My son throws a fit because he don't want to go with his father what do I do?( PARENTS ONLY PLEASE)?

Question

My daughter and son go with their father (if that's what you want to call him) he only wants to get them when he wants to not going along with what the court has stated. My daughter has no problem she's 2 and my son on the other hand don't want nothing to do with him, he's 4 he says no and crys. He never really sees him. what is should I do?

I never say anything bad about my ex infront of my children and my son says he don't want to do because hee wants to stay with his mommy. My ex stays aways from him for months at a time then pops back up I push for my ex to have a relationship with his children but he says he can't because of a bunch of diffrent reasons.

Answer 1

Well, first off you need to INFORCE the court order, only allow him to have them when the COURTS say he can have them.

Second ASK your son what is wrong, why doesn't he want to see his daddy? Maybe there is something his father does that you don't or something he doesn't do that you do do that he doesn't like. Depending on his verbal skills he should be able to tell you.

Something else you can do is start telling you ex that this is very bad for your son, he crys and is very upset when he DOES show up and he needs to start showing up when the courts SAY he needs to show up. If this continues you may need to go back to court and possibly stop your ex from being able to take them and allow only supervised visits until your son gets use to him again.

He doesn't sound like much of a father if you ask me. My fiance hasn't seen his boys in 5 years because he lost contact with the mother, he still has visitation rights and we recently recieved a current address and he plans on sending her a letter to ask to see the boys and get to know them again. We are trying to get the money together to go back to court and change the visitation, it is currently at every other weekend and every other holiday. Because we live in another state we are going to need to change it to every other holiday and one/two month(s) out of the summer.

If he isn't much of a father, don't push him to have an relationship. He can't expect a child to open their arms to him when they haven't seen him in months. When he DOES "pop up" if it isn't "his time" to have the kids then tell him he is not to have them because it is not his time to have them as deamed by the COURTS, let him try to call the cops on you

Are you at least getting child support and have full custody, if not get it! My sister's dad doesn't want anything to do with her but at least pays child support, my father didn't care one bit to have a relationship or to pay, he is $42,000 in the hole for child support for me!

Answer 2

I kind of agree with some that you shouldn't make him go... BUT, your ex can TOTALLY use this against you and the judge can hold you in contept of court. Since you're not saying bad things about their father, I guess that can't be the problem. Yet, on the other hand: because you "don't" talk about him, I can see why your son is confused and probably frustrated about having to spend time with someone whom he rarely hears about or sees. It doesn't help that the father is being so manipulative either. I'd suggest that you have a talk to your son about why it's important to have a father/ father-figure in his life. He may not understand now, but when he's older he might need a male around to talk to or relate to. Above all: spending time with Dad does NOT mean that Mommy will be gone or isn't gonna be there for him. Have him take a picture of you together with him, or something to remind him of you while he's away for visits. And as for that ex of yours: He has no right under the law to demand to see his children if it's not what the court ruled. In fact, you don't have to comply unless it's in writing either!!! He needs to be and show more responsibility for his children. He can threaten to call the cops or whatever, all you have to do is show the officer or whomever, the court documentation proving that he is there when he's not supposed to. If this "inconveniences" his lifestyle, then he can go to the judge himself and appeal... The law is on your side honey!!! Take advantage of that!!! My husband's ex made this sort of thing a living nightmare. And even though she was caught lying and in contempt EVERY time, the court always sided with her... Anyway, it's gonna be hard. But be sure to be there for your children, your strength will rub off and they'll be better people because of it. Good luck!!!

Answer 3

I would say that the main reason, possibly, is that most boys are attached to their mothers. My son is a total "mommy's boy" and there are lots of times he wants nothing to do with my husband.

Have you talked to him about why he doesn't want to go? He is old enough to explain some reasons...especially if there is something going on. Also, does you ex ever tell you what they did while you kids were with him? I wonder if your son is like this the entire time or just at the separation point with you.

Answer 4

I totally understand. My daughter's father never followed the court order unless it suited him. If my child were to get upset about it I would NOT make him go. If my other child wanted to go let her, if you trust him to take care of her.

A judge will tell you that the visitation is his to use. They will pretty much tell you if he chooses to get them then you have to let him go. If he does not come and get them half the time, that is his right too! It 's not fair and does not seem right. But, if he tells you a specific time you only have to wait 30 min. My ex has joint custody, but he was suppose to get her on Friday at 6:00. He would not come get her until he got off work on Saturday afternoon. He would just show up and get mad if we were not there. He acted like I had to be there waiting on him when he decided he could get there. We have a life too, I am not going to do that.

My attorney said if he was not there at the time the court order said, give him 30 min and then go on with your plans, there is nothing they can do about it.

He was so dumb that he would file a police report when I was not there, when he came to pick her up........however he was no there at the time he was suppose to be and the report reflected that point! It was so ridiculous that it was not even mentioned in court!

Answer 5

I went through it, it is absolutely miserable. Talk to your lawyer and ask him what you can do about him being in contempt of the court order. If he can't follow the rules then he obviously isn't trying real hard to be a decent father. I promise you once you get past this nightmare things will get better. I still have issues with my ex regarding my son (10) but I learned shortly after I went through all the bulls*it you are going through that you can not MAKE them be a good parent. Take it with a grain of salt and never make plans that you can't back out of! Most moms never have an excuse not to have their kids. It sounds like your ex likes to play games like that too.

Answer 6

Can you talk to your little boy and try to find out why he doesn't want to go? Maybe his father is being mean to him in some way? Have you looked to see if there are any marks on your son?

Try to ask him why he feels the way he does. He may be able to give you his version. If you are uncomfortable with letting your son go, isn't there someone you can speak with who's connected to the court system who could advise you as to what your choices are?

If your son never sees his dad, he just may be unsure around him..as if he were a stranger.

Answer 7

If he tries to pick them up any time other than when the court decree says, you don't have to let him. Next time, don't open the door, and if he starts to cause trouble, call the cops. If a 4 year old is really that upset, something is going on and you might be able to get supervised visits for the times the court had decreed that he does have visitation.

Answer 8

There is always a reason why a child cries. You need to find out why he does not want to go with his father. Do not brush of your son crying. Your son is telling you something, but not with words, but by crying. Maybe you should sit with your son by himself & ask him why he cries when daddy picks him up? Or ask the kids father. (You must be very miserable & unhappy when this happens?) Remember your son is only 4, but he can tell you how he feels. Good Luck!

Answer 9

I say don't make him go. I was in a similar situation when I was a little girl. My stepmom was really abusive to me-and I hated going to my dad's house for that reason, but I couldn't tell anyone because I was too young. My mom made me go anyway and I really suffered. Kids are very intelligent and perhaps there's something going on with your ex that you don't know about. It might be a hazard to your daughter as well. Good luck!

Answer 10

WOW, thought maybe I wrote this about my daughters father, lol. Partly anyway. No you do not have to let him take them if it is not his time to do so. It helps to have a calendar clearly marked when his visitation is to be and have a copy of the decree handy if a cop shows up. If he continues to do it, report it as harassment with the cops and explain to them and show them your calendar and court decree.

Your daughter is too young to make her own decision. My gut instinct tells me that either something has happened to your son, or maybe he is seeing things that scares him when he is with his "dad". I use the term sperm donor when I talk about my daughters "dad" lol Ask your son, you know your child and when he is telling the truth or not. Good luck.