My mother has issues with me being an adult and marrying another woman.
She says she has “empty nest” and feels lonely. She tried to break up my engagement.
She has been divorced for 15 years and hasn’t had a boyfriend or date in 10 years.
I see her once a month at family gatherings and I bring my wife with me.
At the all day family event I spend alone time with my mother talking about life.
People suggest for me to create a date night, like once a month, for just me and my mom to go out and spend time together.
I refuse to do this! I am a grown up and I am not going to baby my mother.
I think its fair for her to see me once a month and talk to me on the phone twice a week.
A lot of times my wife and I go to dinner with my mother and spend time together on top of seeing her with the family.
Am I jerk for not spending all this alone time with my mom?
She wasn’t the best mom and I don’t really like to see her more than I already do anyway.
2006-08-17 08:17:19 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Try not feel guilty. I can identify with you because my mom sounds very similar. It is not your fault that your mom decided not to pursue other things in her life to help her feel more fulfilled. You are doing more than most people, I think, so feel good about that. :-)
2006-08-17 08:24:05 · answer #1 · answered by sweetpea 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are doing enough! You are spending quality time with your mom and you are not letting her try to control you like I am getting the picture here! Good for you!
"Mom" need to develop some other interests and not focus so much on you and try to lay a guilt trip your way. Suggest that to her. If she doesn't take the hint then stand your ground and keep on doing what you are doing. Maybe after awhile she will see that you aren't going to give in and spend more time with her and she will go out and make some friends and find something interesting to do with her time and her self.
2006-08-17 15:27:19 · answer #2 · answered by December Princess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to being an adult. Your actions are your own to choose.
Three essential components of marriage according to the bible are leave, cleave, become one. It sounds like you are setting healthy boundaries and are sticking to the leave your birth-family, cleave to your wife, become one with your wife.
The only caviat I would give is, when you have kids, they will to some extent base their plans for you on what you model. We all become our parents even if we dont want to. Your kids will become their parents, even if they dont want to. The motives you have, they will emulate. Set healthy balances and habits in your relationship with your mother, and even if you get old, bitter, and senile, you can be confident that they will set healthy balances and habits in their relationship with you.
If my mom tried to break up my marriage, I might talk to her once a year, the day after christmas. If she has the right to break my heart, and grossly dishonor me, then she is inviting the same on my part toward her. If I take her up on the invitation it shows we are similar in nature. I think that you treat your mother more generously than she deserves, and those who criticize you are doing it from ignorance because they have not walked a mile in your mocassins.
2006-08-17 15:29:45 · answer #3 · answered by Curly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother raised you from the time you came out of her cout. No you need to take her at least once a month and spend time with her and only her. Stop being so selfish. That is your mother and you will only have one in your lifetime. And so what if she wasnt the best mom. I'm sure she did the best that she could to raise your selfish azz. The way you treat your mother is the way your children will treat you.
2006-08-17 15:25:09 · answer #4 · answered by FRECKLES 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Wow, sounds like you see her a lot now.
Try to encourage her to get some friends. Encourage taking a class or learning a craft.
Good luck!
2006-08-17 15:30:04 · answer #5 · answered by tigglys 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get her a dog or something? some pet that can distract her and something else she can focus her attention on rather than you. worked for my parents
2006-08-17 15:23:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it up to her you are doing the best you can she needs to do the next steps
2006-08-21 10:29:48 · answer #7 · answered by IndyMM 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's lived her life! So live yours and don't feel guilty about it!
2006-08-17 15:25:17 · answer #8 · answered by ChicaLoca 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take her to therapy
2006-08-17 15:22:33 · answer #9 · answered by ♥JAMIE♥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol
2006-08-17 15:24:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋