be a little difficult, but, I bet you if give anything a try, you'll be surprised what comes out of it. It has a beginning and it will definitely have an end. You started it and as such you must end it.

If you say you really love her as you claimed, then I guess the right time is now, cos, If she ever get to find out herself someday, you won't believe the amount of heartbreak you would caused her. And that would be more disastrous than you'll ever imagine. And you know what the trust would not be ther and to top it all up, you'll make her look like a fool before her friends and moreso a liar. So I say now is the right time as you don't have to prolong it further, cos she might still have the tenderness to forgive you now that her thoughts are still very innocent.

Good luck and Ciao!!!

Answer 8

I understand how you feel I have a 7 year old daughter. Why don't you write her as fairy lucy and tell her that you only write to little girls ,and tell her in the letter that she is a big girl now and doesnt need fairy lucy anymore. I suggest finding her a pen pal to write her. Could even be someone in her neighborhood. After she gets to writing back and forth to her new pen pal she will soon forget fairy lucy. Good luck.

Answer 9

Part of being a grandparent is that you are expected to tell these sort of tales, i only wish that the inner child was stil inside of me.

When she starts to get older she will soon find out for herself through friends and other people that she meets that there are no such things as fairies but you will always be the one that has kept this part of her alive, you can do this all throughout her life as you will always treat her like your little grandaughter wether she is 7, 17 or 27. When you pass on to the next life (like we all do) she will look at a picture of a fairy an d remember you, perhaps, when she is older tell her daughter story's of faries just like you did.

Life is a circle so keep it going, there is nothing to lose in hurting a childs dreams.

Answer 10

I wouldnt tell her it was you.
Send her an email saying something like "You are now old enough to know that Fairies don't exist" and explain (as fairy Lucy) that once you get to a certain age, its all over.

Maybe tell her on her 21st birthday that it was you, but dont go spoiling it for her. She's had a little magic in her childhood, you can take it away without taking it from her (if you know what i mean)