I have been going out with my boyfriend for 17 months now and it seems like he is never going to commit. At about 6 months he had said that he wants to get married, so I kind of guessed the question would be popped soon after, but I'm still waiting. He now says that he is not ready and he would feel guilty moving away from home because his parents and grandparents need a lot of help around the house and farm. I know that is really sweet, but sometime he needs to realize that he can't be there to help them for the rest of their lives. Any ideas on how to give him a little shove towards the marriage idea? I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but it seems like we are never going to get married.
2006-08-17 09:29:28 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I would not push the topic of marriage with your boyfriend right now. he has already stated his reasons for not wanting to get married. You should state the reasons why you should and leave it at that. 17 months is a long time, but not unheard of.
He is the one who will have to make the decision himself on whether to continue babysitting his family or to grow up and make a family outside of that one, whether it's with you or not. I think if you told him that at this point in your relationship you need to find out what the future may or may not hold for the both of you. If it isnt consistent with your wants and needs I would let him know that. I would also mention to him that if he would like to keep living on with you like a friend, then that is what you should become so you can find someone who wants the same thing out of life as you do.
I wouldnt suggest waiting another 2 years though because odds are if he doesnt want to get married now- he wont want to get married then either.
2006-08-17 10:04:41 · answer #1 · answered by glorymomof3 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First point, if someone is close to their family it does not mean that they are cheating on you or being a bastard.
Second point, you are focused on the getting married thing more than the real problem with this relationship.
Two years is fine to be dating if you both are doing the dating with intentions are finding a spouse. For him to mention marriage at the six month point is very hasty. The real issue (and I can tell you this from personal experience) is that he isn't apart from his folks yet. I don't know how old either of you are but assume you are of age. If he is over 22, not in school, and is still at home with the folks you should think about that fact very seriously before you ven think about marriage to him.
As far as his folks and grands...he can be there for them all their lives but it doesn't mean he has to actually be there WITH THEM all of his life. It's not sweetness on his part to want to stay with them, and it has nothing to do with a lack of commitment to you (or any other girl he might date after you) that he doesn't want to leave them yet.
The bottom line is: he is telling you he is not ready and you don't want to accept it. He doesn't sound like he's ready for a real relationship with any woman yet let alone getting married.
2006-08-17 12:15:50 · answer #2 · answered by chaimail04 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It really depends on your age and his age and maturity level. 17 month is nothing if your still 20 but if your 30 it's a little different.
If he just moved out of his house for the first time, then he's not ready! Do you live at home?? Sounds like you both need a little more life experience behind you... don't rush things!!
2006-08-17 10:12:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know what? I'm sad to say that he's probably not thinking about marriage...with you. I know, it sux!!!! Men can be bastards that way. But hey, not all men are the same, so just ask him about it, plain and simple, but be prepared if the answer is NOT the one you'd like to hear. This way you know where you stand and then decide what to do about it, being still staying with him ,or dumping him...
2006-08-17 09:36:52 · answer #4 · answered by cleo715 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess the time isn't right for him to commit yet. he probably have a lot going on right now with family's dramas. why don't you just talk to him and ask him where is this relationship heading. depend on his answer , you could go from there. if you looking to tie he knot sooner than he willing to be around than you should look else where.....but don't kept wonder to yourself without finding out the answer....
2006-08-17 09:39:30 · answer #5 · answered by samdrian 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly - sometimes you need to let go a little bit so the man will take the blinders off and she what he truly has. It worked for me - if it is meant to be then you two will come back together.
2006-08-17 10:03:55 · answer #6 · answered by jessica 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes time to committ to any relationship. Dont push because he will resent you for it. We all take a gamble in love. Are you willing to gamble on waiting and seeing if he will marry you or gamble on meeting someone new?
2006-08-17 09:44:45 · answer #7 · answered by honeyluv_2010 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, he's dragging his heels and will continue to do it as long as you let him. Let him know that you are gone as of September 30th unless something changes. Then, if nothing changes, leave. See if that scares him straight. If not, he's not sure, and you want someone who is sure, right? Good luck dear.
2006-08-17 09:36:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
honey, 17 months is nothing. it's a drop in the bucket compared to a lifetime. if you really love him, then be patient. it will happen when the time is right, dont push, that will just cause resentment.
2006-08-17 09:44:16 · answer #9 · answered by TN girl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would just tell him. I'd be like hon i want to be married to you and start our lives together but we can't do that if you want to stay at home. I want us to start our lives together if u don't want that then im going to have to say cya:D
2006-08-17 09:37:58 · answer #10 · answered by Sami 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋