Should I invite my father's family to my wedding?? What would you do??

Question

OK- here is the deal. We can only invite 150 which we are cutting people left and right to get under the limit. It's like $75 a head. I am paying for my own wedding. My parents have NO money, my mother is out of work and my father hurt himself and recently just went back to work so they are behind on all their bills. My Dad has 9 brothers and sisters. I was only going to invite the two my dad's brothers that I have contact with and know. My mother is fighting with me that It's rude and I need to invite all of them. Granted I would say about half won't show but even if 5 of them show that 10 people = $750.00 I don't even really care for that side of the family plus his one brother's son just got married and I wasn't invite to their wedding! I know it's my wedding and I can do what I want but how should I handle this? Suck it up and just invite them to save face? Make my mother feel bad about herself and ask for money to cover them? Just ingore her and do what I want but

My mother will carry on about this and ***** and *****..... and I just don't need the stress. My mother is insane and will not take it lighly.

My wedding is book and $75 a head is cheap for a nice wedding. I live in NJ and the average wedding is $30,000! Most places were over $100 a head so to find this place was a blessing. And I want a nice wedding- I don't want to have a crappy cheap reception so I can invite people I don't care about!

Answer 1

I ran into a similar situation for my wedding, I was told by my mother-in-law that we should invite my husbands great aunts. We told her to pay and she said fine, but she never paid. She did say we would get great presents b/c they have never been to a nice wedding before. Well considering that it was $75 a head, and we only were given $50 I was pissed. Invite whoever you want. You are paying for the wedding and it is your day nobody else's. Also, it was very awkward when we greeted their table b/c I didn't know them that well.

Answer 2

It IS your wedding, so you don't need to invite any relatives you don't want to invite. However... I would invite my aunts and uncles, leaving out cousins and extended relatives unless you are really close. 150 people is usually 50 from the groom's side, 50 from your side and 50 friends of the couple. Let your parents have a say in which 50 from their side they decide to invite. I also think you should ask your parents to "help" with the cost of their relatives. Sometimes brides decide to have a less costly wedding and invite more people, OR have immediate family and close friends only. Myself...for $750 I'd ask Mom and Dad to pitch in what they can, and I'd pay the rest to keep peace. This is your day (and your husband's) so everyone should try to be happy.

Answer 3

only invite who you feel you want to be there!

anyone your not close to, dont even know, wasnt invited to any of their thing, only see maybe once a year, probably wouldnt care if they didnt go, dont worry about.

i know your mother is being the brides-mother-zilla right now but she will get over it. its not rude to invite only the family you are close to. your on a limited budget and thats perfectly fine. its your day and you want people around that will appreciate it.

explain to your mother in a calm manner that this is the way it is. she and your family members you dont invite should be understand of it and not take it personally. im sure if you had unlimited amount of money you would invited everyone and their brother but you cant so dont let anyone guilt you into doing something you just cant afford to do.

you could tell her, well if she feel's its absolutely necessary for them to be there then she can pay their way other wise your sorry but you cant afford nor really want them there. if she cant be respectful of your decision then you might just have to cut her off from any of the decision's you make.

less stress on you lol. i know it sounds so cold hearted but sometimes you need to be to keep your self happy.

i do so hope everything works out for you and you have the most beautiful wedding your little heart ever could of wished for. enjoy every moment and relax. take care! :D

Answer 4

Do not invite them. Period. I am planning a wedding as well and there are family members that I am inviting because "it's the right thing to do" and then are are family members I am not inviting because I don't have contact with them. If you are not in contact with your father's family (or most of them) then just invite those that are close to you.

Those that are not close to you are probably going to think of it as a HASSLE to go to your wedding anyway. Why bother with that? Your cousin not inviting you to their wedding is different... were your parents invited? If so, then that really doesn't have much bearing. But if they weren't invited then it sort of sets a precedence where they started the trend of not inviting all of the brothers/sisters.

Good luck with this - the guest list is never an easy project!

Answer 5

Invite immediate family only, that includes your mothers side.It is your wedding.You can drop the other family members a note telling them that due to financial circumstances you are unable to invite members other than the immediate family.If they are mature adults they should understand.As for your mother you need to just come out and tell her that you can not afford it.For someone who has no money she should be the most understanding.If she continues to rant and rave about it then tell her that if she puts the cash in your hands to pay for those other people then you will invite them.If she cant then drop the subject and don't ruin your wedding.Im sure she would not like the idea of excluding her from your wedding if she cant behave..Good luck

Answer 6

Tell your mother that you are inviting the people who are close to you and your fiance, and that your financial resources mean that it's a small wedding and that blanket invitations to family simply are not practical.

If your mother complains about any of this, simply look at her and say "mother, I have explained my position. If you have resources to contribute to this wedding, I will be glad to listen to your opinion of how those resources should be spent. Since we are talking about my resources, however, I am really not interested in your opinion, and right now I don't have the time or energy to put up with criticism. If you have $525 to pay for the additional costs of inviting Dad's other seven siblings, whom I do not know, great. Write me a check and I'll add them to the list. Otherwise, step off."

Best wishes and God bless.

Answer 7

If your not close to them and they don't bother to keep in touch with you then I wouldn't invite them. I am in your same situation. I am not inviting some of my mothers sister or parents. They have not been a part of my life and they don't care, so why should I be. I understand your mom would like for them to be invited, but she should also understand that you are paying for all this on your own. I am sure you will have fun at your wedding without these people, right? So if it doesn't matter to you, then don't invite them. Have fun!

Answer 8

This is a tough one.

If possible, I'd reel back and try to throw a less expensive and more inclusive wedding. Is there a way to make it cost less per person?

That said, I laud you for wanting to include the two uncles to whom you are close.

Here's an idea: explain to your Dad's other siblings that you can't afford to invite them all to the reception, but you'd love for them to come to the wedding ceremony itself! I know this is unusual, but it can, and should, work.

A few years ago one of my cousins got married but didn't invite me, not because of estrangement, but because of expenses and relatives closer than I (or so I'm assuming). I think my cousin invited the aunts and uncles but not the cousins. Well, I went to the church, which was free and open to anyone, as churches should be, and sat behind my aunts and uncles. I enjoyed the service, and I gave them my gift, which was cooking utensils and maybe a cookbook. I was secretly hoping to be invited to the reception after all, but I wasn't. However, his mother, my aunt, appreciated the gesture, and gave me a nice gift that Christmas. His sisters, her daughters, invited me and my siblings to their weddings in later years.

A thought: it can hurt if those in your same familial category--such as brothers and sisters--are invited when you're not. But there are nine of them! They might understand.

Also, you can ask your mother, if it's so important to her, to help you with the costs. You might also ask your fiance. If Mom can't or won't help you financially, remind her gently but firmly that this is your wedding and you can only do so much, and put your foot down!

Answer 9

ok, so it is about 750$....

And it is also about your parents' dignity. It is about your father's dignity with regards to his brothers. It is your mother's dignity with her face with the rest of the family.

If your parents could have paid for the wedding they would have. It hurts your father the fact that can't as much as his injury but he cannot show it because there is pride involved.

Dont ask them to pay for anyhthing. Dont even bring that up because you would just be rubbing salt on their wounds.

Think about the meaning of a wedding, you are leaving your family unit to start your own. The way you do this shows how your parents brought you up.

So you are paying more than 12K just for the food. Excellent you are going to have a splendid wedding. You are more than capable for an extra 750$ on the bill.
Is that too much to pay for making you parents feel proud?

As AmericanDreamer pointed out, would you even care about 750$ a year from now ?

Answer 10

Invite the relatives, and make your mother happy.

If 10 of them show it's less than 10% of the total cost of the food, and probably less than 5% of the total cost of the wedding. Your dad will probably be happy to see his siblings, and your mother can keep her dignity in front of her in-laws.

A year from now, you won't care one way or another about the $750, but the goodwill will last you a life time.