i am an sikh girl soon approaching the age to get married but all my friends who are non-sikhs think this is ridiculous and suggest that i should run awa if i do i will bring immediate shame on my family
2006-08-17 07:55:13 · 25 answers · asked by townhouse 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
hun i can relate to ur situation. i am a punjabi as well and my parents want me to have an arranegd marriage. they are expecting me to keep shut and who ever they choose for me, i should accept him....
but the problem is...how can i marry sum1 i don't even know....
so, i hav told my parents i am not gonna get married till i complete my studies...and i want to continue my studies after marraige...trust me hun many of teh desi guys abhor their wives to continue their studies after marraige....
as for running away from home, u r right u'll bring shame to ur family, and if ur parents are one of those kinds who really care abt honor, one of them might b hurt, and u might end up loosing them permanently. if u do elope, ur parents will disown u and will never talk to u....
look around there has to b another way....
btw i also told my parents that i can support myself and i am able to live alone, if they further borther me abt this marraige stuff i'll leave teh home and start living alone....they don't want that....so at last i hav my peace....hope it lasts long...
best of luck though....
2006-08-17 08:05:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You alone can make this decision. You have been brought up as a sikh and you are aware of the demands of your culture. Your parents are going to make the best choice they can for you, and remember, for many arranged marriages this is very successful. Given the divorce rate amongst non-arranged marriages I understand that arranged marriages do not fail at such a high rate. You would need to be very strong willed and confident to go against your faith and your family especially as, I would guess, you are not in a secure long term relationship with someone.
I would say, ignore your friends and wait, see what the future brings - you will know what to do when the occasion arises. Enjoy life with your family, faith and culture until then. Good wishes for your future.
2006-08-17 08:12:27 · answer #2 · answered by Purple 8 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm also a Sikh and I get asked the same question about getting an arranged marriage. Your family should allow you to meet and talk to the boy first so that you know if hes the right one or not. It depends how you feel, you shouldn't just listen to what your friends say. Discuss it with your family first. I don't think running away is the answer, it will just make things worse.
2006-08-17 08:04:20 · answer #3 · answered by Squirrel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you want to live with the guilt of bringing shame on your family? Do you trust your parents' judgments? The divorce rate among married folks who choose their own mates are much higher. Do you have any good reason for thinking that your parents would not make the best choice? You are the one who will have to live with your decisions--not your friends. I don't think that arranged marriages are ridiculous, and I doubt if many of your family and Sikh friends think that way either.
2006-08-17 12:13:38 · answer #4 · answered by Witchy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u should forget about what ur friends say. i am also part of a society where arranged marriages are tradition. i was totally against the whole affair but i just went to one ceremony last saturday, and realised that its so beautiful!
there is this stereotype about girls being forced into this kind of marriage, where u dont get to meet ur partner or anything. what they dont understand that it is so not like that. there is so much more freedom of choice - parents are just there, i guess, to give u a push in the right direction. and from all the people i know who have had arranged marriages, their marriage have been really successful.
hope this helps. xXx
2006-08-17 08:16:26 · answer #5 · answered by azaa 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It depends how much your parents care about you. If you trust that they will make the best possible match for you and won't be swayed by money or influence, then it probably has as good, if not better, chance as any marriage. Also depends on degree: Would you be expected marry a total stranger from abroad who may have totally different ways to you? Would you be able to say if you were not happy with person suggested?
2006-08-17 08:06:10 · answer #6 · answered by sheilav123 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you want to marry? Do you know why you want to marry? These are important questions. But to answer your question. Arranged marriage is not entirely without merits. Your parents will undoubtedly arrange for the best person who should marry you. For love between two persons, this is developed slowly and nourished with care over time. If you think marrying the cute person of your choice and without making the marriage works over time with effor from both parties, you will be sadly mistaken. For cute, there will be many who are better than your choice and what worst, he will grow old and become the uglyest person on earth. Then what?
Hope this help.
2006-08-17 09:09:46 · answer #7 · answered by SK 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Even with arrange marriages you do have choices. Get your parents give you a list of choices and only agree to the one both you and your parents are happy with. Arrange marriages takes the worry of finding the right person alone. Your parents will want the best for you, so won't allow just anyone to be your future husband!
2006-08-17 08:04:15 · answer #8 · answered by Peacelilly 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the first respondent. We get so many divorces because we rely on love for a good marriage, but love often goes away after a while.
At least try and meet the guy you are supposed to get married to, maybe he's really ugly, old, disgusting, or an asshole. Things like that can really **** up a good relationship ;-)
2006-08-17 08:03:29 · answer #9 · answered by lindavankerkhof 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would ring the citizens advice bureau because this is a serious matter and get advice from people well outside your family. Then you will be able to talk to them in confidence about your feelings and fears. Your friends probably aren't giving you the right advice.
If you went ahead and married somebody that you didn't know or love you would bring immediate shame on yourself.
2006-08-17 08:05:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋