How can I make my fiance talk to his mom about her very bad habit that's greatly affecting our life?

Question

We are getting married next weekend but his mom annoys me every day.She calls everyday,including weekends,at least 3 times a day.Her phone call usually interrupts our weekday evenings & weekend days & evenings.She lives in NY and we live in CA but she calls us between 11am - 11:30pm our time,meaning,she often calls us at 2:30am her time. I find that sick. She even calls us while we are on vacation. Once when we were on a vacation in Kyoto,we intentionally didn't give her our hotel number but she tracked us down by randomly calling the hotels in Kyoto! For 4 years (since we started living together) we had our home phone's ringer off because of this.We also keep our cell phone on 'silent' mode when we can.I know she also calls him at work which makes him look unprofessional. It's not like she is living alone and lonely.I asked my fiance to discuss this with her but he said she is not a logical person and won't understand and refuses to deal with it.How can I make him talk to her?

Answer 1

Just tell her that in this important stage in your lives that yall just need "you time" and she can limit her calls to one a day unless something is seriously wrong.

Answer 2

You better get him to cut that umbilical cord now! What will happen after you have children. Imagine that will just give her even more reason to call and the calls will definitely increase.

Change your cell-phone numbers. Have his work block her number from the business line. He could lose his job. Not worth the risk.

Next, get a second line one for mom and the other for your own personal use. Only turn the mom phone on for a certain amount of time how ever many days a week you guys choose. Let mom know of the times and what you guys had had to go through. Hopefully she'll see the trouble she's caused and call during the selected hours occasionally as she should be. Be sure to give the main phone line or a cell number to someone whom your husband trusts not to give the number to mom, so if there is a real emergency your mom will be able to contact you through that person. Or maybe an e-mail address if you have e-mail alerts.

Your soon to be husband sounds correct about her not being logical, just by her behavior it is evident.

Answer 3

What a nightmare! If her own son says she is not logical (and making non-urgent phone calls at 2:30 am qualifies as illogical to me) I don't know that she would listen to you either. Regardless, this has GOT to stop! You say she doesn't live alone. Is she still married to your fiance's father? Maybe YOU could talk to him. Your fiance does not want to deal with this, so it is going to fall to you. You realize this is going to set your pattern of having to step in where HE fears to tread. Hope you are ready for it. If talking will not stop it, I would take the following steps: If you don't already have one, buy an answering machine. NEVER pick up without letting the machine screen the calls. If it is her-don't answer. Do not answer when she calls on the cells. When you go out of town, let the front desk know you do not want ANY calls put through from ANYONE. Tell your fiance he's on his own as far as the calls she makes to him at work. Then call HER once a week. Do not apologize if she complains about not being able to get ahold of you. Simply ask: "was there something urgent you needed?". She will learn. It may take awhile, but she will get the message. If you do not take drastic steps now, your life is not going to be your own. I wish you luck. You are going to need it!

Answer 4

If he refuses to talk to her, next time she calls you, you can talk to her about it. Don't be mean about it, tell her you both appreciate her interest in her son's life, but you'd really appreciate some time without her calls. Since you're getting married soon, you can use that as an excuse-- ask her if she would kindly refrain from calling because you're so busy making plans for the wedding. Also, when you go on your honeymoon, ask the hotel not to give out your number to anyone who calls. When you get back, tell your you have a lot of work to do, and you'd appreciate if she only called you between the hours of XX - XX, whatever time is best for you, and ideally not much more than one hour of time.

Answer 5

Tell him that he is going to be a man and talk to her no matter what. You are going to spend the rest of your life with this? Screw that, what if someone really needed to get ahold of you? If he still does not want to talk to her then let him know that you are going to. Just be really nice about it, which is hard, I know. My mother in law calls all the time and stays the night when ever she feels like it. I hate it. Once we were having so fun decorating our christmas tree and then she calls and starts all this crap. So child like. Tell her that its getting to the point where you have to shut off the phone! Make sure she doesn't track you down on your honeymoon!

Answer 6

Hun, he's marrying YOU. It's lovely that his mother loves him and they have a good relatioship. But he needs to stand up to her. How can you make him? You can't. BUT, you need to tell him that he needs to talk to her and make a few things clear. If he won't, you need to decide whether or not you can live with this for the rest of your life. If the answer is yes, let it go. If the answer is no, reconsider the wedding. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but you need to decide how big of an issue it is. Personally, I'm with you all the way...that is WAY too much contact and she needs to get a life.

Answer 7

I don't think you should have to "make" him do anything. Unfortunately if this has been going on for four years, it's not likely to cease anytime soon. If you are afraid of hurting your "rude" mother in law to be, I suggest an answering machine that lets you screen the calls you choose to answer. I find this works great. Congrats on your wedding and best of luck to you.

Answer 8

Why don't you take the matter in your own hands - you know he is not going to do it. You need to set her straight. She can call her son's cell all she wants but do not bother you - You have nothing that you would need to speak to her about on a daily basis. Just think about when you two have children... the calls will double. You need to correct the situation yourself. Sounds to me like you could care less of what she thinks of you.

Answer 9

i agree. sit down and talk to him about this. even more. tell him that it will make your relationship stronger and more loving if he talks to his mother about being more respectful of him and you as well.

the fact is she is being very disrespectful towards the both of you. not to mention pushy, overbearing, rude, inconsiderate, need i go on lol.

it sounds as if shes having a hard time letting her son go/grow up and its effecting the both of you in your relationship. i mean you cant even enjoy your selves privately without his mother interfering! lol, let me guess she even calls and interrupts you two when making love, huh? that's not right. explain this to him.

tell him, if this isn't takin care of you will take matters into your own hands and tell her not to bother you two so much. you might even change the phone numbers and disconnect the cell phones to show both your mother and soon to be hubby you mean business and something has to change.

she has no right to track you down on your vacations like that. it almost sounds as if shes intentionally planning to interrupt your lives together.

ultimately sweetheart its going to come down to him choosing you or his mother. cause if you dont nip it in the butt right now its going to diffently cause more problems in the near future.

Answer 10

Give him the choice to either deal with the stuation about his mother or to ruin what he has with you already...

You have brought this up before and he knows that this is a Problem... He should be able to correct it... Tell him that this would make the relationship stronger.