My best friend is getting married in October. I am her maid of honor. Because of that, I have been involved in quite a bit of the wedding process: dress picking, planning, bridal shower, etc.
Anyway, lately I have been envious of her. I am in a long-term relationship (Been friends with the guy about 2 years and dated about a year, and now live together.) and really feel this urge of wanting to get engaged.
Note: My relationship is great. I'm really happy, and I had a LONG talk with my boyfriend last night and he says he wants to marry me, but wants to be able to (financially) support me before he does.
He also said something that I thought was odd. He said that all (single) women go through wedding envy when someone close to them gets married, and that he expected to hear it a lot sooner than now.
My questions are:
Does every girl get wedding envy? Is it normal?
And, does anyone have any suggestions on how to fight these feelings? I feel like a moron and want to be rid of them.
2006-08-17 08:16:55 · 22 answers · asked by Laura 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
1) I wouldn't have been ready to get married at 6 months in. I think a year-2 is a good time...
2) I am (somewhat) Old Fashioned. I won't ask a man to marry me, just like I wouldn't ask a man out when I was in the dating game. It's that romantic vibe, that and a man needs to be a man.
Same goes for the money situation. I told him once my job ends in November (it's a project job) and I find a new stable one that can support us both I would be ready to be engaged knowing I could support him, our dog, and me.
2006-08-17 08:36:06 · update #1
*huge cyber hug* I was in the same situation last summer, except I was in TWO weddings. I got "wedding envy" pretty bad for the first one... only some residual pangs by the time the second one came around. I think it's pretty normal.
I'm glad you've talked to your boyfriend about it. He needs to realize that this isn't you pressuring him, and it sounds like he gets it. Other than that, I suggest that you focus on the fact that this is for your friend. Be sure to make time to do things that have nothing even remotely to do with weddings. And when it all gets to be too much, find a "non-wedding" friend to vent to. That'll give you an outlet and allow you to get it out of your system and move on. Hang in there - it'll all fade after the wedding has past.
2006-08-17 09:33:14 · answer #1 · answered by Church Music Girl 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't feel like a moron, 4 years ago I went through the wedding envy because my best friend was getting married to a great guy well I wanted that to & told my boyfriend that I wanted to get married, we got engaged after only knowing each other for a year. 1 month B4 the wedding we broke up, I rushed him & because of that I lost a great guy & the wedding that I wanted. When the time is you'll be able to be in the spotlight... But take it from me & take it slow...you'll be happier that way
2006-08-17 08:31:08 · answer #2 · answered by Lysa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I think there is a thing that could be called "wedding envy" - it's tough when everyone around you is getting married and you are in love but ....aren't (getting married.) At our core, we are herd animals, we humans.... we are lemmings. So it feels that it is time for you, too, to be getting married.
Now then, your understanding boyfriend seems to love you and says he wants to marry you but wants to wait until he can support you financially. Well, that's a little old-fashioned, isn't it ? You can support yourself, can't you ? (If you can't, then you need to focus on THAT rather than this little problem.) And the goal shouldn't be that HE can support YOU but rather that the two of you can accomplish joint goals and plans as a married couple, right ?
So what's an engagement for --- BESIDES planning the wedding ? You two are living together, so apparently that is all you two think an engagement is for. I dunno, kiddo - but if you are living together then you can be married. I'd say propose to him - yep, propose to HIM; ask him to marry you in, say, two years. Get engaged and then you two use those two years to figure out a 5 year plan for finances and then a 10 year plan; discuss children - how many to have, when, how to raise them to be good adults, what that will take; discuss what would happen if in-laws became ill or infirm.....decide if a big wedding is really worth it or would a small intimate one (and a big payment on a house) be better ?
Then there will be no wedding envy, kiddo. There will be plans.
2006-08-17 08:29:41 · answer #3 · answered by two 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, everyone girl who isn't married feels wedding envy. It's the whole idea of wanting something that we don't necessarily have. However, from the sounds of it, you have a great guy who is thinking about the future and there's the promise of things to come. Between now and the wedding, you will probably feel these feelings again but what I would suggest is between now and then, do something special with your boyfriend. Maybe a nice night out on the town or a mini weekend vacation or something like that. You probably won't feel so out of the "romantic" loop if you try this and hopefully the feelings will pass shortly.
2006-08-17 09:10:15 · answer #4 · answered by Patricia D 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe in what your boyfriend said. My little cousin was married last saturday the 12th and it was a beautiful ceremony and reception. She looked like a goddess in her dress and there was no one in that whole ordeal but her and her husband in each others eyes. I felt completely and utterly envious of her. AND...I'll be getting married in a more elaborate way than she did. That didn't stop making me feel that it should be ME getting married. Mind you I'll be married in December....but I think it's just the fact that it was happening to her sooner.
It's totally normal, I've spoken to her and the other maids that were in the wedding and 4 out of 7 felt the same way as ..." When will it be MEEEEE????"
I was like... "aarrggghhhh... the dress!! the service!!! the party!! oh noooo.... the attention!!..."
My little cousin just laughed it off.
It's a feeling you can't control. I think it's healthy to talk about it. I did. With the object of my envy. She was forgiving and said she wished her wedding had lasted a week!....AS IF!!
2006-08-17 08:31:17 · answer #5 · answered by Tida 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your feelings are normal and your boyfriend sounds like a pretty smart guy. He told you he does want to marry you one day, so that's good. Just concentrate on helping your friend right now. When the time is right, it will happen. Try not to obsess over the whole marriage thing, though. Just enjoy being with your man for now and let it happen. He will probably want to surprise you with a ring one day, so let it go for now. Try not to keep bringing it up with him. Oh, and I just got married 2 months ago, but I do understand about wedding envy. I went through it, too. It seemed like all of our friends were getting married and then it was all I could think about. Once I stopped obsessing about it all, it finally happened. Good luck!
2006-08-17 09:08:20 · answer #6 · answered by SweetPea 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My fiance's sister was engaged to a real jerk...just because she wanted to get married. They broke it off, and she was casually dating until...
My fiance and I were engaged. Then she started to step up the search.
Then we had a baby...and she went crazy.
From the time we had our son to the time she got married was not even 6 months--and she wasn't even dating anyone when we had our son!
--
The point? Just live through your feelings. Don't deny them, but realize that you need to be realisitc. It sounds like you have a great guy!
It's hard to having wedding envy, but the perfect remedy for most is to concentrate on getting the money for a wedding. Start planning your own. Plan your future. Focus on your happiness. You're going to have a beautiful wedding, when the time comes!
2006-08-17 08:31:54 · answer #7 · answered by FaZizzle 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is completely normal. My younger sister is getting married and I have had some of the same feelings. The same thing happened eleven years when my best friend got married. A suggestion on how to fight the feelings would be to step back from the planning but that may be impossible since this is your best friend. Good Luck!
2006-08-17 08:33:46 · answer #8 · answered by Michelle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a hell of a woman and I applaud you! Yes, all women get wedding envy, but that you recognize and are trying to deal with it honestly says a lot of good things about you!
I'm getting married in May and two of my three bridesmaids are unmarried but with long term boyfriends (one of whom is my brother). I expect to hear this from them sometime soon.
I don't think you can fight it. Planning a wedding is exhilirating, exciting, and a lot of fun. We get to be girls when we're planning a wedding. I would suggest enjoying the experience and telling your boyfriend that you'd like a long engagement if there are financial concerns.
Good luck!
2006-08-17 08:54:45 · answer #9 · answered by Kitten 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know it is normal to be envious. I was also at one time. I think it is normal that women want the wedding, kids, home etc. So your not alone in this. And after being with a boyfriend for so long you want that. However your boyfriend is right, he should be financially set. However, you can never be perfectlly set so remember that too. However, these feelings will disappear after the wedding. So just hang in there!
2006-08-17 08:29:17 · answer #10 · answered by Susa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋